(no subject)
So I am a home in CT, and have been since Christmas. I haven't worked all break until today; at my fathers school. It's a school for kids that have gotten in trouble or refered by the Hartford DCF to be there. It sucked. Even though they had a 90min delay and the day ended at 12, I still hated it. Like a desk chair I just sit there and get shoved out of the way. Other teachers at the school know the kids, some have worked here for 20 years; even they struggle constantly to coax them into doing something non- destructive let alone con-structive. Standing and watching is all I really do. I feel like the other teachers wonder why I don't do anything, so I try and do something- nothing happens. I stand by the door to the classroom and say "get in that classroom" as a kid runs by after his friend that he has been chasing troughout the school for the full first period. I would like to help, I've helped before in rare occations when someone is isolated in a room with a 6th grade math worksheet and they should be in 8th grade. I feel useless and pissed off. Why do does the principal and my Dad want me there when I am helpless? I'm not in the position nor do I have the pesonality to get empowered in this situation. I go to speak but there is no air in my lungs. I more air to walk through when I try and block somebody from going through a door. It's almost like it is dangerous to have me around, I could allow something bad to happen because I do less than what people expect. Fuck it sucks working there, but I justify alot by saying its the situation, and I hope it is. What I have written is obviously not the whole of it. I don't like being depressing.
I should write when I'm happy sometimes.
---Ryan
I should write when I'm happy sometimes.
---Ryan