[onhyunkey] love is a labor (so don't dock my pay)
title: love is a labor (so don’t dock my pay)
~6370 words
jongyu, onkey, jongkey | (onhyunkey)
romance angst fluff and all that shebang, PG
summary: jonghyun and kibum knew there would come a day when they would regret leaving jinki out of things.
notes: happy birthday, hyungdeul! see, i didn't leave, okay; not supposed to be writing but shot my acads in the foot for you because i love you forever and always! ♥ /slowly crawls back to life of pure geekery OTL cough. celebratory drinking session y/y? :D
Jinki watches as Jonghyun and Kibum huddle close together for the fifth time in the past hour alone, whispering conspiratorially about something. Kibum throws his head back and laughs, and Jonghyun smirks like one does when imparting a dirty little secret meant only for two pairs of ears. Jinki quashes down the urge to walk over to them and attempt to drop in on the conversation, too familiar with the futility of that notion to act on it accordingly.
It’s not that big a deal to him, not really. It’s just that he wishes that they would confide in him more, seeing as he is their leader and all. After more than three years of living together, he can’t understand why they still shut him out sometimes, suddenly falling into uncomfortable silence when he bounds up to them after they’ve started keeling over from laughter.
He likes to think they don’t do it on purpose. Or that they didn’t happen to be talking about him in particular during his untimely interruptions. It doesn’t help that Kibum always averts his eyes and looks elsewhere, adopting a bored expression that erases all traces of mirth on his face, or that Jonghyun grins at Jinki and starts talking extremely fast about a topic that is quite obviously not related to the one he and Kibum had been discussing just moments before.
Okay, so maybe it does bother him. Just a tiny bit. He doesn’t know why, exactly - over the years he has come to accept that Jonghyun and Kibum are best friends and that he can’t be as in tune with their thoughts as they are with each other’s no matter how hard he tries, but is it so bad to want to be a part of that too-familiar camaraderie? On their own, the two of them get along with Jinki well enough, but as soon as they’re together it’s like there’s this wall that he’s not allowed to cross. And it gets lonely, being on the other side of that wall.
Jinki has his suspicions - it’s built up from hours of watching from the sidelines, witnessing the seemingly telepathic exchange of looks, the unconscious brushing of fingers to shoulder and hip and hair and face. And he thinks that maybe he’s better off accepting that that is the way things are, and that there’s nothing he can do about it.
-
It’s Jonghyun who notices it first, the way Jinki has taken to sitting quietly in a corner, occupying himself with a book or a script or simply his own thoughts, tuning out his surroundings until one of the members finally walks up to him and engages him in conversation.
“Hey, hyung,” Jonghyun says, sitting next to him on the couch.
Jinki looks up and notices the bothered look on Jonghyun’s face. “Is something wrong?” he asks automatically, putting aside the script he’d been perusing and settling a concerned gaze on Jonghyun. He reflexively checks the vicinity for Kibum before remembering that Kibum left the dorm early in the morning for a separate schedule.
Jonghyun blinks confusedly at him. “No, there’s nothing-you’re not mad at me, are you?” he blurts out.
It’s Jinki’s turn to look confused. “Why would I be?”
Jonghyun stares at him, mouth slowly forming into a smile. “I just thought…never mind. Listen, can we eat out today? Taemin’s complaining that he hasn’t been eating enough meat lately.”
Jinki cocks his head to the side. “But Taemin’s got dance lessons until two. He and Minho will probably have eaten lunch by then.”
“So just the two of us can go, and we’ll grab something for them to go,” Jonghyun says, unfazed.
“Well…okay,” Jinki concedes. “Wait, don’t you want to wait for Kibum? He should be home in a few minutes.”
Jonghyun tugs at Jinki’s wrist impatiently. “I called him already; there was some sort of delay earlier on and he says he’s having lunch on-site. Come on, hyung, please? I’m really hungry!” He gives Jinki his best I’m-your-cute-dongsaeng-and-you-know-it-so-just-do-what-I-say look, and really, how can Jinki say no to that?
-
Taemin’s the one who unlocks the front door when they get back, sharp eyes already trained on the plastic bag in Jinki’s hand. “That’s for me, right?” He beams, swiping the plastic bag from Jinki’s fingers and skipping off to the dining room.
“You’re welcome, Taeminnie,” Jonghyun calls out sarcastically, and Taemin’s muffled “You two are the best!” is heard down the hallway.
Jinki laughs, feeling utterly contented. He has exceeded his required protein intake for the day, and he and Jonghyun had even taken the extra effort to defy their nutritionist-prescribed diet and ordered a gigantic banana split to share-he hadn’t realized how much time had flown by, having missed just hanging out and talking casually with Jonghyun about basically anything.
His laughter soon dies out when he and Jonghyun walk into the living room, their eyes falling on Kibum, who looks up from his phone with a slight frown on his face. “Where were you?” he asks with a hint of accusation, and Jinki swallows hard, feeling like he has been caught doing something wrong as Jonghyun quickly removes his arm from around Jinki’s shoulders and rushes to Kibum’s side, holding his hands up in a placating gesture.
“You told me you couldn’t get home in time for lunch, didn’t you?” Jonghyun says, but Kibum’s piercing stare is directed at Jinki, his face unreadable.
“Um. We brought you guys samgyupsal,” Jinki offers feebly, and he suddenly thinks that now would be a good time to retreat to his room. He isn’t quite sure what to make of Jonghyun’s fingers curling over Kibum’s shoulder as he promises him that they can stuff their faces together next time, or of Kibum turning to Jonghyun, expression softening after listening to Jonghyun’s enthusiastic explanation. Jinki tries to blend into the background as he shuffles away.
“Jinki-hyung! Thanks,” Kibum calls out just when Jinki is about to enter their shared bedroom. There’s something odd about the way Kibum smiles at him, but he doesn’t seem as irritated as Jinki initially thought so he takes it as a good sign.
Jinki smiles apprehensively back.
“Anytime,” he says, averting his eyes when Jonghyun interlaces his fingers with Kibum’s, waving his free hand around animatedly as he rambles on.
-
“What’s this?” Jinki asks blankly, staring down at the shopping bag that Kibum has just shoved into his arms like it is some sort of alien artifact.
Kibum rolls his eyes and sighs. “Just some t-shirts. I went shopping today.” He gestures at the heaps of other shopping bags strewn haphazardly over his own bed and glances back at Jinki as if this should have been painfully obvious.
“Yeah, I noticed. Did you have fun?” Jinki extends his arm and makes to hand the shopping bag back to Kibum, and Kibum glares at him. “…what?”
“It’s for you, hyung,” Kibum says exasperatedly.
“Oh,” Jinki says, baffled. He retracts his outstretched hand and stares at Kibum’s present, racking his brains as to the reason behind Kibum’s spontaneous generosity. “What’s the occasion?”
Kibum glances away. “Nothing, I just thought of you when I saw those, okay?”
Jinki opens his mouth to ask another question, but thinks better of it when Kibum turns back to him with a face that says he should just shut up and accept it. He figures that he ought to just go along with whatever good mood Kibum happens to be in at the moment. “Did you get Jonghyun something, too?”
Kibum frowns. “No,” he says simply, and he must have registered the look of surprise on Jinki’s face, because he adds, “I’m always buying stuff for him. He’s not going to flip if I don’t give him something for once.”
“I guess not,” Jinki acquiesces, taking the liberty to examine the shirts and admiring Kibum’s sense of style. He beams at Kibum. “Thanks, Kibum-ah! These are really nice.”
“No problem,” Kibum mutters, ducking his head in uncharacteristic embarrassment, and Jinki smiles fondly at how cute he looks.
And he did not just think that. Jinki shakes his head to clear it of weird thoughts. “I’m going to put these in the wash,” he says. He can feel Kibum’s eyes boring into the back of his neck as he leaves their room.
-
The van drops Jinki off in front of the company building after his musical rehearsals, and he rushes through the front doors, already late for group dance practice. He slows down his pace when he sees Jonghyun standing in front of the vending machine in the lobby, drinking from a soda can in a subconscious pose that is not unlike one that a CF model adopts while advertising a particular brand of cola. It’s a skill that Jinki has yet to master.
“Hey,” he says as he approaches. Jonghyun drains the can’s contents with a final tilt and then tosses it into the trash bin next to the vending machine, swiping a finger over his bottom lip. Jinki stares, half-envious and half-admiring at the way Jonghyun pulls off looking so cool with so little effort.
Jonghyun grins broadly at him, snapping Jinki out of his reverie. “Hey yourself. Back from Rock of Ages rehearsals?”
“Yeah,” Jinki replies. He falls into step beside Jonghyun as they walk to their designated practice room.
“Nice shirt,” Jonghyun says out of the blue, nodding in approval at Jinki’s outfit. Jinki smiles at the compliment.
“Thanks! Kibum gave it to me,” Jinki says without thinking. He doesn’t miss how Jonghyun’s smile quickly disappears, and there’s that feeling again, like he just did something horribly wrong and the worst part is that he doesn’t know exactly what.
He doesn’t like the way Jonghyun’s eyes narrow, and for a moment he has this irrational fear that Jonghyun is going to start yelling at him. But Jonghyun only asks, “Did he say why?”
Jinki shakes his head. He seems to have hit a nerve and he doesn’t want to worsen the sudden tension. “Um. You and Kibum. You’re not…fighting or anything, are you?”
“Of course not,” Jonghyun replies shortly, but Jinki doubts the complete honesty in that when they stroll into the practice room and Jonghyun pulls Kibum aside, talking low and fast, obviously upset about something. Kibum is scowling and talking back with a defiant look on his face, and when their manager sticks his head into the room and berates them for slacking off, the two hurry to their positions, both looking mutinous.
“What’s up with Jonghyun-hyung and Kibum?” Minho asks Jinki in hushed tones.
“I don’t know,” Jinki says, feeling miserable and accountable for what had just transpired.
Jonghyun and Kibum pointedly refuse to look at or even talk to each other for the rest of the practice. Minho regards them with a wary air and a raised eyebrow, wisely opting to stay out of it, while Taemin keeps glancing anxiously from one to the other, biting his lip as if to stop himself from asking unwanted questions. Jinki approaches Jonghyun at the end of the practice, but Jonghyun shrugs him off and says it’s nothing.
“No, it’s not,” Jinki says, grabbing Jonghyun’s wrist, intent on getting to the bottom of this. “Is this about what we were talking about before practice? Because I swear, Kibum was probably just on retail therapy when he bought me stuff-”
“Hyung, I’m not upset about that, okay? Do you think I’m that petty?” Jonghyun asks, clearly offended at how Jinki could presume that he could be that shallow.
“No, I didn’t mean it like-well, why are you mad at each other?” Jinki says helplessly.
Jonghyun sighs. “We’re not fighting, hyung,” he assures him. “Right, Kibum?” he calls out to the boy in question.
Kibum glances over at them, eyes darting to Jinki’s hand on Jonghyun’s wrist, and Jinki promptly lets go. “We’re really not, hyung,” Kibum says flatly before slinging his gym bag over his shoulder and making a beeline for Taemin.
“See?” Jonghyun tells him. Jinki wants to point out how thoroughly unconvincing the two of them are, and maybe give Jonghyun a lecture on how their little lovers’ tiff is going to bring down team morale, but he doesn’t have the heart to do it because Jonghyun suddenly looks so tired.
“We will talk about this tomorrow,” Jinki says firmly, crossing his arms.
Jonghyun rubs his temple wearily. “Hyung,” he whines. “Look, I’ll talk to Kibum later; we just had a…minor disagreement. Really. So don’t worry your pretty little head about it, okay?” He pats Jinki on the shoulder and turns to leave.
Jinki really doesn’t like where this is going.
-
Technically he hasn’t actively done anything to incur either Jonghyun’s or Kibum’s wrath, but he can’t help the niggling feeling that he is still somehow at fault. Being in the same room with the two of them is starting to become a highly uncomfortable experience, the silence so suffocating that Jinki is half-considering the merits of begging them to just make up with each other. He still can’t deduce what exactly caused them to give each other the cold shoulder, and both stubbornly refuse to tell him whenever he tries to ask.
Strangely enough, they have both acquired the habit of talking to him more often, despite his fears that they are just putting up a front and are secretly harboring feelings of resentment towards him. It doesn’t seem to be the case, if their sincerity is anything to go by. Kibum is being extra-nice to him these days, cooking him all those dishes that he learned how to whip up in his last regular variety show stint, sweetly asking Jinki if he needs a cup of tea or a tub of hot water or a back massage whenever he comes home exhausted from his schedules. Jonghyun, who has always been more comfortable with Jinki than Kibum ever was, has recently been dragging Jinki into skipping dance practice with him for a few hours of walking incognito down the busy streets of Seoul, ordering iced coffees in jam-packed cafés, playing with little kids in the nearby park and running for their lives when the kids’ young mothers squeal in delighted surprise upon recognizing them.
He has never had more fun with either of them before-a part of him likes this arrangement way too much to want to let it go, but having all three of them in one room always forces him back into reality. Countless times he’s stumbled through the dorm’s front door, his arm slung companionably over Jonghyun’s shoulder, only for them to walk into Kibum in the kitchen, Kibum shooting Jonghyun a death glare as he storms out and abandons the painstaking dinner he has prepared. Jonghyun’s eyes would rove over the table, obviously set only for two, and announce that he feels like eating pizza and would Jinki feel up to stepping back out and devouring an entire box with him? Conversely, Jonghyun’s good mood would turn blatantly foul whenever he leaves his room and sees Kibum and Jinki huddled on the couch watching a horror movie together, Kibum clinging all the more tightly to Jinki’s arm upon seeing Jonghyun’s mouth twisted in a scowl and ignoring Jinki’s feeble suggestions to let Jonghyun join them.
At one point he starts wondering if it is all just an elaborate scheme for them to one-up each other, trying to make each other jealous by using him as the convenient third party. If this is true, Jinki doesn’t appreciate it one bit. While he likes the idea of them hanging out with him, treating him more like a close friend than just their silly, unimpressionable hyung, he realizes that he never wanted it like this, having to trade it for their mutual aversion to each other.
He liked them better when they were attached at the hip, bringing out the best and tearing down the worst in the other. Kibum doesn’t come off as cold and unapproachable with Jonghyun constantly saying dry witticisms that make him burst out laughing, and god knows Jonghyun would be overbearingly arrogant if Kibum weren’t around to remind him, unfailingly blunt, of all of his own flaws. Jinki likes how Kibum is so much more agreeable when Jonghyun is there to loosen him up, how Jonghyun is so loud and upbeat when Kibum is beside him, the two of them talking over the many mutual interests that they are so passionate about. He loves how hyperactive they are when they’re together, infecting the other members with their boundless energy even after their most draining schedules.
Sometimes he catches the frustrated expression on their faces when they think he’s already looking the other way. It’s uncanny how they both ask him the same things: “Hyung, we’re good like this, right?” “You have more fun when you’re with me, don’t you?” “Are you happy, hyung?” And he can’t say no outright because then he’d be lying-except for the second question, which he dodges whenever asked, unable to give a straight answer because he doesn’t know himself. He cares about them, Jonghyun and Kibum both, and while being their new best friend is something he’s immeasurably happy about, he doesn’t want it if it means they won’t get along with each other.
He decides to talk to Kibum first about it. Kibum is just as stubborn as Jonghyun, but Jinki knows that not talking to Jonghyun for this long is killing him inside. If there is anything that Jinki has discovered about Kibum in the days they’ve grown closer, it’s that conflict with someone he cares about is something he can’t cope with for long, too ridden with guilt to let pride stand its ground.
“You miss him, don’t you?” Jinki asks him over a bowl of popcorn, just as the girl on the TV screen bursts into tears by her dead grandmother’s bedside.
Kibum’s eyes are watery enough without Jinki’s spontaneous query, and he shifts his position on the couch, turning slowly to look at Jinki with a humorless smile. “Of course I miss him,” he answers. “He’s annoying and he’s an idiot and I don’t understand why he can’t just give up because I’m not going to back down from this, but it’s so weird not talking to him and.” Kibum sniffles and rubs furiously at his eyes, and Jinki awkwardly wraps an arm around him, giving him a comforting pat on the shoulder. “I mean, he knows he can have anybody if he wanted to. Why does he have to do this to me?”
Jinki doesn’t know exactly what Kibum is going on about, but he nods sympathetically anyway. “Don’t say that, Kibum-ah. Jonghyun cares about you more than anybody else.”
Kibum snorts a mirthless laugh. “No, he doesn’t,” he whispers, burying his nose in Jinki’s neck, his arms snaking around Jinki’s waist as he snuggles closer.
“Um,” Jinki stammers, uncomfortably hyperaware of Kibum’s proximity. He swallows hard and tries not to think of inappropriate thoughts when Kibum pulls slightly back and gazes at him, so close that Jinki can count the beads of moisture clinging to his eyelashes. “Kibum…” He forgets what he is supposed to say as Kibum traces a slender finger over his lips, effectively shushing him. Kibum’s eyes are dark with want, and Jinki is scared because he thinks he may be falling a little for Kibum, this Kibum who’s sweet and vulnerable and likes Jinki more than he likes Jonghyun-
More than Jonghyun and that is just wrong-Jinki gently tugs Kibum’s finger away with an effort. “No, Kibum. You have to-you have to patch things up with Jonghyun,” he finds himself saying, half of him regretting it as Kibum’s soft eyes harden to steel.
“That’s not the way it works, hyung,” Kibum says bitterly, the hand in Jinki’s grip clenching into a fist.
“But you love him,” Jinki says, ignoring the sharp tightening in his chest as he utters the words aloud.
Kibum reels back in shock and he stares at Jinki, eyes wide. “What did you say?”
Jinki blinks. “You and Jonghyun…aren’t you-?”
Kibum lets out a bark of a laugh, shaking his head in disbelief. “Hyung,” he sighs. “You’re hopeless, you know that?” And before Jinki could protest and ask him what that meant, Kibum’s fingers are gripping his chin and his mouth is over Jinki’s, pressing soft and urgent. Jinki’s thoughts fly away altogether as his eyes slide shut, his free hand slipping over Kibum’s waist, the other coming to rest on Kibum’s neck. Kibum’s other hand entangles itself in Jinki’s hair, tugging and forcing Jinki even closer and Jinki’s mind is a jumble and he doesn’t know if he’s gasping from the pain or from the way Kibum expertly runs his tongue over the ridge between Jinki’s lips, coaxing his mouth open. He barely registers the sound of the popcorn bowl slipping from his lap, too lost in how Kibum’s mouth tastes like butter and salt-
It’s the sound of the plastic bowl crashing onto the floor that makes his eyes snap open, followed by a sudden movement at the corner of his eye that makes his blood run cold. He pulls away from Kibum too late, the sound of retreating footsteps already reverberating down the hall.
Jinki quickly scoots off the couch, popcorn bits crunching beneath his feet as he scrambles to stand up. “Jonghyun, wait, this isn’t-“
Kibum’s hand latches onto his wrist, holding him back. “Leave him alone, hyung,” he says, his face pale.
Jinki stares down at him, a sick feeling welling up in his stomach, twisting and balling up into a knot. “Let go, Kibum,” he says quietly, and Kibum shakes his head, fingers digging little half-moons into Jinki’s skin.
Jinki grabs Kibum’s wrist and forces his hand out of his grip, turning heel and running after Jonghyun, another layer adding to his guilt as he hears Kibum’s choked sob behind him.
-
Jinki finds Jonghyun in the neighborhood playground, thankfully devoid of people at this time of night. Jonghyun is sitting on one of the swings, glaring at the ground, knuckles white as they cling tightly to the rusty chains. He doesn’t look up when Jinki comes up to him and sits on the swing next to his.
“It wasn’t what it looked like,” Jinki says after a drawn-out silence, and Jonghyun finally looks up, his expression coldly impassive and so far from the cheerful face that Jinki’s used to seeing every day.
Jonghyun doesn’t say anything for a long while. He kicks at the ground and finally says, “Do you like him?” His voice is tight and pained, and he looks Jinki straight in the eye while waiting for a reply.
Jinki flinches from the weight of Jonghyun’s stare. “I don’t know,” he confesses, and he really doesn’t-he knows that it’s not worth being with Kibum if he has to see Jonghyun get this hurt over it.
Jonghyun pushes at the ground with his foot again, his swing seat wobbling slightly from the force. “Do you…do you like him more than you like me?” he asks, almost a whisper, and the lack of confidence in his tone is so unfamiliar it makes Jinki want to kick himself.
Jinki doesn’t quite get where the question is coming from, though. “I like you both,” he answers, and Jonghyun snorts, a bit of his cockiness reviving. “No, really. The two of you are so close, and I…I guess I was jealous. I just wanted a piece of that, you know? I wanted…” He contemplates it, sorts out what he really, truly feels. “I wanted you to like me as much as you liked each other.”
Jonghyun twists his seat around so that he’s facing Jinki, and Jinki mirrors his actions and stares back at him, taking in his raised eyebrows.
“I mean, as a friend. A close friend. Not like, um,” Jinki’s face reddens, and Jonghyun’s eyes light up with dawning comprehension.
“Kibum and I are best friends,” he says slowly, placing one hand on Jinki’s knee. “You know. Just.”
Jinki’s brow furrows in confusion, and Jonghyun smiles slightly, shaking his head.
“Hyung, for a smart guy you can be really dense.”
“Hey,” Jinki protests, and when Jonghyun laughs, real and unforced, Jinki can’t help but grin. This is the Jonghyun he is used to.
“So all this time, you just thought that Kibum and I were using you as a substitute best friend to make the other one jealous?” Jonghyun asks, a hint of a smile still on his lips.
“Weren’t you?” Jinki asks back, surprised. He still doesn’t get it.
Jonghyun sighs, his resemblance to Kibum half an hour ago striking. “No, hyung,” he says patiently, inching his feet forward until their knees bump together.
“I don’t understand,” Jinki says with a frown.
Jonghyun shrugs. “Okay, here. This will help,” he says in a conspiratorial whisper. Jinki unwittingly leans in, only just remembering that there’s no need to lower their voices in a place this deserted, and that’s when Jonghyun kisses him.
He almost slides out of his seat and would have if not for Jonghyun’s firm grip on his thigh. Jonghyun kisses differently from how Kibum does, and not in the way that Jinki would have imagined it-slow and sweet and gentle, like he has all the time in the world to savor it. And Jinki thinks he sort of does, because for Jinki it’s like time has stopped and there’s nothing else that matters but this, just this heady feeling of happiness and contentment and assurance that somehow everything is going to turn out okay. When Jonghyun pulls back, Jinki leans forward, unconsciously asking for more, and Jonghyun smiles lazily and brushes a thumb over Jinki’s lips.
“Better than Kibum, right?” Jonghyun says cheekily, and Jinki’s face flushes crimson. Jonghyun laughs and cups Jinki’s warm cheeks in his hands, leaning into Jinki until their foreheads touch. “I like you, hyung,” he breathes. The blood rushes to Jinki’s cheeks even more, and his heart trips and gets back up and runs faster and faster.
“I like you, too.” The words spill out of Jinki’s mouth, unbidden but wholly meant, and he would give anything to see Jonghyun smiling like this all the time, unguarded and with not a trace of cool pretense, like a child without a care in the world. Jonghyun pulls away again and lets his arms drop to his sides, the smile fading from his lips.
“But you also like Kibum,” he says, matter-of-fact, and the statement pops the swell of happiness in Jinki’s chest like a pin to a bubble. “So who will it be, hyung?”
Jinki stares up at the starless city sky as if it holds all the answers. He thinks of Kibum crying, and the devastated look on Jonghyun’s face when he saw the two of them half an hour ago. He thinks of the past few days, and how good it felt to be cared for, paid undivided attention to, just as he has always thought he wanted. And he thinks of the previous week, of him being the silent observer, of Kibum and Jonghyun looking more carefree than he has ever seen them with anybody else.
“I like you both,” he says again, his smile wistful as he turns to look back at Jonghyun, “but I like you two best when you’re not fighting like this.”
Jonghyun gazes hard and long at him and nods imperceptibly, letting out a short laugh. “Neither, then?” he says, and he rises up from the swing, holding out a hand for Jinki to pull himself up. “I should have expected that, I guess.”
Jinki takes Jonghyun’s hand and says nothing as he stands up. Jonghyun doesn’t pull away even as they start walking back to the dorm.
“Don’t worry, I’ll fix things with Kibum,” Jonghyun tells him, squeezing his hand tightly. “If that’s what you want.”
“You’re not still mad at him, are you?” Jinki says anxiously.
“Oh, I’m furious,” Jonghyun says, looking deadly serious, and Jinki would have believed him if he didn’t crack a smile ten seconds later.
“Jonghyun,” Jinki whines, and Jonghyun sticks his tongue out at him.
“He’s not going to be happy about this,” Jonghyun says. “Hell, I won’t lie and say I am, either. But I think it’s going to turn out okay. That kid can’t live without me, you know. More so than he can without you.”
“I’m sure,” Jinki retorts, although he tries not to feel too disappointed about the truth in that declaration and the prospect of being left out again.
Jonghyun must have noticed his downcast expression, because he tugs on Jinki’s hand and smiles reassuringly at him. “Hey. If you ever get lonely, we can always make out in the closet when Kibum’s not looking,” he offers, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.
Jinki blushes but opts to shoot him a disapproving glare just as they reach their front door.
Jonghyun stifles a laugh and unlocks the door, tiptoeing into the entryway. It’s pitch dark, but there’s light streaming out from underneath the door to Jinki, Kibum and Taemin’s room. “I’ll take care of this,” Jonghyun promises him. “We’ll trade rooms for tonight, and when you wake up tomorrow, it’ll be just like before, trust me.” He pauses. “Only with occasional makeout sessions. Ow,” he hisses, and Jinki guesses he shouldn’t have punched him that hard. “This is why I can’t let you hang out with Kibum.”
“Just make up with him already,” Jinki whispers back.
Jonghyun nods, shooing Jinki away. Then he suddenly grabs Jinki from behind and turns him around, pecking him lightly on the lips. “For luck,” he says with a smirk, snickering as he leaves a stunned Jinki behind him. Jinki shakes his head and heads for Jonghyun and Minho’s room, doing a double take when he opens the lights and sees Taemin in Minho’s bed, snuggled close to Minho with his head tucked under Minho’s chin. Taemin’s eyes scrunch and then flutter open, and he takes a peek at Jinki from beneath the plaid comforter.
Jinki tells himself that he shouldn’t ask, but his mouth opens of its own accord, anyway. “Please don’t tell me you are naked underneath those sheets,” he says.
Taemin blinks, the comforter slipping over his bare shoulder as he lifts the covers slightly and pretends to check. “Okay, I won’t,” he tells Jinki with a saccharine smile. He laughs at the stricken look on Jinki’s face and pulls the sheets off himself, revealing black sweats.
“Oh thank god. That would have been the third major revelation for me today, and I don’t think my heart would be able to cope,” he mutters, flipping the light switch and crawling beneath Jonghyun’s sheets.
Taemin leans on his side, propping his head up on his arm. “Does this mean that Jonghyun-hyung and Kibum-hyung are talking again?”
“I hope so,” Jinki answers with a yawn. “Good night, Taemin-ah.” He hears Taemin rolling over.
“’Night, hyung.”
Then it’s silent again save for Minho’s and Taemin’s quiet breathing, and Jinki pulls the covers over his head and shuts his eyes. And waits.
-
The next day, he wakes up to Kibum and Jonghyun sitting at the foot of his-Jonghyun’s-bed, watching him intently. He jumps and stops himself from kicking out just in time, clutching the blankets to his chest. “Uh…good morning? Stop looking at me like that, it’s creepy.”
“Sorry, hyung,” Jonghyun says with a grin, nudging Kibum, who looks like he is about to throw up last night's dinner. “Kibum has something to say to you.”
“Okay,” Jinki says. He squints at them. “Wait. You did make up, didn’t you?” he adds suspiciously.
“’Course we did,” Jonghyun says with a wounded expression, as if Jinki’s lack of faith in him is uncalled for. “Watch. Manly hug!” He spreads his arms out wide and envelops Kibum in an embrace. Kibum rolls his eyes and reciprocates, patting Jonghyun gingerly on the back while muttering “idiot” under his breath.
Jinki nods and beams at them as they pull away from each other. Everything is back to normal.
There’s silence for a moment, and then Kibum shoves Jonghyun off the bed. “This is the part where you leave, Jjong.”
“How dare you, I’m here for moral support,” Jonghyun says indignantly, scrambling up and leaning his arms on the edge of the bed.
Kibum glares at him. “This is embarrassing enough without you breathing down my neck about it!”
“Um, guys? Kibum was going to tell me something?” Jinki butts into the conversation.
“Yeah, like you would even be here if I didn’t physically drag you into this room,” Jonghyun snorts, Jinki’s words shooting right over his head.
Kibum tosses his hair out of his eyes irritably. “You didn’t physically drag-I had specific plans for this and you totally ruined them; you are such an insufferable-“
“Don’t be such a priss; I told you already, Jinki-hyung doesn’t dig that kind of…”
Jinki sighs and tunes them out, slipping out of bed and heading for the door. He’s halfway there when Kibum and Jonghyun both whirl around with a collective “Where do you think you’re going?”
Jinki clutches at the doorknob. “Breakfast?” he says meekly, and Jonghyun immediately jumps up and drags him back.
“Kibum, just say it and get this over with so we can all eat; I’m starving, too,” Jonghyun says with a much put-upon air.
“Fine,” Kibum snaps, marching up to Jinki and looking him straight in the eye. “Jinki-hyung, I like you.”
Jinki’s face heats up and he stares at Kibum, whose cheeks are as flushed as his probably are. “I, well, um, thanks,” he stammers, looking confusedly at Jonghyun, who pumps a fist in the air.
“Ha, ha, Kibum, I win,” Jonghyun cackles, “That wasn’t even a proper reply!”
“Shut up,” Kibum says in sullen tones, crossing his arms and covering up his disappointment with a haughty scowl.
Jinki is stricken. “No, Kibum, I didn’t mean-Jonghyun, what is this, you said you would fix everything!”
“I did,” Jonghyun sniffs. “Kibum and I talked about it, and we decided that, as friends, it wouldn’t be such a bad idea to share.”
“Share,” Jinki repeats, looking to Kibum for a more sane explanation. Kibum turns away sulkily and Jinki puts a hand on his arm. “Kibummie, don’t be like that, I like you and Jonghyun equally, okay?”
Jonghyun’s smirk disappears, and Kibum looks inordinately pleased. “You heard that, Jonghyun?” Kibum says smugly, and without further ado he tackles Jinki back onto Jonghyun’s bed and plants a hard kiss on his lips. Jinki kisses back instinctively, vaguely aware of Jonghyun screaming “Hey, no fair!” somewhere above them. And then there’s another set of limbs flopping onto the mattress, another pair of hands tugging his face away from Kibum’s, another mouth angling hot and wet over his own. He feels Kibum pressing into his back, wandering hands wrapping around him and forcing their way between him and Jonghyun to run sensuously over his chest.
Someone coughs, rather loudly, and Jinki extricates himself from his two overenthusiastic attackers. “Could you please resume your acts of debauchery in your own room?” Minho requests politely from the doorway, his hands covering Taemin’s eyes.
“Hyung, I’m not a baby, let me see!” Taemin complains.
“This is my room,” Jonghyun says crossly.
“Go away, Minho,” Kibum adds, his hands not stopping their languid trail beneath Jinki’s shirt.
“Help me,” Jinki gasps, flailing and falling silently still when Jonghyun leans over and slips his tongue into his mouth.
Minho sighs and drags Taemin out of the room, slamming the door shut behind them.
It takes a good five minutes before Jinki manages to free himself from Jonghyun’s and Kibum’s questing hands and tongues, and he scrambles to the foot of the bed, hugging his knees protectively to himself. “Breakfast,” he pants, adamantly holding his ground against Jonghyun’s pout and Kibum’s lustful stare. “And then schedule. And then after that…we’ll talk about how this is going to work.”
Kibum and Jonghyun exchange glances, probably reading each other’s minds in that unnerving way again, the mechanics of which Jinki doesn’t think he will ever fully comprehend. “Fine,” they say in unison, identical smirks upon their lips.
Jinki knows they are up to something, but he doesn’t feel like analyzing their devious minds right now. He slides off the bed and exits the room, Jonghyun and Kibum following at his heels.
Minho looks up from his bowl of bibimbap as the three shuffle into the kitchen. “Jonghyun-hyung, I’m kicking you out. You and Taemin can switch, so move all your stuff to Jinki-hyung’s room.”
“Great!” Jonghyun and Taemin exclaim at the same time.
“I want my own room,” Jinki says morosely, rubbing at a hickey on his neck.
Kibum frowns suspiciously at Minho. “Taemin-ah, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Leave it, Kibum, we’ve discussed this, okay, and don’t think you can keep Jinki-hyung to yourself every night,” Jonghyun says.
“God, Jjong. Get your mind out of the gutter; can’t you see the predatory gleam in Minho’s eyes?”
“Oh yeah, your mind is totally on the sidewalk-of course Minho’s going to be thinking lewd thoughts now that you’ve said that-“
“I missed this,” Taemin says happily, beaming at everyone.
Jinki smiles. “So did I,” he murmurs, for once contented with just watching Jonghyun and Kibum unrestrainedly bickering as Minho’s face cycles through various degrees of annoyance.
He revels in the normality of the situation, everything as it has been except for the way Kibum smiles more fondly at him and how Jonghyun subconsciously interlocks their fingers together under the table as he doubles over laughing at one of Taemin’s better-executed jokes. He has no idea if this three-way relationship is going to turn out fine, but he doesn’t feel like there are walls between him and Jonghyun and Kibum now, and really, that is all he ever wanted and more.
And if this is how he can keep all this intact, he doesn’t want it any other way.
can someone give me an onhyunkey icon :(
~6370 words
jongyu, onkey, jongkey | (onhyunkey)
romance angst fluff and all that shebang, PG
summary: jonghyun and kibum knew there would come a day when they would regret leaving jinki out of things.
notes: happy birthday, hyungdeul! see, i didn't leave, okay; not supposed to be writing but shot my acads in the foot for you because i love you forever and always! ♥ /slowly crawls back to life of pure geekery OTL cough. celebratory drinking session y/y? :D
Jinki watches as Jonghyun and Kibum huddle close together for the fifth time in the past hour alone, whispering conspiratorially about something. Kibum throws his head back and laughs, and Jonghyun smirks like one does when imparting a dirty little secret meant only for two pairs of ears. Jinki quashes down the urge to walk over to them and attempt to drop in on the conversation, too familiar with the futility of that notion to act on it accordingly.
It’s not that big a deal to him, not really. It’s just that he wishes that they would confide in him more, seeing as he is their leader and all. After more than three years of living together, he can’t understand why they still shut him out sometimes, suddenly falling into uncomfortable silence when he bounds up to them after they’ve started keeling over from laughter.
He likes to think they don’t do it on purpose. Or that they didn’t happen to be talking about him in particular during his untimely interruptions. It doesn’t help that Kibum always averts his eyes and looks elsewhere, adopting a bored expression that erases all traces of mirth on his face, or that Jonghyun grins at Jinki and starts talking extremely fast about a topic that is quite obviously not related to the one he and Kibum had been discussing just moments before.
Okay, so maybe it does bother him. Just a tiny bit. He doesn’t know why, exactly - over the years he has come to accept that Jonghyun and Kibum are best friends and that he can’t be as in tune with their thoughts as they are with each other’s no matter how hard he tries, but is it so bad to want to be a part of that too-familiar camaraderie? On their own, the two of them get along with Jinki well enough, but as soon as they’re together it’s like there’s this wall that he’s not allowed to cross. And it gets lonely, being on the other side of that wall.
Jinki has his suspicions - it’s built up from hours of watching from the sidelines, witnessing the seemingly telepathic exchange of looks, the unconscious brushing of fingers to shoulder and hip and hair and face. And he thinks that maybe he’s better off accepting that that is the way things are, and that there’s nothing he can do about it.
-
It’s Jonghyun who notices it first, the way Jinki has taken to sitting quietly in a corner, occupying himself with a book or a script or simply his own thoughts, tuning out his surroundings until one of the members finally walks up to him and engages him in conversation.
“Hey, hyung,” Jonghyun says, sitting next to him on the couch.
Jinki looks up and notices the bothered look on Jonghyun’s face. “Is something wrong?” he asks automatically, putting aside the script he’d been perusing and settling a concerned gaze on Jonghyun. He reflexively checks the vicinity for Kibum before remembering that Kibum left the dorm early in the morning for a separate schedule.
Jonghyun blinks confusedly at him. “No, there’s nothing-you’re not mad at me, are you?” he blurts out.
It’s Jinki’s turn to look confused. “Why would I be?”
Jonghyun stares at him, mouth slowly forming into a smile. “I just thought…never mind. Listen, can we eat out today? Taemin’s complaining that he hasn’t been eating enough meat lately.”
Jinki cocks his head to the side. “But Taemin’s got dance lessons until two. He and Minho will probably have eaten lunch by then.”
“So just the two of us can go, and we’ll grab something for them to go,” Jonghyun says, unfazed.
“Well…okay,” Jinki concedes. “Wait, don’t you want to wait for Kibum? He should be home in a few minutes.”
Jonghyun tugs at Jinki’s wrist impatiently. “I called him already; there was some sort of delay earlier on and he says he’s having lunch on-site. Come on, hyung, please? I’m really hungry!” He gives Jinki his best I’m-your-cute-dongsaeng-and-you-know-it-so-just-do-what-I-say look, and really, how can Jinki say no to that?
-
Taemin’s the one who unlocks the front door when they get back, sharp eyes already trained on the plastic bag in Jinki’s hand. “That’s for me, right?” He beams, swiping the plastic bag from Jinki’s fingers and skipping off to the dining room.
“You’re welcome, Taeminnie,” Jonghyun calls out sarcastically, and Taemin’s muffled “You two are the best!” is heard down the hallway.
Jinki laughs, feeling utterly contented. He has exceeded his required protein intake for the day, and he and Jonghyun had even taken the extra effort to defy their nutritionist-prescribed diet and ordered a gigantic banana split to share-he hadn’t realized how much time had flown by, having missed just hanging out and talking casually with Jonghyun about basically anything.
His laughter soon dies out when he and Jonghyun walk into the living room, their eyes falling on Kibum, who looks up from his phone with a slight frown on his face. “Where were you?” he asks with a hint of accusation, and Jinki swallows hard, feeling like he has been caught doing something wrong as Jonghyun quickly removes his arm from around Jinki’s shoulders and rushes to Kibum’s side, holding his hands up in a placating gesture.
“You told me you couldn’t get home in time for lunch, didn’t you?” Jonghyun says, but Kibum’s piercing stare is directed at Jinki, his face unreadable.
“Um. We brought you guys samgyupsal,” Jinki offers feebly, and he suddenly thinks that now would be a good time to retreat to his room. He isn’t quite sure what to make of Jonghyun’s fingers curling over Kibum’s shoulder as he promises him that they can stuff their faces together next time, or of Kibum turning to Jonghyun, expression softening after listening to Jonghyun’s enthusiastic explanation. Jinki tries to blend into the background as he shuffles away.
“Jinki-hyung! Thanks,” Kibum calls out just when Jinki is about to enter their shared bedroom. There’s something odd about the way Kibum smiles at him, but he doesn’t seem as irritated as Jinki initially thought so he takes it as a good sign.
Jinki smiles apprehensively back.
“Anytime,” he says, averting his eyes when Jonghyun interlaces his fingers with Kibum’s, waving his free hand around animatedly as he rambles on.
-
“What’s this?” Jinki asks blankly, staring down at the shopping bag that Kibum has just shoved into his arms like it is some sort of alien artifact.
Kibum rolls his eyes and sighs. “Just some t-shirts. I went shopping today.” He gestures at the heaps of other shopping bags strewn haphazardly over his own bed and glances back at Jinki as if this should have been painfully obvious.
“Yeah, I noticed. Did you have fun?” Jinki extends his arm and makes to hand the shopping bag back to Kibum, and Kibum glares at him. “…what?”
“It’s for you, hyung,” Kibum says exasperatedly.
“Oh,” Jinki says, baffled. He retracts his outstretched hand and stares at Kibum’s present, racking his brains as to the reason behind Kibum’s spontaneous generosity. “What’s the occasion?”
Kibum glances away. “Nothing, I just thought of you when I saw those, okay?”
Jinki opens his mouth to ask another question, but thinks better of it when Kibum turns back to him with a face that says he should just shut up and accept it. He figures that he ought to just go along with whatever good mood Kibum happens to be in at the moment. “Did you get Jonghyun something, too?”
Kibum frowns. “No,” he says simply, and he must have registered the look of surprise on Jinki’s face, because he adds, “I’m always buying stuff for him. He’s not going to flip if I don’t give him something for once.”
“I guess not,” Jinki acquiesces, taking the liberty to examine the shirts and admiring Kibum’s sense of style. He beams at Kibum. “Thanks, Kibum-ah! These are really nice.”
“No problem,” Kibum mutters, ducking his head in uncharacteristic embarrassment, and Jinki smiles fondly at how cute he looks.
And he did not just think that. Jinki shakes his head to clear it of weird thoughts. “I’m going to put these in the wash,” he says. He can feel Kibum’s eyes boring into the back of his neck as he leaves their room.
-
The van drops Jinki off in front of the company building after his musical rehearsals, and he rushes through the front doors, already late for group dance practice. He slows down his pace when he sees Jonghyun standing in front of the vending machine in the lobby, drinking from a soda can in a subconscious pose that is not unlike one that a CF model adopts while advertising a particular brand of cola. It’s a skill that Jinki has yet to master.
“Hey,” he says as he approaches. Jonghyun drains the can’s contents with a final tilt and then tosses it into the trash bin next to the vending machine, swiping a finger over his bottom lip. Jinki stares, half-envious and half-admiring at the way Jonghyun pulls off looking so cool with so little effort.
Jonghyun grins broadly at him, snapping Jinki out of his reverie. “Hey yourself. Back from Rock of Ages rehearsals?”
“Yeah,” Jinki replies. He falls into step beside Jonghyun as they walk to their designated practice room.
“Nice shirt,” Jonghyun says out of the blue, nodding in approval at Jinki’s outfit. Jinki smiles at the compliment.
“Thanks! Kibum gave it to me,” Jinki says without thinking. He doesn’t miss how Jonghyun’s smile quickly disappears, and there’s that feeling again, like he just did something horribly wrong and the worst part is that he doesn’t know exactly what.
He doesn’t like the way Jonghyun’s eyes narrow, and for a moment he has this irrational fear that Jonghyun is going to start yelling at him. But Jonghyun only asks, “Did he say why?”
Jinki shakes his head. He seems to have hit a nerve and he doesn’t want to worsen the sudden tension. “Um. You and Kibum. You’re not…fighting or anything, are you?”
“Of course not,” Jonghyun replies shortly, but Jinki doubts the complete honesty in that when they stroll into the practice room and Jonghyun pulls Kibum aside, talking low and fast, obviously upset about something. Kibum is scowling and talking back with a defiant look on his face, and when their manager sticks his head into the room and berates them for slacking off, the two hurry to their positions, both looking mutinous.
“What’s up with Jonghyun-hyung and Kibum?” Minho asks Jinki in hushed tones.
“I don’t know,” Jinki says, feeling miserable and accountable for what had just transpired.
Jonghyun and Kibum pointedly refuse to look at or even talk to each other for the rest of the practice. Minho regards them with a wary air and a raised eyebrow, wisely opting to stay out of it, while Taemin keeps glancing anxiously from one to the other, biting his lip as if to stop himself from asking unwanted questions. Jinki approaches Jonghyun at the end of the practice, but Jonghyun shrugs him off and says it’s nothing.
“No, it’s not,” Jinki says, grabbing Jonghyun’s wrist, intent on getting to the bottom of this. “Is this about what we were talking about before practice? Because I swear, Kibum was probably just on retail therapy when he bought me stuff-”
“Hyung, I’m not upset about that, okay? Do you think I’m that petty?” Jonghyun asks, clearly offended at how Jinki could presume that he could be that shallow.
“No, I didn’t mean it like-well, why are you mad at each other?” Jinki says helplessly.
Jonghyun sighs. “We’re not fighting, hyung,” he assures him. “Right, Kibum?” he calls out to the boy in question.
Kibum glances over at them, eyes darting to Jinki’s hand on Jonghyun’s wrist, and Jinki promptly lets go. “We’re really not, hyung,” Kibum says flatly before slinging his gym bag over his shoulder and making a beeline for Taemin.
“See?” Jonghyun tells him. Jinki wants to point out how thoroughly unconvincing the two of them are, and maybe give Jonghyun a lecture on how their little lovers’ tiff is going to bring down team morale, but he doesn’t have the heart to do it because Jonghyun suddenly looks so tired.
“We will talk about this tomorrow,” Jinki says firmly, crossing his arms.
Jonghyun rubs his temple wearily. “Hyung,” he whines. “Look, I’ll talk to Kibum later; we just had a…minor disagreement. Really. So don’t worry your pretty little head about it, okay?” He pats Jinki on the shoulder and turns to leave.
Jinki really doesn’t like where this is going.
-
Technically he hasn’t actively done anything to incur either Jonghyun’s or Kibum’s wrath, but he can’t help the niggling feeling that he is still somehow at fault. Being in the same room with the two of them is starting to become a highly uncomfortable experience, the silence so suffocating that Jinki is half-considering the merits of begging them to just make up with each other. He still can’t deduce what exactly caused them to give each other the cold shoulder, and both stubbornly refuse to tell him whenever he tries to ask.
Strangely enough, they have both acquired the habit of talking to him more often, despite his fears that they are just putting up a front and are secretly harboring feelings of resentment towards him. It doesn’t seem to be the case, if their sincerity is anything to go by. Kibum is being extra-nice to him these days, cooking him all those dishes that he learned how to whip up in his last regular variety show stint, sweetly asking Jinki if he needs a cup of tea or a tub of hot water or a back massage whenever he comes home exhausted from his schedules. Jonghyun, who has always been more comfortable with Jinki than Kibum ever was, has recently been dragging Jinki into skipping dance practice with him for a few hours of walking incognito down the busy streets of Seoul, ordering iced coffees in jam-packed cafés, playing with little kids in the nearby park and running for their lives when the kids’ young mothers squeal in delighted surprise upon recognizing them.
He has never had more fun with either of them before-a part of him likes this arrangement way too much to want to let it go, but having all three of them in one room always forces him back into reality. Countless times he’s stumbled through the dorm’s front door, his arm slung companionably over Jonghyun’s shoulder, only for them to walk into Kibum in the kitchen, Kibum shooting Jonghyun a death glare as he storms out and abandons the painstaking dinner he has prepared. Jonghyun’s eyes would rove over the table, obviously set only for two, and announce that he feels like eating pizza and would Jinki feel up to stepping back out and devouring an entire box with him? Conversely, Jonghyun’s good mood would turn blatantly foul whenever he leaves his room and sees Kibum and Jinki huddled on the couch watching a horror movie together, Kibum clinging all the more tightly to Jinki’s arm upon seeing Jonghyun’s mouth twisted in a scowl and ignoring Jinki’s feeble suggestions to let Jonghyun join them.
At one point he starts wondering if it is all just an elaborate scheme for them to one-up each other, trying to make each other jealous by using him as the convenient third party. If this is true, Jinki doesn’t appreciate it one bit. While he likes the idea of them hanging out with him, treating him more like a close friend than just their silly, unimpressionable hyung, he realizes that he never wanted it like this, having to trade it for their mutual aversion to each other.
He liked them better when they were attached at the hip, bringing out the best and tearing down the worst in the other. Kibum doesn’t come off as cold and unapproachable with Jonghyun constantly saying dry witticisms that make him burst out laughing, and god knows Jonghyun would be overbearingly arrogant if Kibum weren’t around to remind him, unfailingly blunt, of all of his own flaws. Jinki likes how Kibum is so much more agreeable when Jonghyun is there to loosen him up, how Jonghyun is so loud and upbeat when Kibum is beside him, the two of them talking over the many mutual interests that they are so passionate about. He loves how hyperactive they are when they’re together, infecting the other members with their boundless energy even after their most draining schedules.
Sometimes he catches the frustrated expression on their faces when they think he’s already looking the other way. It’s uncanny how they both ask him the same things: “Hyung, we’re good like this, right?” “You have more fun when you’re with me, don’t you?” “Are you happy, hyung?” And he can’t say no outright because then he’d be lying-except for the second question, which he dodges whenever asked, unable to give a straight answer because he doesn’t know himself. He cares about them, Jonghyun and Kibum both, and while being their new best friend is something he’s immeasurably happy about, he doesn’t want it if it means they won’t get along with each other.
He decides to talk to Kibum first about it. Kibum is just as stubborn as Jonghyun, but Jinki knows that not talking to Jonghyun for this long is killing him inside. If there is anything that Jinki has discovered about Kibum in the days they’ve grown closer, it’s that conflict with someone he cares about is something he can’t cope with for long, too ridden with guilt to let pride stand its ground.
“You miss him, don’t you?” Jinki asks him over a bowl of popcorn, just as the girl on the TV screen bursts into tears by her dead grandmother’s bedside.
Kibum’s eyes are watery enough without Jinki’s spontaneous query, and he shifts his position on the couch, turning slowly to look at Jinki with a humorless smile. “Of course I miss him,” he answers. “He’s annoying and he’s an idiot and I don’t understand why he can’t just give up because I’m not going to back down from this, but it’s so weird not talking to him and.” Kibum sniffles and rubs furiously at his eyes, and Jinki awkwardly wraps an arm around him, giving him a comforting pat on the shoulder. “I mean, he knows he can have anybody if he wanted to. Why does he have to do this to me?”
Jinki doesn’t know exactly what Kibum is going on about, but he nods sympathetically anyway. “Don’t say that, Kibum-ah. Jonghyun cares about you more than anybody else.”
Kibum snorts a mirthless laugh. “No, he doesn’t,” he whispers, burying his nose in Jinki’s neck, his arms snaking around Jinki’s waist as he snuggles closer.
“Um,” Jinki stammers, uncomfortably hyperaware of Kibum’s proximity. He swallows hard and tries not to think of inappropriate thoughts when Kibum pulls slightly back and gazes at him, so close that Jinki can count the beads of moisture clinging to his eyelashes. “Kibum…” He forgets what he is supposed to say as Kibum traces a slender finger over his lips, effectively shushing him. Kibum’s eyes are dark with want, and Jinki is scared because he thinks he may be falling a little for Kibum, this Kibum who’s sweet and vulnerable and likes Jinki more than he likes Jonghyun-
More than Jonghyun and that is just wrong-Jinki gently tugs Kibum’s finger away with an effort. “No, Kibum. You have to-you have to patch things up with Jonghyun,” he finds himself saying, half of him regretting it as Kibum’s soft eyes harden to steel.
“That’s not the way it works, hyung,” Kibum says bitterly, the hand in Jinki’s grip clenching into a fist.
“But you love him,” Jinki says, ignoring the sharp tightening in his chest as he utters the words aloud.
Kibum reels back in shock and he stares at Jinki, eyes wide. “What did you say?”
Jinki blinks. “You and Jonghyun…aren’t you-?”
Kibum lets out a bark of a laugh, shaking his head in disbelief. “Hyung,” he sighs. “You’re hopeless, you know that?” And before Jinki could protest and ask him what that meant, Kibum’s fingers are gripping his chin and his mouth is over Jinki’s, pressing soft and urgent. Jinki’s thoughts fly away altogether as his eyes slide shut, his free hand slipping over Kibum’s waist, the other coming to rest on Kibum’s neck. Kibum’s other hand entangles itself in Jinki’s hair, tugging and forcing Jinki even closer and Jinki’s mind is a jumble and he doesn’t know if he’s gasping from the pain or from the way Kibum expertly runs his tongue over the ridge between Jinki’s lips, coaxing his mouth open. He barely registers the sound of the popcorn bowl slipping from his lap, too lost in how Kibum’s mouth tastes like butter and salt-
It’s the sound of the plastic bowl crashing onto the floor that makes his eyes snap open, followed by a sudden movement at the corner of his eye that makes his blood run cold. He pulls away from Kibum too late, the sound of retreating footsteps already reverberating down the hall.
Jinki quickly scoots off the couch, popcorn bits crunching beneath his feet as he scrambles to stand up. “Jonghyun, wait, this isn’t-“
Kibum’s hand latches onto his wrist, holding him back. “Leave him alone, hyung,” he says, his face pale.
Jinki stares down at him, a sick feeling welling up in his stomach, twisting and balling up into a knot. “Let go, Kibum,” he says quietly, and Kibum shakes his head, fingers digging little half-moons into Jinki’s skin.
Jinki grabs Kibum’s wrist and forces his hand out of his grip, turning heel and running after Jonghyun, another layer adding to his guilt as he hears Kibum’s choked sob behind him.
-
Jinki finds Jonghyun in the neighborhood playground, thankfully devoid of people at this time of night. Jonghyun is sitting on one of the swings, glaring at the ground, knuckles white as they cling tightly to the rusty chains. He doesn’t look up when Jinki comes up to him and sits on the swing next to his.
“It wasn’t what it looked like,” Jinki says after a drawn-out silence, and Jonghyun finally looks up, his expression coldly impassive and so far from the cheerful face that Jinki’s used to seeing every day.
Jonghyun doesn’t say anything for a long while. He kicks at the ground and finally says, “Do you like him?” His voice is tight and pained, and he looks Jinki straight in the eye while waiting for a reply.
Jinki flinches from the weight of Jonghyun’s stare. “I don’t know,” he confesses, and he really doesn’t-he knows that it’s not worth being with Kibum if he has to see Jonghyun get this hurt over it.
Jonghyun pushes at the ground with his foot again, his swing seat wobbling slightly from the force. “Do you…do you like him more than you like me?” he asks, almost a whisper, and the lack of confidence in his tone is so unfamiliar it makes Jinki want to kick himself.
Jinki doesn’t quite get where the question is coming from, though. “I like you both,” he answers, and Jonghyun snorts, a bit of his cockiness reviving. “No, really. The two of you are so close, and I…I guess I was jealous. I just wanted a piece of that, you know? I wanted…” He contemplates it, sorts out what he really, truly feels. “I wanted you to like me as much as you liked each other.”
Jonghyun twists his seat around so that he’s facing Jinki, and Jinki mirrors his actions and stares back at him, taking in his raised eyebrows.
“I mean, as a friend. A close friend. Not like, um,” Jinki’s face reddens, and Jonghyun’s eyes light up with dawning comprehension.
“Kibum and I are best friends,” he says slowly, placing one hand on Jinki’s knee. “You know. Just.”
Jinki’s brow furrows in confusion, and Jonghyun smiles slightly, shaking his head.
“Hyung, for a smart guy you can be really dense.”
“Hey,” Jinki protests, and when Jonghyun laughs, real and unforced, Jinki can’t help but grin. This is the Jonghyun he is used to.
“So all this time, you just thought that Kibum and I were using you as a substitute best friend to make the other one jealous?” Jonghyun asks, a hint of a smile still on his lips.
“Weren’t you?” Jinki asks back, surprised. He still doesn’t get it.
Jonghyun sighs, his resemblance to Kibum half an hour ago striking. “No, hyung,” he says patiently, inching his feet forward until their knees bump together.
“I don’t understand,” Jinki says with a frown.
Jonghyun shrugs. “Okay, here. This will help,” he says in a conspiratorial whisper. Jinki unwittingly leans in, only just remembering that there’s no need to lower their voices in a place this deserted, and that’s when Jonghyun kisses him.
He almost slides out of his seat and would have if not for Jonghyun’s firm grip on his thigh. Jonghyun kisses differently from how Kibum does, and not in the way that Jinki would have imagined it-slow and sweet and gentle, like he has all the time in the world to savor it. And Jinki thinks he sort of does, because for Jinki it’s like time has stopped and there’s nothing else that matters but this, just this heady feeling of happiness and contentment and assurance that somehow everything is going to turn out okay. When Jonghyun pulls back, Jinki leans forward, unconsciously asking for more, and Jonghyun smiles lazily and brushes a thumb over Jinki’s lips.
“Better than Kibum, right?” Jonghyun says cheekily, and Jinki’s face flushes crimson. Jonghyun laughs and cups Jinki’s warm cheeks in his hands, leaning into Jinki until their foreheads touch. “I like you, hyung,” he breathes. The blood rushes to Jinki’s cheeks even more, and his heart trips and gets back up and runs faster and faster.
“I like you, too.” The words spill out of Jinki’s mouth, unbidden but wholly meant, and he would give anything to see Jonghyun smiling like this all the time, unguarded and with not a trace of cool pretense, like a child without a care in the world. Jonghyun pulls away again and lets his arms drop to his sides, the smile fading from his lips.
“But you also like Kibum,” he says, matter-of-fact, and the statement pops the swell of happiness in Jinki’s chest like a pin to a bubble. “So who will it be, hyung?”
Jinki stares up at the starless city sky as if it holds all the answers. He thinks of Kibum crying, and the devastated look on Jonghyun’s face when he saw the two of them half an hour ago. He thinks of the past few days, and how good it felt to be cared for, paid undivided attention to, just as he has always thought he wanted. And he thinks of the previous week, of him being the silent observer, of Kibum and Jonghyun looking more carefree than he has ever seen them with anybody else.
“I like you both,” he says again, his smile wistful as he turns to look back at Jonghyun, “but I like you two best when you’re not fighting like this.”
Jonghyun gazes hard and long at him and nods imperceptibly, letting out a short laugh. “Neither, then?” he says, and he rises up from the swing, holding out a hand for Jinki to pull himself up. “I should have expected that, I guess.”
Jinki takes Jonghyun’s hand and says nothing as he stands up. Jonghyun doesn’t pull away even as they start walking back to the dorm.
“Don’t worry, I’ll fix things with Kibum,” Jonghyun tells him, squeezing his hand tightly. “If that’s what you want.”
“You’re not still mad at him, are you?” Jinki says anxiously.
“Oh, I’m furious,” Jonghyun says, looking deadly serious, and Jinki would have believed him if he didn’t crack a smile ten seconds later.
“Jonghyun,” Jinki whines, and Jonghyun sticks his tongue out at him.
“He’s not going to be happy about this,” Jonghyun says. “Hell, I won’t lie and say I am, either. But I think it’s going to turn out okay. That kid can’t live without me, you know. More so than he can without you.”
“I’m sure,” Jinki retorts, although he tries not to feel too disappointed about the truth in that declaration and the prospect of being left out again.
Jonghyun must have noticed his downcast expression, because he tugs on Jinki’s hand and smiles reassuringly at him. “Hey. If you ever get lonely, we can always make out in the closet when Kibum’s not looking,” he offers, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.
Jinki blushes but opts to shoot him a disapproving glare just as they reach their front door.
Jonghyun stifles a laugh and unlocks the door, tiptoeing into the entryway. It’s pitch dark, but there’s light streaming out from underneath the door to Jinki, Kibum and Taemin’s room. “I’ll take care of this,” Jonghyun promises him. “We’ll trade rooms for tonight, and when you wake up tomorrow, it’ll be just like before, trust me.” He pauses. “Only with occasional makeout sessions. Ow,” he hisses, and Jinki guesses he shouldn’t have punched him that hard. “This is why I can’t let you hang out with Kibum.”
“Just make up with him already,” Jinki whispers back.
Jonghyun nods, shooing Jinki away. Then he suddenly grabs Jinki from behind and turns him around, pecking him lightly on the lips. “For luck,” he says with a smirk, snickering as he leaves a stunned Jinki behind him. Jinki shakes his head and heads for Jonghyun and Minho’s room, doing a double take when he opens the lights and sees Taemin in Minho’s bed, snuggled close to Minho with his head tucked under Minho’s chin. Taemin’s eyes scrunch and then flutter open, and he takes a peek at Jinki from beneath the plaid comforter.
Jinki tells himself that he shouldn’t ask, but his mouth opens of its own accord, anyway. “Please don’t tell me you are naked underneath those sheets,” he says.
Taemin blinks, the comforter slipping over his bare shoulder as he lifts the covers slightly and pretends to check. “Okay, I won’t,” he tells Jinki with a saccharine smile. He laughs at the stricken look on Jinki’s face and pulls the sheets off himself, revealing black sweats.
“Oh thank god. That would have been the third major revelation for me today, and I don’t think my heart would be able to cope,” he mutters, flipping the light switch and crawling beneath Jonghyun’s sheets.
Taemin leans on his side, propping his head up on his arm. “Does this mean that Jonghyun-hyung and Kibum-hyung are talking again?”
“I hope so,” Jinki answers with a yawn. “Good night, Taemin-ah.” He hears Taemin rolling over.
“’Night, hyung.”
Then it’s silent again save for Minho’s and Taemin’s quiet breathing, and Jinki pulls the covers over his head and shuts his eyes. And waits.
-
The next day, he wakes up to Kibum and Jonghyun sitting at the foot of his-Jonghyun’s-bed, watching him intently. He jumps and stops himself from kicking out just in time, clutching the blankets to his chest. “Uh…good morning? Stop looking at me like that, it’s creepy.”
“Sorry, hyung,” Jonghyun says with a grin, nudging Kibum, who looks like he is about to throw up last night's dinner. “Kibum has something to say to you.”
“Okay,” Jinki says. He squints at them. “Wait. You did make up, didn’t you?” he adds suspiciously.
“’Course we did,” Jonghyun says with a wounded expression, as if Jinki’s lack of faith in him is uncalled for. “Watch. Manly hug!” He spreads his arms out wide and envelops Kibum in an embrace. Kibum rolls his eyes and reciprocates, patting Jonghyun gingerly on the back while muttering “idiot” under his breath.
Jinki nods and beams at them as they pull away from each other. Everything is back to normal.
There’s silence for a moment, and then Kibum shoves Jonghyun off the bed. “This is the part where you leave, Jjong.”
“How dare you, I’m here for moral support,” Jonghyun says indignantly, scrambling up and leaning his arms on the edge of the bed.
Kibum glares at him. “This is embarrassing enough without you breathing down my neck about it!”
“Um, guys? Kibum was going to tell me something?” Jinki butts into the conversation.
“Yeah, like you would even be here if I didn’t physically drag you into this room,” Jonghyun snorts, Jinki’s words shooting right over his head.
Kibum tosses his hair out of his eyes irritably. “You didn’t physically drag-I had specific plans for this and you totally ruined them; you are such an insufferable-“
“Don’t be such a priss; I told you already, Jinki-hyung doesn’t dig that kind of…”
Jinki sighs and tunes them out, slipping out of bed and heading for the door. He’s halfway there when Kibum and Jonghyun both whirl around with a collective “Where do you think you’re going?”
Jinki clutches at the doorknob. “Breakfast?” he says meekly, and Jonghyun immediately jumps up and drags him back.
“Kibum, just say it and get this over with so we can all eat; I’m starving, too,” Jonghyun says with a much put-upon air.
“Fine,” Kibum snaps, marching up to Jinki and looking him straight in the eye. “Jinki-hyung, I like you.”
Jinki’s face heats up and he stares at Kibum, whose cheeks are as flushed as his probably are. “I, well, um, thanks,” he stammers, looking confusedly at Jonghyun, who pumps a fist in the air.
“Ha, ha, Kibum, I win,” Jonghyun cackles, “That wasn’t even a proper reply!”
“Shut up,” Kibum says in sullen tones, crossing his arms and covering up his disappointment with a haughty scowl.
Jinki is stricken. “No, Kibum, I didn’t mean-Jonghyun, what is this, you said you would fix everything!”
“I did,” Jonghyun sniffs. “Kibum and I talked about it, and we decided that, as friends, it wouldn’t be such a bad idea to share.”
“Share,” Jinki repeats, looking to Kibum for a more sane explanation. Kibum turns away sulkily and Jinki puts a hand on his arm. “Kibummie, don’t be like that, I like you and Jonghyun equally, okay?”
Jonghyun’s smirk disappears, and Kibum looks inordinately pleased. “You heard that, Jonghyun?” Kibum says smugly, and without further ado he tackles Jinki back onto Jonghyun’s bed and plants a hard kiss on his lips. Jinki kisses back instinctively, vaguely aware of Jonghyun screaming “Hey, no fair!” somewhere above them. And then there’s another set of limbs flopping onto the mattress, another pair of hands tugging his face away from Kibum’s, another mouth angling hot and wet over his own. He feels Kibum pressing into his back, wandering hands wrapping around him and forcing their way between him and Jonghyun to run sensuously over his chest.
Someone coughs, rather loudly, and Jinki extricates himself from his two overenthusiastic attackers. “Could you please resume your acts of debauchery in your own room?” Minho requests politely from the doorway, his hands covering Taemin’s eyes.
“Hyung, I’m not a baby, let me see!” Taemin complains.
“This is my room,” Jonghyun says crossly.
“Go away, Minho,” Kibum adds, his hands not stopping their languid trail beneath Jinki’s shirt.
“Help me,” Jinki gasps, flailing and falling silently still when Jonghyun leans over and slips his tongue into his mouth.
Minho sighs and drags Taemin out of the room, slamming the door shut behind them.
It takes a good five minutes before Jinki manages to free himself from Jonghyun’s and Kibum’s questing hands and tongues, and he scrambles to the foot of the bed, hugging his knees protectively to himself. “Breakfast,” he pants, adamantly holding his ground against Jonghyun’s pout and Kibum’s lustful stare. “And then schedule. And then after that…we’ll talk about how this is going to work.”
Kibum and Jonghyun exchange glances, probably reading each other’s minds in that unnerving way again, the mechanics of which Jinki doesn’t think he will ever fully comprehend. “Fine,” they say in unison, identical smirks upon their lips.
Jinki knows they are up to something, but he doesn’t feel like analyzing their devious minds right now. He slides off the bed and exits the room, Jonghyun and Kibum following at his heels.
Minho looks up from his bowl of bibimbap as the three shuffle into the kitchen. “Jonghyun-hyung, I’m kicking you out. You and Taemin can switch, so move all your stuff to Jinki-hyung’s room.”
“Great!” Jonghyun and Taemin exclaim at the same time.
“I want my own room,” Jinki says morosely, rubbing at a hickey on his neck.
Kibum frowns suspiciously at Minho. “Taemin-ah, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Leave it, Kibum, we’ve discussed this, okay, and don’t think you can keep Jinki-hyung to yourself every night,” Jonghyun says.
“God, Jjong. Get your mind out of the gutter; can’t you see the predatory gleam in Minho’s eyes?”
“Oh yeah, your mind is totally on the sidewalk-of course Minho’s going to be thinking lewd thoughts now that you’ve said that-“
“I missed this,” Taemin says happily, beaming at everyone.
Jinki smiles. “So did I,” he murmurs, for once contented with just watching Jonghyun and Kibum unrestrainedly bickering as Minho’s face cycles through various degrees of annoyance.
He revels in the normality of the situation, everything as it has been except for the way Kibum smiles more fondly at him and how Jonghyun subconsciously interlocks their fingers together under the table as he doubles over laughing at one of Taemin’s better-executed jokes. He has no idea if this three-way relationship is going to turn out fine, but he doesn’t feel like there are walls between him and Jonghyun and Kibum now, and really, that is all he ever wanted and more.
And if this is how he can keep all this intact, he doesn’t want it any other way.
can someone give me an onhyunkey icon :(