(no subject)
i think the brief 14 days i spent in Japan late summer of 2012 was crucial for me. i encountered Vipassana meditation, and though Life's ups and downs still happen as the earth orbits around the sun, but i'm less affected, and certainly i find it easy to un-attach.
and just as i was about to post what i drafted, a good friend who helped me heaps, was diagnosed with stomach cancer, and to think that i ironically refer to him endearingly as 'tummy'. my nose quickly soured, and my chin warped. am sure that he noticed it, and made his exit before our accidental meet up earlier today ended up in tears.
***
i know how i got to where i am today. the hell that i went through, and the hell that i made my family went through. the choice that lays in front of me now is, to help, or not to help, just as i'm halfway through with my loans. if i do help, resources will be depleted, with the possibility of a favorable outcome, and i'll just have to take a much longer time to return my loans. if i do not help, i can thus keep this for another rainy day as my wealth amasses. as usual, the heart wants to help, but the logical mind states that it knows better.
if i do not help, i will see him slip away from me and fade slowly and painfully. attachment brings suffering, that is something we already know although what will eat away at me mainly will be the fact that i choose not to help. does he want me help? too proud and stubborn to ask anyone for it is he. will he be angry at me if i do help? sure he will nag and blow up, but i know he can't bring himself to kick me, and that he'll be grateful.
***
having a great weekend only to end it with a killer. Ups and downs indeed, life throws at you. i have to think through this carefully.
and just as i was about to post what i drafted, a good friend who helped me heaps, was diagnosed with stomach cancer, and to think that i ironically refer to him endearingly as 'tummy'. my nose quickly soured, and my chin warped. am sure that he noticed it, and made his exit before our accidental meet up earlier today ended up in tears.
***
i know how i got to where i am today. the hell that i went through, and the hell that i made my family went through. the choice that lays in front of me now is, to help, or not to help, just as i'm halfway through with my loans. if i do help, resources will be depleted, with the possibility of a favorable outcome, and i'll just have to take a much longer time to return my loans. if i do not help, i can thus keep this for another rainy day as my wealth amasses. as usual, the heart wants to help, but the logical mind states that it knows better.
if i do not help, i will see him slip away from me and fade slowly and painfully. attachment brings suffering, that is something we already know although what will eat away at me mainly will be the fact that i choose not to help. does he want me help? too proud and stubborn to ask anyone for it is he. will he be angry at me if i do help? sure he will nag and blow up, but i know he can't bring himself to kick me, and that he'll be grateful.
***
having a great weekend only to end it with a killer. Ups and downs indeed, life throws at you. i have to think through this carefully.