Are we there yet?
I'm ready for this entire week to be over.
It seems every time I write -- I'm complaining -- I do apologize, especially for this next entry. My thoughts have been flustered and cluttered. I'm not sure where I stand or where I am even. In fact, I feel numb to everyone and every feeling. I don't know if I should be crying or happy at the moment. I am stressed, but I don't give a flying fuck at the moment.
To begin, I think I'll reiterate my boy situation. Well, Amber does like Amen. Whoop-dee-doo. But, wait! I knew that already. The only reason I know officially is because she texted me going: "maybe this'll give him time to miss me...;P! Lol." Only because I went to starbucks today just to work on English. My intent was not to flirt with boys. Honestly, I'm not mad. Maybe...a little disappointed...and a little hurt...just a little. But really? What was I suppose to expect? I already knew the outcome before it happened.
Thank God, Jim wasn't there though. I don't think I could focus with all his stories. Anyways, Amber shouldn't be coming tomorrow since she told me she wouldn't. Though, I wouldn't be surprised if her plans change. As where my heart is, I'm not exactly sure. It's been like this for the longest time. I can't seem to find someone to crush on and actually stick with that guy. Am I expecting too much? Perhaps, I am. For now, I think my attention is focused on Jim. According to Amber, we "totally clicked." Either that, or it's really easy to talk to him.
Moving on.
School was decent. I actually wish I presented today, but my last name is not in favor for me. I don't want to present though...just because I'll be repeating what everyone's said...but that is the assignment she's assigned me. Some of the characters are confusing...and it makes me wanna chunk my literature book out the window and set it on fire while running over it multiple of times. I know -- I'm a little violent right now. Sorry. Biology was decent. I have test Wednesday...which might be an utter failure for me since all I can do is English at the moment.
My dad is also leaving to the North to attend some meeting of his. This means my mom and I will be left alone...together...alone... That's kinda scary, considering my mother and I do not get along. I suppose I'll avoid her to the best of my efforts.
Hm, I know I haven't exactly been myself lately...things have just been so weird for me...but they've been normal too. I suppose it's all in my head. Can I just go to sleep, dream, and never wake up? It seems that's the only place I'm happy for these past two weeks -- in my dreams. I'm happy other places too but it's never enough for me.
Part of me is scared though...of what I'm not sure yet. Being alone? Being a bitter bitch for the rest of life? Becoming the failure that I am? or all of the above?
Maybe, somethings just weren't meant to be....
It seems every time I write -- I'm complaining -- I do apologize, especially for this next entry. My thoughts have been flustered and cluttered. I'm not sure where I stand or where I am even. In fact, I feel numb to everyone and every feeling. I don't know if I should be crying or happy at the moment. I am stressed, but I don't give a flying fuck at the moment.
To begin, I think I'll reiterate my boy situation. Well, Amber does like Amen. Whoop-dee-doo. But, wait! I knew that already. The only reason I know officially is because she texted me going: "maybe this'll give him time to miss me...;P! Lol." Only because I went to starbucks today just to work on English. My intent was not to flirt with boys. Honestly, I'm not mad. Maybe...a little disappointed...and a little hurt...just a little. But really? What was I suppose to expect? I already knew the outcome before it happened.
Thank God, Jim wasn't there though. I don't think I could focus with all his stories. Anyways, Amber shouldn't be coming tomorrow since she told me she wouldn't. Though, I wouldn't be surprised if her plans change. As where my heart is, I'm not exactly sure. It's been like this for the longest time. I can't seem to find someone to crush on and actually stick with that guy. Am I expecting too much? Perhaps, I am. For now, I think my attention is focused on Jim. According to Amber, we "totally clicked." Either that, or it's really easy to talk to him.
Moving on.
School was decent. I actually wish I presented today, but my last name is not in favor for me. I don't want to present though...just because I'll be repeating what everyone's said...but that is the assignment she's assigned me. Some of the characters are confusing...and it makes me wanna chunk my literature book out the window and set it on fire while running over it multiple of times. I know -- I'm a little violent right now. Sorry. Biology was decent. I have test Wednesday...which might be an utter failure for me since all I can do is English at the moment.
My dad is also leaving to the North to attend some meeting of his. This means my mom and I will be left alone...together...alone... That's kinda scary, considering my mother and I do not get along. I suppose I'll avoid her to the best of my efforts.
Hm, I know I haven't exactly been myself lately...things have just been so weird for me...but they've been normal too. I suppose it's all in my head. Can I just go to sleep, dream, and never wake up? It seems that's the only place I'm happy for these past two weeks -- in my dreams. I'm happy other places too but it's never enough for me.
Part of me is scared though...of what I'm not sure yet. Being alone? Being a bitter bitch for the rest of life? Becoming the failure that I am? or all of the above?
Maybe, somethings just weren't meant to be....