I've never been so embarrassed in my life.
As a parent, is it so hard to compliment a child and push him/her in a way that'll help her improve? Instead of dogging him/her down all the time? Why do I always get the short end of the straw? Always.
Honestly, I'm kinda tired right of my parents right now. I want to go far, far away from them and just forget that they ever existed. But, for some reason, that would hurt me too much...I don't have many options at this point. I'm doing my best not to be dramatic...but that's not something I can help at this point.
Here's my story:
I wanted to hang out with Morgan today, so I go over to her house and at this point, I've been arguing with my mom over tons of things. Apparently, I'm never going to get a guy because I'm ugly and fat. I'm not that smart. I'll never be able to be a doctor. But, y'know, I try to remain strong and not let her words get to me. Though, at some point, they do...especially today. While I'm at Morgan's house, my parents force me to drive them to this Chinese dinner party, and when I do, they trick and force me to stay. I, of course, would've preferred to drop them off and leave. Yet, they guilted me into staying...and I did. About half of the Asian community knows that I'm mad at my mom because she can never keep a secret -- and she wonders why I never tell her anything. I felt incredibly guilty...and denying that I was mad at her made it worse. Then, there I was sitting next to Rose who is this girl that's beyond smart. She gets asked all these questions like about what colleges she wants to go to and shit like that...Ivy League, of course. I've never felt so incapable in my entire life. Why did my mom force Rose to sit next to me? Was she hoping that some of her intelligence would flow onto me like some fluenza? Or was that her revenge in trying to teach me a lesson? Amit, my dad's colleague, was trying to make me stay by cheering me up, but that never helped. I could feel the tears come on strong. I held back so much...by the time I left, I was running to my car in practically tears.
It sounds pathetic...but I promise it was ten times worse sitting through that dinner and having everyone watch me from afar.
I love Morgan and Sarah, though. Sometimes, I forget that there are people out there that love me. Morgan and I went to watch Twilight [again], and I felt better. But, the memories kept washing back and forth in my mind. I wanted to spend the night at her house so much, but I would've felt bad for ruining her studies. Love you, Mogy <3.
I ended up parking my SUV at Starbucks, and I was so tempted to go in, but after taking a look in the mirror, I was such a mess. I called Sarah and told her my story. She put up with me a good bit and listened to my bullshit. Thanks, Sahra <3.
Sometimes, I think my mom is right. Maybe, I'm born a failure and I always will be one. But, that's never gotten me down so much. I do so much better when I'm alone and away from my parents. And, I wonder if its worth staying another semester and going through this eternal hell. I'm not sure at this point.
I think I am hopeless.
Whatever.
Honestly, I'm kinda tired right of my parents right now. I want to go far, far away from them and just forget that they ever existed. But, for some reason, that would hurt me too much...I don't have many options at this point. I'm doing my best not to be dramatic...but that's not something I can help at this point.
Here's my story:
I wanted to hang out with Morgan today, so I go over to her house and at this point, I've been arguing with my mom over tons of things. Apparently, I'm never going to get a guy because I'm ugly and fat. I'm not that smart. I'll never be able to be a doctor. But, y'know, I try to remain strong and not let her words get to me. Though, at some point, they do...especially today. While I'm at Morgan's house, my parents force me to drive them to this Chinese dinner party, and when I do, they trick and force me to stay. I, of course, would've preferred to drop them off and leave. Yet, they guilted me into staying...and I did. About half of the Asian community knows that I'm mad at my mom because she can never keep a secret -- and she wonders why I never tell her anything. I felt incredibly guilty...and denying that I was mad at her made it worse. Then, there I was sitting next to Rose who is this girl that's beyond smart. She gets asked all these questions like about what colleges she wants to go to and shit like that...Ivy League, of course. I've never felt so incapable in my entire life. Why did my mom force Rose to sit next to me? Was she hoping that some of her intelligence would flow onto me like some fluenza? Or was that her revenge in trying to teach me a lesson? Amit, my dad's colleague, was trying to make me stay by cheering me up, but that never helped. I could feel the tears come on strong. I held back so much...by the time I left, I was running to my car in practically tears.
It sounds pathetic...but I promise it was ten times worse sitting through that dinner and having everyone watch me from afar.
I love Morgan and Sarah, though. Sometimes, I forget that there are people out there that love me. Morgan and I went to watch Twilight [again], and I felt better. But, the memories kept washing back and forth in my mind. I wanted to spend the night at her house so much, but I would've felt bad for ruining her studies. Love you, Mogy <3.
I ended up parking my SUV at Starbucks, and I was so tempted to go in, but after taking a look in the mirror, I was such a mess. I called Sarah and told her my story. She put up with me a good bit and listened to my bullshit. Thanks, Sahra <3.
Sometimes, I think my mom is right. Maybe, I'm born a failure and I always will be one. But, that's never gotten me down so much. I do so much better when I'm alone and away from my parents. And, I wonder if its worth staying another semester and going through this eternal hell. I'm not sure at this point.
I think I am hopeless.
Whatever.