reality check...
soo as much as i try not to think bout things they keep poppin into my head..i think i really need to seek professional help
im having a really hard time dealing w/things rite now
for starters....my grandpa gene who lives in a convalescent home near us is still holdin up and doin ok...he actually gave us a scare a couple months ago...he went to the emergency room and we were told he probly wasn't gonna make it through the nite...luckily the stubborness in him came through and he fought it and now hes doin pretty good actually...still sick and not too much longer to live...but its not gonna be the next month or so...its just really hard dealin w/that knowin that i guess my grandpa is slowly dying and this time next year probly won't be here w/us n e more...its even harder now cuz everytime we visit him wich is often cuz we want to cherish the time we have w/him...he asks us when he can go home and stuff like that....stuff he hasn't talked bout or asked in a loong time..its soo hard to tell him he can't go home...so we hafta ignore it when he says things like that...its hard to see him like that...
...secondly...im actually at my other grandparents house...because my grandma sandy who has been there for every moment of my life...has alzheimers and its startin to get worse...on tues and thurs her husband my step grandpa bud goes golfing so now i come to stay w/her and help her out and remind her to do her everyday things till he comes home...its pretty fun cuz i get to spend time w/my grandma but its really hard cuz of all the years she took care of me now im takin care of her....and its extremely hard to know that in a few months she may not even know who i am...
soo basically im copin w/the fact that im slowly losing both grandparents and i know thats how life is.....as we get older these things occur....but i just wish that when it was time for me to have kids theyd have my grandparents still around and thats not gonna be the case....
i just needed to get this out.....as hard as it is to face reality i feel that at times im letting it affect me and the way i am w/others and i really don't mean to its just really really hard and im not used to dealing w/things like this...i mean i know no one is used to it...but i duno...
well im gonna go now.....
bye
♥
im having a really hard time dealing w/things rite now
for starters....my grandpa gene who lives in a convalescent home near us is still holdin up and doin ok...he actually gave us a scare a couple months ago...he went to the emergency room and we were told he probly wasn't gonna make it through the nite...luckily the stubborness in him came through and he fought it and now hes doin pretty good actually...still sick and not too much longer to live...but its not gonna be the next month or so...its just really hard dealin w/that knowin that i guess my grandpa is slowly dying and this time next year probly won't be here w/us n e more...its even harder now cuz everytime we visit him wich is often cuz we want to cherish the time we have w/him...he asks us when he can go home and stuff like that....stuff he hasn't talked bout or asked in a loong time..its soo hard to tell him he can't go home...so we hafta ignore it when he says things like that...its hard to see him like that...
...secondly...im actually at my other grandparents house...because my grandma sandy who has been there for every moment of my life...has alzheimers and its startin to get worse...on tues and thurs her husband my step grandpa bud goes golfing so now i come to stay w/her and help her out and remind her to do her everyday things till he comes home...its pretty fun cuz i get to spend time w/my grandma but its really hard cuz of all the years she took care of me now im takin care of her....and its extremely hard to know that in a few months she may not even know who i am...
soo basically im copin w/the fact that im slowly losing both grandparents and i know thats how life is.....as we get older these things occur....but i just wish that when it was time for me to have kids theyd have my grandparents still around and thats not gonna be the case....
i just needed to get this out.....as hard as it is to face reality i feel that at times im letting it affect me and the way i am w/others and i really don't mean to its just really really hard and im not used to dealing w/things like this...i mean i know no one is used to it...but i duno...
well im gonna go now.....
bye
♥