Fic - Tora x Saga - Words Are Just Words
title: Words are just words
chapter: oneshot
author: flo-chi
genre: kinda deathfic -_-;
rate: G
pairing: Tora x Saga; Shou x Hiroto (hinted)
summary:"So when I am saying 'I love you' means nothing to you?"
disclaimer: still, i don’t own them an’ i hate this fact >__<
notes: comments are <33! Thank you in advence!
Words are just words
Seems like Dreamland avoids me. My favourite Fairy with her butterfly-wings have not come yet to help me fall asleep. The fact makes me feel sad...
I keep on watching the ceiling since I do not have better things to do. It is almost the middle of the night. The weather is so hot outside even if it is almost the end of June. I am lying on the bed breathing slowly, inhaling the fresh air. Strange, why do summer nights smell different from winters do? Summer nights smell so sweet. Warm and sweet that makes you feel safe and happy. Calm; it makes you feel the biggest peace in the deepest place of your heart. Sometimes I can feel that I am in the right place when I feel this smell. That I am doing the right thing, I am having the right way of my life. Sighing deeply, I am watching the wind playing with the curtains above my head. It looks fun, but still I can not smile.
I did throw my t-shirt away hours ago, cursing it loudly for did not let me sleep. But I was wrong. It was not the poor shirt's fault that slee did not come on my eyes. It was only your fault...
Honestly it was not your fault only, but my memories of you. I know exactly that they are the only reasons of my sleeplessness.
Your memories kept chasing me since you have been gone. Sometimes I do not mind it. At that times I feel like you are sleeping next to me again so I can inhale your sweet scent mixed with night's. Do you remember, Love?
How many times we just lay in the bed, without any words we watched how the curtain and the wind layed with each other. How they danced around. Then the soft breeze reached your face and you burst into laugh in a low voice. I just loved that sound. It was like music to my heart.
Keeping watch the ceiling, my lungs become heavier. My eyes stings so hard, but I can not close them, or I would lose the film on the white ceiling. Yes Love, I can see you. See myself as holding you as tight as I could but so gentle at the same time. You were still lying on me, your breathing was so slow that I thought you were sleeping. Smiling I looked up at the moon and wishpered 'thank you'. We were so deep in love. I thought. No, I believed that we were. Well, you said those three words for me a billion times, but words are just words, you know.
I had never said those words to you. Can you forgive me? After this six months I am still asking you to forgive me.
I would say those words to you so many times if I could hold you in my arms once more...!!! I would do everything to you!
Just come back to me, Love! Come back to me once again and then I will go with you to everywhere.
I never wanna say ’goodbye Love’,
Never wanna be without you…
I must close my eyes while tears running down from my eyes unceasingly. I do not care if the picture of you disappear from my sight.
Suddenly I can hear your voice again. I can hear one of our conversations from back then:
"Nee, Tora-shi!" you called out for me between two sobs.
"Hai?" was my only reaction while wiping your tears away.
"Have you ever cried?"
"Sure, when I was a baby!" I replied smiling.
"You are so funny!" you pouted and I could not help but burst out laughing. "Do not laugh at me!" you screamed jumping on me suddenly.
"I did nothing wrong, I swear!" I laughed when you tickled my stomach.
"You did not cuz you are doing it right now! Stop laughing, babe!"
"B-but I can not if you are tickling me!"
"Oww, you are right. Gomene!" then you stopped and rolled next to me on the bed. Placing your head onto my shoulders you drew little circles on my stomach.
"So? I have never seen you cry, why?"
"Why is it so important? You will never see me cry, I swear!"
"Why?"
"It would hurt you, that is why."
"I do not need protection! But it is kind of you." you pecked me on my lips. "Still, I wanna see you cry. Wanna know what is your weakness."
"You know what my weakness is. You will never hurt me that much to make me cry. Not with words. Cuz words are just words, you know."
"So when I am saying 'I love you' means nothing to you?" you got up quickly.
"From your mouth it means everything to me." I smiled at your back.
"But words are just words!" I could hear you were crying again.
"That is why I do not say those words to you, cuz I do not wanna lie to you."
"You are stupid."
"I am." I grinned at you.
Show me you can laugh,
Show me you can cry,
Show me who you really are
Deep down inside…
You were right. I am stupid. And I always was stupid; the perfect idiot.
It was winter when you asked me to go with you, but I refused it. Saying I had other stuff to do, but it was true. I had to go into the studio because Hiroto asked me to do so. When I mentioned Hiroto's name you changed suddenly. I was glaring at you because you cursed our other guitarist who was my best friend at that time.
You were jealous of him. I could see it in your eyes. I wanted to hug you to calm you down but then you stepped behind the couch.
"Come here, Love. I do not bite, but you know it."
"No. Just go and meet Pon. I am sure you will enjoy yourselves."
"We will. But first I..." the words did not came. "Words are just words." I said shaking my head.
"You what?"
"Wanna hold you in my arms." I replied and you sighed. It did hurt you. But you came closer to me and let me to hold you as I usually did.
"Happy now?
"No, and you?"
"Me either. I have a bad feeling that is why I want you to come with me."
"Then I want to, but I can not, you know...-"
"Yep, Hiroto is waiting for you!"
"Hey, Love! Take this." with that I took my necklace off and gave it to you. "Put it on right now! It will protect you, okay?"
"Told ya, I do not need protection!"
"Yeah, sure, just take it!"
"Okay. Can we go?"
"Sure."
I could not listen to Hiroto. Not anymore.
I was thinking on you, on your words about feeling bad. Suddenly I felt like if someone killed me. I felt unbearable pain in my heart then I could only wishper your name.
Hearing my one word Hiroto quickly turned to me.
"Hey man! Are you okay? You look so pale!"
"Saga!" I repeated my word.
"What is wrong with him? He is okay, do not worry! He is with Shou-babe, 'kay?"
"He is not!" I almost burst into tears. I jumped up from my seat and hurried to the door. I left my coat there too.
I was running like I never did before. I did not care about my car. I was running through those streets, crying. I could not see anything but I kept running.
I had to stop before turning in the corner. Something just told me to stop, then I did so. I tried to catch my breathe quickly and wied my tears away. I could hear the ambulance car's annoying song, and my heart skipped a beat. I had to see what had happened.
There it was.
People everywhere.
A little girl cried loudly.
Blood. Everywhere blood.
I felt sick but I had to got closer.
A man lay on the pavement. His shoes were too familiar. I could not belive if it was you! I went closer. Then I saw your jeans. I ran towards you.
"Saga!" I shouted and you turned your head into my direction. Seemed like you were okay. I did not see the blood what covered everything around you. I ran to you; kneeling down next to you I laid my head into my lap.
"Hey, I am here now!" I said while my tears fell onto your cheeks.
"Why are you crying, Tora-shi?" you wishpered.
"Fuck you, Saga! You made me cry!" I wishpered back, benting down to kiss you. "Don't you dare to leave me alone!"
"I am sorry!" you said crying too. "It hurts so fucking much, babe!"
"I know but do not give up, Love! Please! I will be nothing without you! I-I-I DO LOVE YOU!" I cried out loudly. You raised you hand up and pulled my head down for our last kiss.
"Words are just words, you know... babe!" you wishpered. I kissed you once more after you closed your eyes for the last time.
"Fucking words! I had never lied to you as you did the same!" with that I stopped cry.
Someone stood behind me.
I turned around and saw poor Shou as he cried his eyes out and almost fell onto the ground next to me.
Hiroto tried to calm him a bit but he was broken aswell. Poor boy could not say a single word.
Nao was running towards us. I could see the fear on his face. When he saw Saga's body he stopped and fell onto the ground. He looked so old there. Then he stood up and joined to us.
"Are you alright?" he asked me pointing at my face and hand. I could not say a word like Pon. Just staring up at him I did not know what to do from now on.
Hell, I was alone.
You were gone.
And the whole shit was my fault.
Because I did not go with you.
I wanted to kill that bastard who killed you.
There he was. In the Policemen’s car. I went there and opened the door. I dragged him out of the car. He was… Fuck! He was so young! He looked at least 18 and he was drunk. That made me go mad. After I looked at him and saw how young he was I did not have the mood to kill him. Not anymore.
"You, little asshole, took my life!" I hissed into his face.
"Leave me alone!" he tried to shrug my hands off of himself.
"I just hope that-. No..." I wanted to say that I hope he will lose the meaning of his life soon aswell, but it would be cruel. Not for him.
Then I walked back to my only one Lover's lifeless body and picked him up.
"Where are you going now?!" someone asked me.
"Watching the stars."
"Tora, it is one pm. There is no star on the sky yet."
"Ah, yeah. Then to the park." I wanted to say goodbye to you where no one could see my tears; when no one could hear my broken voice.
Finally they brought you to the hosital and did let me to stay with you. They gave me some time. I was so thankful.
I started to cry again and kept asking you.
But... there was no response.
Not anymore.
Standing up I walk to the other window.
Looking up at the moon I am not saying 'thank you' anymore. No more reason to say that.
Liar.
It promised too nice things, it saw our nights, our life. I said thanks to it, and now where are you, my Love?
Slowly I lick my trembling lips.
"I will love you till the end of my life and after my death too..." I wishper to your star, wiping my one last tear away.
A/N.: Okay… I cried too -_-” so, if you need a tissue just tell me :3
Well, the idea came from yesterday’s news >.< an old man hit an other man with his car and he left him on the road. Then the ambulance came ONE WHOLE FUCKING HOUR LATER!!! And policemen did not want to come, they said it’s not their district o__O; what the fuck is going on?! Er, yeah the man whom the other hit, well he is in hospital and one his legs was amputated…
So, gomen nasai for killing Saga *cries*
I do love him too >.< does any of you believes me?!
Aww, yeah, i will translate this fic to my language and show it to my friend who always ask me „Why don’t you write in Hungarian?!”