Mistrusted faith, second draft Revised (comment please)
Draft two of Mistrusted Faith By Patrick Vogel
(On knees praying) Oh heavenly father, I come before you tonight as I have every night for the past 15 years. To thank you, for what lessons you had taught me throughout that day. I remember, the first time I prayed to you, when I was just three years old, and my dog blue had died. It was the first time I'd ever experienced such loss and I had no clue how to handle it. So, mom told me, I should pray, and ask you to take care of blue in heaven. So I did, and after that I felt better. That day, you taught me about sadness, and loss, and acceptance. When I was 10 years old, mom was in a bad car accident, and she was in a coma. I stayed next to her bed, and prayed, that you would keep her safe. And when she woke up, after three days, I understood that you were testing me, and that, as long as I stayed by her side and prayed, you would be there too, keeping her safe. I thank you for all these lessons you've taught me, they have made me a better person. (Pause) Last year, when my parents got divorced, I understood that it was another test of my faith in you, so I held strong, knowing that even though you closed that door, you had opened a window, I just needed to find it. (Pause) Then, I lost my job at the steel mill, and because of that, mom kicked me out of the house, since I could no longer provide for her. So I moved in with my girlfriend Alice, I was so happy because I thought that this was your goal, for me and her to be Happy together, I would pick my self up, get a new job, then maybe me and Alice could get married. (Pause, starting to cry) But why did you let her get raped and murdered on her way home from work. (Crying) Why did you take away the last person on earth who loved me and could help me in such an un-dignified way? I've been a good Christian haven’t I? I've followed the bible, and gone to church. And when I didn't I'd beg you for forgiveness. Did I miss something? Did I do something wrong? Were you giving me signs all along? I don't understand how, I never gave into the evils of drugs, or sex or alcohol. I was always a good person, to everybody. Was this not enough for you? (Pause, Mark dries his tears) (Slightly angry) Well, if you were testing me as you once tested Job, to see if I would remain faithful no matter what tragedies you brought me. Well, if you were, you've found my limit. (Very angry) I can't believe you would do this to me, after every Sunday in church, every prayer and waking up every morning thinking about how I would please you that day. Well you know what, this is the end. I don't need you anymore. I'm going to live the rest of my life without you. No church, no prayers no nothing. It's pretty obvious I'd be no worse off without you than I am now. So, so long, goodbye! (Pause) I hope you're happy you ruined my whole life. I hope you’re happy that you and Alice were the last things left on this earth I thought I could trust. Now I have nothing, not a single thing to trust, not even my self, so I’m just going to go off now and continue leading a life of mistrust, like I always have. Because looking back, I don’t even think I ever fully trusted you. What would you have done if I had fully trusted you the whole time? Would you have rewarded me, or just taken advantage. Would you have saved my parents marriage? Saved my job, or saved Alice? Or would you just take away even more. (Pause) But I guess now I’ve got nothing to lose and no one to take it away from me. Nothing left but 10 dollars in my pocket, the clothes on my back, and the clothing in my knapsack. So I may as well start over. Maybe someday I’ll be able to trust another human being. (Pause, quietly) Or maybe, just maybe, I’ll be able to have faith. (End)
(On knees praying) Oh heavenly father, I come before you tonight as I have every night for the past 15 years. To thank you, for what lessons you had taught me throughout that day. I remember, the first time I prayed to you, when I was just three years old, and my dog blue had died. It was the first time I'd ever experienced such loss and I had no clue how to handle it. So, mom told me, I should pray, and ask you to take care of blue in heaven. So I did, and after that I felt better. That day, you taught me about sadness, and loss, and acceptance. When I was 10 years old, mom was in a bad car accident, and she was in a coma. I stayed next to her bed, and prayed, that you would keep her safe. And when she woke up, after three days, I understood that you were testing me, and that, as long as I stayed by her side and prayed, you would be there too, keeping her safe. I thank you for all these lessons you've taught me, they have made me a better person. (Pause) Last year, when my parents got divorced, I understood that it was another test of my faith in you, so I held strong, knowing that even though you closed that door, you had opened a window, I just needed to find it. (Pause) Then, I lost my job at the steel mill, and because of that, mom kicked me out of the house, since I could no longer provide for her. So I moved in with my girlfriend Alice, I was so happy because I thought that this was your goal, for me and her to be Happy together, I would pick my self up, get a new job, then maybe me and Alice could get married. (Pause, starting to cry) But why did you let her get raped and murdered on her way home from work. (Crying) Why did you take away the last person on earth who loved me and could help me in such an un-dignified way? I've been a good Christian haven’t I? I've followed the bible, and gone to church. And when I didn't I'd beg you for forgiveness. Did I miss something? Did I do something wrong? Were you giving me signs all along? I don't understand how, I never gave into the evils of drugs, or sex or alcohol. I was always a good person, to everybody. Was this not enough for you? (Pause, Mark dries his tears) (Slightly angry) Well, if you were testing me as you once tested Job, to see if I would remain faithful no matter what tragedies you brought me. Well, if you were, you've found my limit. (Very angry) I can't believe you would do this to me, after every Sunday in church, every prayer and waking up every morning thinking about how I would please you that day. Well you know what, this is the end. I don't need you anymore. I'm going to live the rest of my life without you. No church, no prayers no nothing. It's pretty obvious I'd be no worse off without you than I am now. So, so long, goodbye! (Pause) I hope you're happy you ruined my whole life. I hope you’re happy that you and Alice were the last things left on this earth I thought I could trust. Now I have nothing, not a single thing to trust, not even my self, so I’m just going to go off now and continue leading a life of mistrust, like I always have. Because looking back, I don’t even think I ever fully trusted you. What would you have done if I had fully trusted you the whole time? Would you have rewarded me, or just taken advantage. Would you have saved my parents marriage? Saved my job, or saved Alice? Or would you just take away even more. (Pause) But I guess now I’ve got nothing to lose and no one to take it away from me. Nothing left but 10 dollars in my pocket, the clothes on my back, and the clothing in my knapsack. So I may as well start over. Maybe someday I’ll be able to trust another human being. (Pause, quietly) Or maybe, just maybe, I’ll be able to have faith. (End)