His Own Shadow
Title: His Own Shadow - part IV
Author: pins_and_wheels
Rating: PG-13 to NC-17
Warning: AU, dark, non-con, beta-less
Length: 40k and growing, this part is 6k
Pairing: Kai/Taemin (main), Key/Taemin, one-sided Minho/Taemin, Jinki/Taemin
Summary: Taemin loses a part of himself he doesn't know how to hold on to.
( Part IV )
i liked the intro but felt a little upended by the whole thing, because i had no idea who taemin was or where he was or what was happening, but once i figured out it was a dream sequence i went with the flow of it and tried to look for plot hints - i liked the idea of the Other shoving him over the edge of the building, sort of a "kbye you won't be needed anymore", it felt very final and shocking
He’s hoarse, the same way he always is on the wrong end of one of Kibum’s epic house parties, which tells him he’s been making same noises for hours.
totally feeling sorry for poor taemin here but i can already tell i'm gonna be in deep like with kibum
“I’ll do a braid. Sit.”
i'm sensing everyone in taemin's life might be my spirit animal - yes woman braid your beautiful son's hair yaaaaaaaaas - ugh kicking gender roles in the crotch like a hbic
Taemin was pretty sure women had compartments in their bodies for certain things they could never be without - skin pockets for hairclips and tampons and lip gloss.
this is so cute, also if only, maybe then i'd stop having to look for things all over all the time
It was probably because he had never met his father, but there were moments Taemin felt sure that he had come from his mother alone - conceived by grief, born of her need for a distraction, one day spontaneously bursting from her loins.
i assume this is really a rather creepy concept, but something about this just makes me so happy, the idea of her fixing her grief with a baby she invented - it's ridiculous in a super charming way
sherbet lipstick
okay so the name for the colour lipstick you picked here made me crave the lipstick and the dessert all at once - does sherbet lipstick exist? i want it, and i need it to taste of sherbet
if anyone wants to tell me how to use livejournal so I can post less like an idiot, that'd be most appreciated
random interlude; maybe this will be helpful to you? http://linnhe.livejournal.com/12465.html
“I told him, if he wants flamboyant, he should see how I suck cock.”
CALLED IT
KIBUM IS PERFECT
Taemin would probably let the older blonde put some walk to his talk.
oh man, the way you phrase that, walk to his talk, i was sitting here like "YES DO IT PUT THE WALK IN THE TALK DO IT ON THE PAVEMENT I DONT CARE JUST HONOUR THAT BEAUTIFUL CHOICE OF WORDS" but then all they did was walk to school T_T
They’re contemplating each other over Taemin’s shoulder when a silver-haired suit brushes passed, battering them apart with a briefcase he has held like a shield.
contemplating each other over Taemin’s shoulder, okay? sob. also, that business guy is a rude little duckling
“I’ll steer your ass into the dirt if you don’t watch it. And you meant, 'steed,' you ditz.”
;________; why are you so wonderful kibummie, why. talk more, every word out of your mouth makes me happy
Taemin hates studying maths and sciences - he hates the way they hypothesize, theorize, dissect and probe everything magical in the world into something perfectly comprehensible and ugly. He doesn’t want to know how clouds make rain, or what makes planes stay up or why the combination of crystals and sunshine is handheld rainbows.
casually loving how much taemin is like me in this aspect, especially the use of the word "ugly" rang true - i feel like i'm looked down on for having this attitude in life because "you wouldn't have the pc you're using to be online, in fact there wouldn't be any internet, OR ANYTHING without these fields" but ffs it's not because i don't know how to catch shrimp that i can't ever have shrimp - other people can bother with these unmagical things and i'll bother with this
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ughhhh your writing
It was during the previous semester at one of Kibum’s uncontainable, sloppy house parties that their relationship had soured - or curdled, more like - when Minho had been drunk and Taemin had found himself backed into a clumsily locked bathroom, fighting like a cat over water to keep various parts of Minho out of various parts of him.
minho why are you so incredibly terrible! ew how about you don't force yourself on people you douchewad
Taemin holds his breath and goes perfectly still, hoping Minho might think he died in that position, with his body turned in toward the class and his head turned unnaturally out toward the window, like a manikin in a display case.
oh man ;-; the part about him hoping minho might think he died sitting like that made me laugh so hard, and then you taught me a different, awesome-looking spelling for mannequin, and bla bla your choice of words let me roll in this ocean of perfect words
on that note, i also really liked these words
that voicemail was utterly disturbing - the unexpected discrepancy between what he thougth he'd be hearing and what he got, and then it immediately being something so repulsive - i felt awful reading this
He’s left with this, a fact: the boy’s reflection is still there, but Taemin’s is not.
HOW MOTHERFUCKING CREEPY AUGH!!
He squints - it's as though he can't focus, he can't quite place the limb. It looks like the husk of that boy that once was him but absolutely is not anymore, whose most daunting problems in life were exams and recitals, choosing which university he wanted to attend the following year, being queer.
oh man can i love you for making the queer almost an afterthought, i feel like you played his sexuality just right, not ignoring it (which i do all the time in my porn lo5) but not making it into BUT I ARE NOT HOMO either, just perfect
also that you said queer and not gay, hello beautiful rarity
Taemin picks up the relic; caller ID shows him a familiar number.
relic :D i'm going to name my landline that from now on
He pulls out a pristine silver pack, “I’ve quit quitting, by the way. Want a cigarette?”
I AM SURE THIS HAS BEEN SAID OR WRITTEN AT SOME POINT SOMEWHERE BEFORE BUT I DON'T CARE I THINK KIBUM - and thus, you - IS THE CLEVEREST, MOST FABULOUSLY SLY THING
quit quitting
oh man
“You’re coming to practice tomorrow,” Kibum asserts, taking a pull from his drink, sniffing loudly and leaning back in his seat with his legs spread. Without subtlety, he adjusts himself. For a boy who from time to time dressed in full uniforms of pink clothing, his hyung could be disarmingly masculine.
can i have his children :( he's so shameless and sexy
i'm sorry for loving so hard on kibum, i know he's not really the point in this story but he's just so foin
"Who?"
"You know who."
"You mean..." Taemin leans in close, glancing around the shop discretely, "Voldemort?"
Kibum slaps his arm, calls him names and finally spits out, "Krystal," as though Taemin had actually been mistaken.
yes i am immature and laughed stupidly hard at this
Mention of their classmate gets Taemin to smile - the whole debacle had ended last semester with the lovestruck younger girl breaking into his hyung’s house, soaking his sheets in her perfume and nicking several pairs of boxers.
well voldemort would probably have attempted to insert part of his soul into one of kibum's knickers so i guess she could be worse
but still
qurl
get it to-get-ur
Kibum's smile tells him he’s not fooling anyone.
“Don’t give me that look, okay? I don’t like it. I don’t.”
The smirk doesn’t falter. It's joined by two raised eyebrows.
I JUST
HAVE NO PROBLEM IMAGINING THIS FACE
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you are so casual and super cool all the time how do i live without you
“Just,” Taemin stumbles behind him, “in the future, could you maybe not mention mothering me and screwing me in the same breath. Even for us, that’s-”
“You love it. Stop loving it so much.”
so terrible yet so perfect :( can kibum be my best friend seriously tho
By the time they get back to Taemin’s flat, he’s a confused combination of nervous and painfully turned on, having been cornered into various aisles in the local E-Mart so that Kibum could grope him semi-publicly into a state of hardness.
allow me to get emotional because this character isn't a real person
They explode through the door, Kibum flaunting his virility by insisting on carrying all the bags apart from a single box of cereal, which he’d made a show of handing Taemin at the checkout.
CAN IT STOP NOW
HE IS UNACCEPTABLY HILARIOUS
MY RIBS
omg i can just picture him trolling taemin 24/7 and taemin being in a corner like
why do you insist on being like this, hyung. why.
Actually, he’s better than good - and it’s one of the rare occasions that he feels he knows the true extent of his worth. When Taemin had his lips around a cock it was as good as his hand around a leash, a short one; it was the only time in a state of undress that he feels completely in charge.
i realize this might be one of the parts you just put in there to get people to read and you don't whole-heartedly believe this fits taemin but i still really loved this aspect of him - that confidence gained through seeing someone's undeniable approval
also fucking kibum with his fucking butterfly comment, of course
“Shitfuckdo-that-again. What the fuck was that? Don’t tell me - don’t stop, fuck.”
:D "WHO CARES WHAT IT WAS? ONWARDS"
he feels a dull ache at the back of his throat that tells him he’s doing his job right
there's just something about this, how he reduces himself to just this aspect /rolls on the floor
but they’re as past it as they are sharing a toothbrush, or talking to each other while on the toilet
i am so in love with your taekey right now, they are such gross stupid perfect monkeys
Not that he would have hesitated had she been home. She’s caught him so many times since middle school when he had first started jacking off that the scene for them has almost become routine (“Oh sorry, hun. Let me know when you finish up in there. Nana’s on the phone.”)
YUP. I AM NEVER GOING TO BE THIS COMFORTABLE WITH MY MOTHER.
although i guess she's more a really close friend than a mother, and friends, yeah
Taemin knew the older boy had a reputation for being friendly to a fault, but approaching a younger stranger as though he were a dearly held dongsaeng seemed a little much.
all through this exchange i was so fond of how deeply uncomfortable taemin was with just non-verbal communications, it felt profound
Taemin tries to mold a smile in return because he doesn’t know what else to do, but it feels pretty painful on his face. He knows it probably doesn’t look much better, so he lets it melt back into neutral.
OH YES
THAT SMILE
The look is stylish, but Taemin is 99% sure it’s not done on purpose.
omg give him some credit T_T
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it's official
i love everyone in this verse - except kai i guess, since all he's done so far is act like a little bitch, scar his "husk" for life and engage in very convincing attempts to kill him
Jinki eats for ten minutes straight (backwards - sweets first) with his eyes trained on his fingers.
OH MAN ALL I COULD THINK OF WAS MOSS FROM THE IT CROWD, WHEN HE'S ALL "would i blow everyone's mind if i ate dessert first"
moss is my favourite *^*
“Shadow. Are you going to eat that?”
jinki you're not my favourite but only because kibum is really hard to top but we're still early in the story, you steal other people's food so clearly you are a splendid human being, so we'll see
“Sure, everyone’s got shadows. But only a few of us have Shadows, you know? SHAhhdows.”
;; jinki, wae
The box advertises as organic, Taemin’s never seen the likes of it before in their cafeteria. He is charmed by the idea that Jinki brought the thing from home. “You know,” Jinki begins again, after sucking air for a minute through the tiny straw, “honestly, it’s odd to see you without your Shadow. He wore himself unusually close to you.”
CAN JINKI BE A REAL PERSON TOO
the thought of him bringing his favourite juice is indeed so utterly charming, and then how he keeps sucking in air super obnoxiously, but not even to be obnoxious, just because he naturally is ;____;
also kai continues to sound like a creep
Taemin feels the urge to apologize - it was sounding a lot like his Shadow was an asshole.
i agree, i am currently firmly on team get-rid-of-that-bastard-and-let-him-fend-for-himself-for-a-while-see-how-much-he-likes-it-and-taemin-and-jinki-can-start-a-clumsy-club, maybe some side cheers for team can-jinki's-shadow-go-bro-it-up-with-minho-for-a-bit-clearly-they-have-a-lot-in-common
BUT OKAY SO
this story is epic, original, involving, funny, unexpected, well-written and REALLY REALLY LOVELY - i have no idea why you lock this away from the world because as far as i'm concerned everyone should read this, and anyone who doesn't then fall in love with it is a fool :3 you craft your words so well, hmm let me love your writing forever ♥
ps yes this comment was completely necessary
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really. your comments make my heart flutter in a way that otherwise pretty much never happens in my life.
i can't - i don't even know how to begin to respond, especially since i'm such a fan of your fics / existence in general. so i just feel overwhelmed by the idea that you actually read and liked my writing, and then you say all these nice things and i just end up like, shaking and useless. it sounds dumb. it is dumb, but i'm not exaggerating.
blushing, shaking, can't-make-eye-contact-with-my-computer, useless mess.
that being said, thank you so so much for reading and commenting and being so flipping kind. i'm not very confident with anything i write because i know i twist up words in ways that sometimes just sounds completely unnatural...basically, your approval means a lot. a ton of a lot. it means the most of most things. (and that doesn't make sense, but my brain is cooked from blushing and it's late and i'm out of kilter.)
i'll try to update soon - i know there's still not a lot of clarity. i get distracted by just wanting to write taekey and ontae and i sort of lose myself in that. every now and then it occurs to me i still need to explain the whole kai side of things, apart from him just being a possessive douche...hopefully it will develop the way i've planned.
okay THANK YOU thank you so much again for being such a beautiful comment-fairy of perfection and generosity and right-click//synonyms-> all words associated. this response should be longer but i'm shy and communication is hard for me but i hope you sort of understand how grateful i am that you took the time to read and offer feedback. really. i just. alright, i don't know what else to say.
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