LOTR RPS: Billy/Dom, Orlando/Elijah
Title: Friday Afternoon at the Movies
Rating: R (for language)
Disclaimer: I don't own Pirates of the Caribbean. It belongs to Disney. I don't own or know Billy Boyd or Dominic Monaghan. I made this up.
"About the day we met, do you remember?"
"Awww, Orli's in love," Dom whispered, snagging a handful of popcorn from the tub on Billy's lap.
"How could I forget Miss Swann?"
"Well he was unconscious for most of it," Billy pointed out quietly.
"True," Dom agreed.
"Shh."
"Will, how many times must I ask you to call me Elizabeth?"
"He's bound to get that one wrong," Dom said, a little too loudly, "He's rubbish at mental arithmatic."
Billy choked on his popcorn as he started to laugh.
"Shhh!"
"At least once more Miss Swann, as always."
"Awww. He's being a gentleman."
"Gentleman spelt t-o-s-..?"
"Will you two shut up?"
"Good day Mr Turner."
"She's cross with him now."
"Good day... Elizabeth."
Billy started laughing again.
Dom smirked and leaned towards Elijah who was glaring venomously at his friends. "Have you been giving him lessons?"
"What?" the younger man growled.
"He's using your Bambi eyes Lij."
"Shut up Dom."
"Did you teach him how to do that?"
Even in the dim light of the cinema Dom could tell that Elijah was blushing. "You did!"
"I hate you."
~*~
"Who makes all these?"
"Two guesses."
"I do."
"Told you."
"You’re very clever."
"Thank you."
"And I practice with them..."
"All the fucking time."
"What was that Lij?"
"Three hours a day."
"You really need to get laid mate."
"You need to find yourself a girl mate."
"See Johnny agrees with me."
"Dom… stop… I can’t breathe…"
"Or maybe the reason you practice three hours a day is because you already found one, and are otherwise incapable of wooing said strumpet. You’re not a eunuch are you?"
Billy clutched his sides as he collapsed, crying with laughter, against Dom, who was practically cackling with amusement.
Even Elijah allowed himself a discreet giggle at his boyfriend’s expense. He really had spent too much time practicing with those swords.
~*~
"Spooky."
"And there's Orli," Billy stated seriously. "Whacking his anvil."
Dom sniggered.
"Could you two be any more immature?"
"The fact that you would even ask shows how little you really know us."
"D'you think they had to train that cat to do that?"
"It's a stunt cat."
"He looks serious doesn't he? Or maybe... distressed?"
"He looks like he's going to cry, Elijah."
"Get bent Dom."
"One."
"Bet you're glad all that sword training was put to good use, eh Doodle?" Billy almost whispered, leaning across Dom.
"Two."
"Why am I friends with you again?"
"No one else wants you. Three."
"What are you doing?" Elijah hissed.
"Keeping score. He’s losing his touch."
Billy nodded solemnly. "Right? You wouldn’t see Leggy being distracted by a pretty face."
"Except maybe Aragorn."
Elijah’s response was drowned out by the gale of laughter that followed Orlando being knocked unconscious with a candlestick.
~*~
"They’ve taken her. They’ve taken Elizabeth."
"He’s so earnest."
"And wet."
"That too."
"Ask him where it is. Make a deal with him; he can lead us to it."
"He’s rather attractive isn’t he?"
"What?"
"Relax little one. I meant Mr Davenport," Dom tilted his head and contemplated for a moment. "Maybe it’s the uniform."
Elijah snorted.
"Bill…"
"No."
"That’s not good enough!"
Elijah shivered.
Dom turned to stare at him, with something approaching astonishment. "Really?"
"Uh hello? You’re the one asking his boyfriend to dress up like an eighteenth century naval officer."
"You got Orli to dress up like a pirate," Dom pointed out, grinning as Elijah blushed again. "Oh and I want my eyeliner back."
"We don’t have your eyeliner."
"Uh-huh. Yeah, whatever Lij," Dom said, turning back to Billy. "Please."
"No."
~*~*~
"We’re going to steal a ship? That ship?"
"You know I think Orli’s missed his true calling."
"I was just thinking that."
"He’s clearly cut out for comedy."
Dom nodded his agreement, chuckling at the expressions passing over his friend’s face. "Genius."
"Are you two making fun?"
"Us?"
"Of Orlando?"
"Never!"
"Fuckers."
"Not this time Lij."
"We mean it this time."
"Really?"
"Really."
~*~*~
"Gentlemen, stay calm. We're taking over the ship."
"Do you think I could be a pirate?"
Billy squinted at Dom. "Yeah."
"Can you please be quiet for five minutes? I want to watch."
"You've seen it six times."
"It's a good movie."
"In which your boyfriend gets all sweaty and heroic on a boat."
“Bastard."
"Black-handed Dom"
"What?"
"Black-handed Dom," Billy repeated. "That would be your pirate name. 'Cause you'd always be scrawling over your hands with ink."
"Excellent. And you'd be the handsome naval officer sent to catch me."
"If you two shag here I'm going home. And I'm not covering for you. And when it's emblazoned across every newspaper I'll point at you and laugh."
"Now who's being a bastard?"
~*~
"Tortuga?"
"Tortuga."
"Where are they going Dom?"
Dominic shrugged. "I don’t know Billy. Any ideas Elijah?"
Elijah ignored them.
"I’m not sure I deserved that."
"Looks like my kind of place."
"Just because that happens to you all the time."
Dom placed his hand over his heart and blinked innocently at Billy. "Can I help that I am destined to break hearts?"
Billy rolled his eyes. "I was thinking more that you’ve got a face people want to slap."
"I’m wounded."
"You’ll both be fucking wounded in a minute if you don’t shut the fuck up."
"Lij, you really need to chill out man."
~*~
"Keep a sharp eye."
"The sad thing is that is how he stands in a pub."
"Unless he’s pissed."
"Well then he’s usually on the floor."
Dom and Billy looked up as Elijah stood and moved a few seats away from them. With a quick glance at each other they moved to join him.
"Something wrong Lij?”
"Yeah anyone would think you didn’t want to sit with us."
"Are we embarrassing you or something?"
"Why can’t you just sit quietly and watch the movie? Why do you have to do this every time we come out?"
Dom grinned and opened his mouth but Billy elbowed him in the ribs before he could speak and shook his head. "Far, far too easy."
Rating: R (for language)
Disclaimer: I don't own Pirates of the Caribbean. It belongs to Disney. I don't own or know Billy Boyd or Dominic Monaghan. I made this up.
"About the day we met, do you remember?"
"Awww, Orli's in love," Dom whispered, snagging a handful of popcorn from the tub on Billy's lap.
"How could I forget Miss Swann?"
"Well he was unconscious for most of it," Billy pointed out quietly.
"True," Dom agreed.
"Shh."
"Will, how many times must I ask you to call me Elizabeth?"
"He's bound to get that one wrong," Dom said, a little too loudly, "He's rubbish at mental arithmatic."
Billy choked on his popcorn as he started to laugh.
"Shhh!"
"At least once more Miss Swann, as always."
"Awww. He's being a gentleman."
"Gentleman spelt t-o-s-..?"
"Will you two shut up?"
"Good day Mr Turner."
"She's cross with him now."
"Good day... Elizabeth."
Billy started laughing again.
Dom smirked and leaned towards Elijah who was glaring venomously at his friends. "Have you been giving him lessons?"
"What?" the younger man growled.
"He's using your Bambi eyes Lij."
"Shut up Dom."
"Did you teach him how to do that?"
Even in the dim light of the cinema Dom could tell that Elijah was blushing. "You did!"
"I hate you."
~*~
"Who makes all these?"
"Two guesses."
"I do."
"Told you."
"You’re very clever."
"Thank you."
"And I practice with them..."
"All the fucking time."
"What was that Lij?"
"Three hours a day."
"You really need to get laid mate."
"You need to find yourself a girl mate."
"See Johnny agrees with me."
"Dom… stop… I can’t breathe…"
"Or maybe the reason you practice three hours a day is because you already found one, and are otherwise incapable of wooing said strumpet. You’re not a eunuch are you?"
Billy clutched his sides as he collapsed, crying with laughter, against Dom, who was practically cackling with amusement.
Even Elijah allowed himself a discreet giggle at his boyfriend’s expense. He really had spent too much time practicing with those swords.
~*~
"Spooky."
"And there's Orli," Billy stated seriously. "Whacking his anvil."
Dom sniggered.
"Could you two be any more immature?"
"The fact that you would even ask shows how little you really know us."
"D'you think they had to train that cat to do that?"
"It's a stunt cat."
"He looks serious doesn't he? Or maybe... distressed?"
"He looks like he's going to cry, Elijah."
"Get bent Dom."
"One."
"Bet you're glad all that sword training was put to good use, eh Doodle?" Billy almost whispered, leaning across Dom.
"Two."
"Why am I friends with you again?"
"No one else wants you. Three."
"What are you doing?" Elijah hissed.
"Keeping score. He’s losing his touch."
Billy nodded solemnly. "Right? You wouldn’t see Leggy being distracted by a pretty face."
"Except maybe Aragorn."
Elijah’s response was drowned out by the gale of laughter that followed Orlando being knocked unconscious with a candlestick.
~*~
"They’ve taken her. They’ve taken Elizabeth."
"He’s so earnest."
"And wet."
"That too."
"Ask him where it is. Make a deal with him; he can lead us to it."
"He’s rather attractive isn’t he?"
"What?"
"Relax little one. I meant Mr Davenport," Dom tilted his head and contemplated for a moment. "Maybe it’s the uniform."
Elijah snorted.
"Bill…"
"No."
"That’s not good enough!"
Elijah shivered.
Dom turned to stare at him, with something approaching astonishment. "Really?"
"Uh hello? You’re the one asking his boyfriend to dress up like an eighteenth century naval officer."
"You got Orli to dress up like a pirate," Dom pointed out, grinning as Elijah blushed again. "Oh and I want my eyeliner back."
"We don’t have your eyeliner."
"Uh-huh. Yeah, whatever Lij," Dom said, turning back to Billy. "Please."
"No."
~*~*~
"We’re going to steal a ship? That ship?"
"You know I think Orli’s missed his true calling."
"I was just thinking that."
"He’s clearly cut out for comedy."
Dom nodded his agreement, chuckling at the expressions passing over his friend’s face. "Genius."
"Are you two making fun?"
"Us?"
"Of Orlando?"
"Never!"
"Fuckers."
"Not this time Lij."
"We mean it this time."
"Really?"
"Really."
~*~*~
"Gentlemen, stay calm. We're taking over the ship."
"Do you think I could be a pirate?"
Billy squinted at Dom. "Yeah."
"Can you please be quiet for five minutes? I want to watch."
"You've seen it six times."
"It's a good movie."
"In which your boyfriend gets all sweaty and heroic on a boat."
“Bastard."
"Black-handed Dom"
"What?"
"Black-handed Dom," Billy repeated. "That would be your pirate name. 'Cause you'd always be scrawling over your hands with ink."
"Excellent. And you'd be the handsome naval officer sent to catch me."
"If you two shag here I'm going home. And I'm not covering for you. And when it's emblazoned across every newspaper I'll point at you and laugh."
"Now who's being a bastard?"
~*~
"Tortuga?"
"Tortuga."
"Where are they going Dom?"
Dominic shrugged. "I don’t know Billy. Any ideas Elijah?"
Elijah ignored them.
"I’m not sure I deserved that."
"Looks like my kind of place."
"Just because that happens to you all the time."
Dom placed his hand over his heart and blinked innocently at Billy. "Can I help that I am destined to break hearts?"
Billy rolled his eyes. "I was thinking more that you’ve got a face people want to slap."
"I’m wounded."
"You’ll both be fucking wounded in a minute if you don’t shut the fuck up."
"Lij, you really need to chill out man."
~*~
"Keep a sharp eye."
"The sad thing is that is how he stands in a pub."
"Unless he’s pissed."
"Well then he’s usually on the floor."
Dom and Billy looked up as Elijah stood and moved a few seats away from them. With a quick glance at each other they moved to join him.
"Something wrong Lij?”
"Yeah anyone would think you didn’t want to sit with us."
"Are we embarrassing you or something?"
"Why can’t you just sit quietly and watch the movie? Why do you have to do this every time we come out?"
Dom grinned and opened his mouth but Billy elbowed him in the ribs before he could speak and shook his head. "Far, far too easy."