[jongyu] easier said than done
easier said than done
~2800 words
Jonghyun/Onew, R, failcrack
summary: Jonghyun’s plan is perfect. His execution, not so much.
warning: uh. almost non-con, but not really? this is so retarded, idek.
a/n: this fic is based entirely off of dubulust’s dream, which he described to me in vivid detail. basically i am just translating it into fic form with some minor embellishments, lol. god knows my own subconscious can’t come up with something like this :\ am still lamenting the unfairness of life.
Jonghyun shifts impatiently in his seat as he watches Jinki downing his fifth mug of beer that night. He wants nothing more than to leave this club, with its dizzying strobe lights and its ear-deafening music and its slew of grabby, intoxicated, scantily-clad patrons whose only purpose in life seems to be to spill alcohol on other people's laps and cop a feel while the poor victim is busy sputtering in outrage. He fingers the waist of his half-wet jeans with mild annoyance, still disgruntled that Jinki hadn't immediately come to his rescue when that cheap girl was rubbing herself all over him.
"Chill out and drink some more, Jonghyun-ah!" Jinki tells him with a bright smile, and Jonghyun can't believe he is just sitting there, encouraging Jonghyun to drink alcohol and possibly cause a scandal if they get found out and not acting like the leader he is supposed to be. Sure, he had been the one to coerce Jinki into going out for a drink, but he has ulterior motives to pursue and Jinki is totally not helping him achieve them, what with this unexpected ability to hold his liquor and look completely at home in this den of indecency and inebriation.
Jonghyun hadn't really expected Jinki to act this way. Jinki is supposed to be three sheets to the wind and gibbering at Jonghyun to take him home by the time he finishes his third beer, whereupon Jonghyun will whisk him off to the nearest motel and have hot, drunk sex with him.
It had seemed like a brilliant idea when Jonghyun first came up with the plan. Also easy.
How utterly wrong he was.
“What’s wrong? If beer doesn’t sit well with you, we can get you something else,” Jinki suggests, his perfectly lucid eyes crinkling in concern.
Jonghyun rolls three little pills in his hand from under the table. Oh well, all is not lost - devious masterminds always have a contingency plan. There is no way that he is going home without getting laid tonight. “You know what, hyung, I think you’re right. This beer tastes godawful - how the hell do you manage to enjoy it? Isn’t there anything else to drink here that doesn’t taste like piss?”
Jinki shrugs and surveys the bar area critically. “Well, they seem to have a lot of ladies’ drinks to go around - how about a margarita?” He grins and dodges when Jonghyun throws a balled-up napkin at him. “Or, you know, I could just get you a glass of vodka.”
“Yeah, you could,” Jonghyun says, glowering. Jinki stands up, laughing and slapping Jonghyun on the shoulder good-naturedly as he passes by him to go up to the bar.
Jonghyun follows Jinki with his eyes, casually slipping the three pills into Jinki’s half-full mug and waving unassumingly when Jinki makes his way back to their booth with a glass of vodka in hand. Jonghyun’s gaze slides over to the mug of beer, in which the pills are taking their sweet time in dissolving into apparent nonexistence, and he panics just the slightest bit.
Jinki reaches their table and sets the glass in front of Jonghyun. “Here!”
“What, no ice?” Jonghyun blurts out, staring at Jinki while inwardly willing the pills to melt faster.
Jinki raises his eyebrows and it dawns on Jonghyun that that was a completely pussy thing to say, but thankfully Jinki is not as crass and prone to outright mockery as, say, Kibum, and is thoughtful enough to save Jonghyun from feeling utter mortification. “Oh yeah. Sorry about that,” Jinki says, flashing Jonghyun an easygoing smile and spinning on his heel to rectify Jonghyun’s drink without making fun of him once.
It’s one of the many reasons why Jonghyun is in love with him. Too bad it is all kind of one-sided for now.
But not for long, Jonghyun thinks, grabbing Jinki’s mug by the handle and gently swirling the contents until all traces of the pills disappear. He sets the mug back in its rightful place just as Jinki reappears beside him.
“Did you still want the beer after all?” Jinki looks puzzled as he sits back down.
“No. Still tastes like piss,” Jonghyun answers, lifting up his glass to Jinki with an innocuous grin. “Cheers.”
Jinki laughs. “Cheers,” he says, clinking his mug against Jonghyun’s glass and draining the remaining contents in a couple of swigs.
The Plan goes off without a hitch after that, right up to the part where Jonghyun coaxes a half-conscious Jinki out of the cab and into a love hotel.
“’S isn’t the dorm, Jonghyunnie,” Jinki slurs, voice thick from the drug. “Are we lost?”
“No, hyung, don’t worry about it,” Jonghyun soothes, heartily buzzed from the alcohol he himself consumed. He patiently slings Jinki’s arm over his shoulders when Jinki starts wobbling and missing his step, pulling the hood of Jinki’s jacket even lower over the other boy’s eyes and adjusting his own sunglasses before making his way to the receptionist. Five minutes later he is half-dragging Jinki down the hallway, panting heavily and leaning against the door as soon as he gets to the right room number.
Jinki mumbles something incoherent under his breath, his head flopping onto Jonghyun’s shoulder as Jonghyun struggles to unlock the door with the key the receptionist gave him.
“God, hyung, you’re really heavy,” Jonghyun whines, glancing at Jinki irritably. His ire is quick to dissipate when his gaze falls on Jinki’s lowered lashes and on his slightly parted mouth, pink lips dry and chapped from drinking too much alcohol. The desire to finally be able to kiss those lips unhindered overrides his growing fatigue and he kicks the door open, not bothering to fumble for the light switch and hurriedly locking the door behind him. He steers Jinki to where he assumes the bed would be, and hears more than sees Jinki’s knees hitting the foot of the bed. They both land on the mattress with a resounding thump - if Jinki had been conscious, he would have yelped in pain from the way Jonghyun’s shoulder is digging into his ribs, but as it stands, he is blissfully out cold.
Jonghyun wriggles out from under Jinki’s deadweight arm and rolls over, kicking off his shoes in one fluid motion, then groping for the switch to the bedside lamp. He manages to turn it on without too much difficulty, admiring the way the soft light emphasizes Jinki’s peaceful features. Jonghyun brushes the back of a finger over Jinki’s lips, letting out a snicker when Jinki’s face scrunches up at the light touch.
Thanking his lucky stars that he has gotten this far, he is suddenly gripped by the uncontrollable urge to gloat. He quickly fumbles around in his pockets for his mobile phone and hits speed dial one, humming a song under his breath until the other person picks up.
“Jonghyun, where the hell are you?” Kibum’s annoyed voice rings in Jonghyun’s ears.
“Heeeey, Kibum!” Jonghyun greets, smug tone evident even across layers of static. “Guess what~?”
“Oh god, are you drunk? You’re drunk, aren’t you. Is Jinki-hyung with you? Put him on the line.”
“Can’t,” Jonghyun replies while fondly brushing Jinki’s bangs back from his eyes.
“Jjong, you’re in no position to argue. Give Jinki-hyung the phone.”
“I told you, I can’t! He’s totally knocked out.”
Kibum’s voice is laced with concern for a moment. “What do you mean he’s-” There’s a pause, and a short bark of laughter follows. “Oh, haha, nice try, Jjong. There’s no way he’d be-”
“Wa-ay~”
Kibum sounds extremely peeved now. “Do elaborate.”
Jonghyun grins proudly to no one in particular. “I drugged him and now we’re both lying here on a bed in some motel! Only, Jinki-hyung’s kinda dead to the world right now.”
Dead silence on the other line. For a moment Jonghyun wonders if Kibum has hung up, and then a voice squawks in his ear, “You WHAT?!”
Jonghyun doubles over in peals of laughter, set off from hearing Kibum’s voice going as high as it could possibly go.
“Fuck you,” Kibum shrieks, “how the hell did you get away with that? You lucky son of a bitch.”
“I am, aren’t I?” Jonghyun preens for a couple of seconds before realizing that Kibum isn’t physically present to appreciate it.
“Where are you? I’m coming over right now.”
“Not telling,” Jonghyun singsongs, giggling as Kibum lets out a strangled scream of frustration on the other end. “Hey, hold on for a sec.” He reaches out with his free hand and unzips Jinki’s jacket, struggling to flip him over one-handed in order to remove it.
“Wait, you can’t just-Jonghyun!”
“Quiet, Kibum, I’m taking off his clothes,” Jonghyun says, pinning his phone between his right ear and shoulder so that he can free up both hands. It’s much easier to slip the sleeves from Jinki’s arms now, and he pulls off the jacket after several valiant tugs. He pushes Jinki onto his back again, this time moving to unbutton Jinki’s shirt. The task is actually quite herculean, considering the lack of coordination that comes with being utterly smashed. When he finally undoes the last button, he impatiently pushes the loose shirt ends out of the way and yanks Jinki’s undershirt up to his chin.
“Wow,” Jonghyun breathes into his phone.
“Wow what?” Kibum demands, a desperate edge to his voice. “Jonghyun, I swear to God if you don’t tell me where you are right now, I am going to-”
Jonghyun drops his phone to the side of the bed and pulls himself flush against Jinki, running a hand tenderly over Jinki’s cheek and leaning in close to place a delicate kiss on Jinki’s lips. Jinki stirs slightly, eyelids fluttering. “Mhmmrgh, Jonghyun…?” Jonghyun pulls back and waits with bated breath.
And then Jinki’s eyes fall shut, his head lolling to one side. Jonghyun lets out a sigh of relief. The tinny sound of Kibum still shrieking at him through the phone grows louder. He continues to ignore it in favor of licking a trail from Jinki’s collarbone to his throat, taking a few seconds to nuzzle his nose into the crook of Jinki’s neck and inhale Jinki’s scent - a mix of beer and sweat and citrusy aftershave. Then he pulls back, straddling Jinki and sitting back on Jinki’s stomach.
“Hey, Jjong! You asshole, pick up the goddamn phone!”
Jonghyun complies while ogling Jinki’s upper body with relish. “Jinki-hyung’s been working out! Kibum, you have to see his pecs. They’re so nice, god. I just have to bite them, okay, be right back,” and he puts the phone down again, lowering his head to do just that. Being drunk, his aim is slightly off and his mouth ends up over Jinki’s nipple. He giggles uncontrollably at his mistake and his breath comes out in short, wheezy gasps, Jinki’s nipple growing hard under his inadvertent ministrations. Jonghyun gives the nipple an experimental lick and decides that this is quite an enjoyable undertaking, so he clamps his mouth fully onto it and begins to suck with wild abandon.
“KIM JONGHYUN YOU-” More choking noises, the sound of a loud crash, and Taemin’s muted voice inquiring concernedly in the background. “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!!!”
Jonghyun finishes lapping at Jinki’s nipple with a salacious lick and a loud, puckered smack, inciting more screams of aggravation from Kibum. He frowns at the other, woefully neglected nipple and reaches out to pinch it, rubbing it absentmindedly between his thumb and forefinger as he ponders what to do next. His ears perk up and he glances over his shoulder and down at the steadily growing bulge in Jinki’s pants. Even in unconsciousness the notoriety of his package lives on! Or so Jonghyun’s drunken mind is rejoicing as he scampers to kneel beside Jinki and go about the motions of stripping Jinki of his lower garments. His heart sinks when he realizes that there is one huge problem.
“Fuck, Kibum,” Jonghyun wails, once again in possession of his phone, “He’s wearing fucking skinny jeans!”
Kibum stops mid-rant. “Yeah, so what?” he says bitterly.
“They’re a total bitch to pull off! This sucks; how am I supposed to do this?” Jonghyun complains.
“That’s what you get for not inviting me along,” Kibum sniffs.
Jonghyun throws his hands up in frustration. He once read an article about how people wearing skinny jeans couldn’t possibly be raped because of how hard it is to take the freaking jeans off - it had been deemed a valid excuse in an Australian court ruling, if he remembers correctly. Not that he is going to rape Jinki, technically speaking. Jinki is totally asking for it.
He just doesn’t know it yet.
“Giving up?” Kibum asks in his most nonchalant tone.
“Never!” Jonghyun shouts before flinging his phone aside petulantly. Kibum’s disappointed groan remains audible.
Jonghyun crosses his legs Indian-style and puts his hands on his hips. Okay, he can do this. He’s been wearing and taking off skinnies for years; how hard could it be to get them off another person?
He begins by unzipping Jinki’s jeans, spurned on by the solid touch of Jinki’s bulge beneath his fumbling fingers. It’s so much harder to do this when you’re drunk, he thinks irritably as his fingers scrabble for purchase along the hem of Jinki’s pants. He finally gets a firm grip and tugs down hard to no avail, barely making the pants slide down a couple of centimeters.
Resisting the urge to swear out loud, he pushes Jinki onto his side and tugs on the pants again. Doesn’t work. He rolls Jinki over again so that this time Jinki’s lying on his stomach. Straddling Jinki’s legs determinedly, he reaches for the pants and gives another almighty tug, only to topple backwards, the back of his head colliding with the heels of Jinki’s shoes.
“Damn it, hyung, why does your butt have to be so big?!” Jonghyun curses, scrambling back undeterred. He squats down and curls his toes into the bed sheet, attempting another tug as he throws all of his weight onto his back - Jinki’s pants slide down another merciful half-inch. There’s some semblance of accomplishment in this method, so Jonghyun decides to stick to it - roll Jinki onto his side, tug hard; roll him over the other way and tug again. He does this repeatedly with gargantuan effort, reduced to a mass of exhausted, horny boy after several painstaking minutes of attempting to pull Jinki’s pants over his monstrous bulge and his full, round ass.
He sits back and takes a little break. As if Jinki’s butt isn’t big enough, he has to have ridiculously huge thighs, too! Jonghyun almost cries at the sight. By the time he has peeled Jinki’s pants down to mid-thigh, he is utterly spent, no longer in the mood to ravish Jinki into the throes of subconscious ecstasy. If such a state even exists.
Whatever, Jonghyun thinks tiredly, gasping for breath as he lies beside Jinki and fatigue washes over him in waves, this would go so much better if Jinki is actually awake to reciprocate. He sleepily pats Jinki’s crotch through his threadbare cotton briefs and yawns, sliding his hand up to curl against Jinki’s chest.
Plan B, wake-up sex.
Kibum screams when the line goes dead, the sound of Jonghyun’s obscene gasps and groans still ringing in his ears.
“Hyung, are you sure you don’t want to tell me what’s wrong?” Taemin asks cautiously, hugging his pillow to his chest and looking like he’s ready to flee at the slightest provocation.
“No, Taemin-ah, everything’s fine,” Kibum tells him in clipped tones. He is quick to cover his crotch with his own pillow before leaning towards the bedside table and calmly setting his mobile phone down on it. “That idiot Jonghyun just forgot to charge his phone again, and he and Jinki-hyung are stranded somewhere so they won’t be coming home tonight.”
Taemin nods, Kibum’s strange actions not going unnoticed by his sharp eyes, and he says, “Uh, okay then. If you want, I can go sleep in Minho-hyung’s room-”
“What for? You don’t have to,” Kibum says crossly.
Taemin’s gaze lingers on Kibum’s pillow, or rather, where Kibum is strategically placing it. “I insist,” he says, flashing Kibum a reassuring smile. He bounces off his bed and runs out the door. “Good night, hyung!”
Kibum blinks - a beat later, Minho appears in the doorway with a book in hand, as if he is just getting ready to head into his and Jonghyun’s room to turn in for the night. Minho stares after Taemin and then casts Kibum a sideways glance.
“Thanks, Kibum,” he says with a smirk, oh-so-thoughtfully reaching out to close Kibum’s door for him before shuffling off.
Kibum sputters in indignation, but Minho’s footsteps have long faded by the time he comes up with a scathing retort. He distinctly hears Taemin’s muffled voice and the sound of bedsprings creaking from the combined weight of two people occupying a single bed.
Goddamit, is he the only one not getting any action tonight?
lmfao i can’t believe this almost hit 3k words omg. i am terribly sorry for sullying the good name of jongyu fic OTL /crawls under a rock to die
~2800 words
Jonghyun/Onew, R, failcrack
summary: Jonghyun’s plan is perfect. His execution, not so much.
warning: uh. almost non-con, but not really? this is so retarded, idek.
a/n: this fic is based entirely off of dubulust’s dream, which he described to me in vivid detail. basically i am just translating it into fic form with some minor embellishments, lol. god knows my own subconscious can’t come up with something like this :\ am still lamenting the unfairness of life.
Jonghyun shifts impatiently in his seat as he watches Jinki downing his fifth mug of beer that night. He wants nothing more than to leave this club, with its dizzying strobe lights and its ear-deafening music and its slew of grabby, intoxicated, scantily-clad patrons whose only purpose in life seems to be to spill alcohol on other people's laps and cop a feel while the poor victim is busy sputtering in outrage. He fingers the waist of his half-wet jeans with mild annoyance, still disgruntled that Jinki hadn't immediately come to his rescue when that cheap girl was rubbing herself all over him.
"Chill out and drink some more, Jonghyun-ah!" Jinki tells him with a bright smile, and Jonghyun can't believe he is just sitting there, encouraging Jonghyun to drink alcohol and possibly cause a scandal if they get found out and not acting like the leader he is supposed to be. Sure, he had been the one to coerce Jinki into going out for a drink, but he has ulterior motives to pursue and Jinki is totally not helping him achieve them, what with this unexpected ability to hold his liquor and look completely at home in this den of indecency and inebriation.
Jonghyun hadn't really expected Jinki to act this way. Jinki is supposed to be three sheets to the wind and gibbering at Jonghyun to take him home by the time he finishes his third beer, whereupon Jonghyun will whisk him off to the nearest motel and have hot, drunk sex with him.
It had seemed like a brilliant idea when Jonghyun first came up with the plan. Also easy.
How utterly wrong he was.
“What’s wrong? If beer doesn’t sit well with you, we can get you something else,” Jinki suggests, his perfectly lucid eyes crinkling in concern.
Jonghyun rolls three little pills in his hand from under the table. Oh well, all is not lost - devious masterminds always have a contingency plan. There is no way that he is going home without getting laid tonight. “You know what, hyung, I think you’re right. This beer tastes godawful - how the hell do you manage to enjoy it? Isn’t there anything else to drink here that doesn’t taste like piss?”
Jinki shrugs and surveys the bar area critically. “Well, they seem to have a lot of ladies’ drinks to go around - how about a margarita?” He grins and dodges when Jonghyun throws a balled-up napkin at him. “Or, you know, I could just get you a glass of vodka.”
“Yeah, you could,” Jonghyun says, glowering. Jinki stands up, laughing and slapping Jonghyun on the shoulder good-naturedly as he passes by him to go up to the bar.
Jonghyun follows Jinki with his eyes, casually slipping the three pills into Jinki’s half-full mug and waving unassumingly when Jinki makes his way back to their booth with a glass of vodka in hand. Jonghyun’s gaze slides over to the mug of beer, in which the pills are taking their sweet time in dissolving into apparent nonexistence, and he panics just the slightest bit.
Jinki reaches their table and sets the glass in front of Jonghyun. “Here!”
“What, no ice?” Jonghyun blurts out, staring at Jinki while inwardly willing the pills to melt faster.
Jinki raises his eyebrows and it dawns on Jonghyun that that was a completely pussy thing to say, but thankfully Jinki is not as crass and prone to outright mockery as, say, Kibum, and is thoughtful enough to save Jonghyun from feeling utter mortification. “Oh yeah. Sorry about that,” Jinki says, flashing Jonghyun an easygoing smile and spinning on his heel to rectify Jonghyun’s drink without making fun of him once.
It’s one of the many reasons why Jonghyun is in love with him. Too bad it is all kind of one-sided for now.
But not for long, Jonghyun thinks, grabbing Jinki’s mug by the handle and gently swirling the contents until all traces of the pills disappear. He sets the mug back in its rightful place just as Jinki reappears beside him.
“Did you still want the beer after all?” Jinki looks puzzled as he sits back down.
“No. Still tastes like piss,” Jonghyun answers, lifting up his glass to Jinki with an innocuous grin. “Cheers.”
Jinki laughs. “Cheers,” he says, clinking his mug against Jonghyun’s glass and draining the remaining contents in a couple of swigs.
The Plan goes off without a hitch after that, right up to the part where Jonghyun coaxes a half-conscious Jinki out of the cab and into a love hotel.
“’S isn’t the dorm, Jonghyunnie,” Jinki slurs, voice thick from the drug. “Are we lost?”
“No, hyung, don’t worry about it,” Jonghyun soothes, heartily buzzed from the alcohol he himself consumed. He patiently slings Jinki’s arm over his shoulders when Jinki starts wobbling and missing his step, pulling the hood of Jinki’s jacket even lower over the other boy’s eyes and adjusting his own sunglasses before making his way to the receptionist. Five minutes later he is half-dragging Jinki down the hallway, panting heavily and leaning against the door as soon as he gets to the right room number.
Jinki mumbles something incoherent under his breath, his head flopping onto Jonghyun’s shoulder as Jonghyun struggles to unlock the door with the key the receptionist gave him.
“God, hyung, you’re really heavy,” Jonghyun whines, glancing at Jinki irritably. His ire is quick to dissipate when his gaze falls on Jinki’s lowered lashes and on his slightly parted mouth, pink lips dry and chapped from drinking too much alcohol. The desire to finally be able to kiss those lips unhindered overrides his growing fatigue and he kicks the door open, not bothering to fumble for the light switch and hurriedly locking the door behind him. He steers Jinki to where he assumes the bed would be, and hears more than sees Jinki’s knees hitting the foot of the bed. They both land on the mattress with a resounding thump - if Jinki had been conscious, he would have yelped in pain from the way Jonghyun’s shoulder is digging into his ribs, but as it stands, he is blissfully out cold.
Jonghyun wriggles out from under Jinki’s deadweight arm and rolls over, kicking off his shoes in one fluid motion, then groping for the switch to the bedside lamp. He manages to turn it on without too much difficulty, admiring the way the soft light emphasizes Jinki’s peaceful features. Jonghyun brushes the back of a finger over Jinki’s lips, letting out a snicker when Jinki’s face scrunches up at the light touch.
Thanking his lucky stars that he has gotten this far, he is suddenly gripped by the uncontrollable urge to gloat. He quickly fumbles around in his pockets for his mobile phone and hits speed dial one, humming a song under his breath until the other person picks up.
“Jonghyun, where the hell are you?” Kibum’s annoyed voice rings in Jonghyun’s ears.
“Heeeey, Kibum!” Jonghyun greets, smug tone evident even across layers of static. “Guess what~?”
“Oh god, are you drunk? You’re drunk, aren’t you. Is Jinki-hyung with you? Put him on the line.”
“Can’t,” Jonghyun replies while fondly brushing Jinki’s bangs back from his eyes.
“Jjong, you’re in no position to argue. Give Jinki-hyung the phone.”
“I told you, I can’t! He’s totally knocked out.”
Kibum’s voice is laced with concern for a moment. “What do you mean he’s-” There’s a pause, and a short bark of laughter follows. “Oh, haha, nice try, Jjong. There’s no way he’d be-”
“Wa-ay~”
Kibum sounds extremely peeved now. “Do elaborate.”
Jonghyun grins proudly to no one in particular. “I drugged him and now we’re both lying here on a bed in some motel! Only, Jinki-hyung’s kinda dead to the world right now.”
Dead silence on the other line. For a moment Jonghyun wonders if Kibum has hung up, and then a voice squawks in his ear, “You WHAT?!”
Jonghyun doubles over in peals of laughter, set off from hearing Kibum’s voice going as high as it could possibly go.
“Fuck you,” Kibum shrieks, “how the hell did you get away with that? You lucky son of a bitch.”
“I am, aren’t I?” Jonghyun preens for a couple of seconds before realizing that Kibum isn’t physically present to appreciate it.
“Where are you? I’m coming over right now.”
“Not telling,” Jonghyun singsongs, giggling as Kibum lets out a strangled scream of frustration on the other end. “Hey, hold on for a sec.” He reaches out with his free hand and unzips Jinki’s jacket, struggling to flip him over one-handed in order to remove it.
“Wait, you can’t just-Jonghyun!”
“Quiet, Kibum, I’m taking off his clothes,” Jonghyun says, pinning his phone between his right ear and shoulder so that he can free up both hands. It’s much easier to slip the sleeves from Jinki’s arms now, and he pulls off the jacket after several valiant tugs. He pushes Jinki onto his back again, this time moving to unbutton Jinki’s shirt. The task is actually quite herculean, considering the lack of coordination that comes with being utterly smashed. When he finally undoes the last button, he impatiently pushes the loose shirt ends out of the way and yanks Jinki’s undershirt up to his chin.
“Wow,” Jonghyun breathes into his phone.
“Wow what?” Kibum demands, a desperate edge to his voice. “Jonghyun, I swear to God if you don’t tell me where you are right now, I am going to-”
Jonghyun drops his phone to the side of the bed and pulls himself flush against Jinki, running a hand tenderly over Jinki’s cheek and leaning in close to place a delicate kiss on Jinki’s lips. Jinki stirs slightly, eyelids fluttering. “Mhmmrgh, Jonghyun…?” Jonghyun pulls back and waits with bated breath.
And then Jinki’s eyes fall shut, his head lolling to one side. Jonghyun lets out a sigh of relief. The tinny sound of Kibum still shrieking at him through the phone grows louder. He continues to ignore it in favor of licking a trail from Jinki’s collarbone to his throat, taking a few seconds to nuzzle his nose into the crook of Jinki’s neck and inhale Jinki’s scent - a mix of beer and sweat and citrusy aftershave. Then he pulls back, straddling Jinki and sitting back on Jinki’s stomach.
“Hey, Jjong! You asshole, pick up the goddamn phone!”
Jonghyun complies while ogling Jinki’s upper body with relish. “Jinki-hyung’s been working out! Kibum, you have to see his pecs. They’re so nice, god. I just have to bite them, okay, be right back,” and he puts the phone down again, lowering his head to do just that. Being drunk, his aim is slightly off and his mouth ends up over Jinki’s nipple. He giggles uncontrollably at his mistake and his breath comes out in short, wheezy gasps, Jinki’s nipple growing hard under his inadvertent ministrations. Jonghyun gives the nipple an experimental lick and decides that this is quite an enjoyable undertaking, so he clamps his mouth fully onto it and begins to suck with wild abandon.
“KIM JONGHYUN YOU-” More choking noises, the sound of a loud crash, and Taemin’s muted voice inquiring concernedly in the background. “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!!!”
Jonghyun finishes lapping at Jinki’s nipple with a salacious lick and a loud, puckered smack, inciting more screams of aggravation from Kibum. He frowns at the other, woefully neglected nipple and reaches out to pinch it, rubbing it absentmindedly between his thumb and forefinger as he ponders what to do next. His ears perk up and he glances over his shoulder and down at the steadily growing bulge in Jinki’s pants. Even in unconsciousness the notoriety of his package lives on! Or so Jonghyun’s drunken mind is rejoicing as he scampers to kneel beside Jinki and go about the motions of stripping Jinki of his lower garments. His heart sinks when he realizes that there is one huge problem.
“Fuck, Kibum,” Jonghyun wails, once again in possession of his phone, “He’s wearing fucking skinny jeans!”
Kibum stops mid-rant. “Yeah, so what?” he says bitterly.
“They’re a total bitch to pull off! This sucks; how am I supposed to do this?” Jonghyun complains.
“That’s what you get for not inviting me along,” Kibum sniffs.
Jonghyun throws his hands up in frustration. He once read an article about how people wearing skinny jeans couldn’t possibly be raped because of how hard it is to take the freaking jeans off - it had been deemed a valid excuse in an Australian court ruling, if he remembers correctly. Not that he is going to rape Jinki, technically speaking. Jinki is totally asking for it.
He just doesn’t know it yet.
“Giving up?” Kibum asks in his most nonchalant tone.
“Never!” Jonghyun shouts before flinging his phone aside petulantly. Kibum’s disappointed groan remains audible.
Jonghyun crosses his legs Indian-style and puts his hands on his hips. Okay, he can do this. He’s been wearing and taking off skinnies for years; how hard could it be to get them off another person?
He begins by unzipping Jinki’s jeans, spurned on by the solid touch of Jinki’s bulge beneath his fumbling fingers. It’s so much harder to do this when you’re drunk, he thinks irritably as his fingers scrabble for purchase along the hem of Jinki’s pants. He finally gets a firm grip and tugs down hard to no avail, barely making the pants slide down a couple of centimeters.
Resisting the urge to swear out loud, he pushes Jinki onto his side and tugs on the pants again. Doesn’t work. He rolls Jinki over again so that this time Jinki’s lying on his stomach. Straddling Jinki’s legs determinedly, he reaches for the pants and gives another almighty tug, only to topple backwards, the back of his head colliding with the heels of Jinki’s shoes.
“Damn it, hyung, why does your butt have to be so big?!” Jonghyun curses, scrambling back undeterred. He squats down and curls his toes into the bed sheet, attempting another tug as he throws all of his weight onto his back - Jinki’s pants slide down another merciful half-inch. There’s some semblance of accomplishment in this method, so Jonghyun decides to stick to it - roll Jinki onto his side, tug hard; roll him over the other way and tug again. He does this repeatedly with gargantuan effort, reduced to a mass of exhausted, horny boy after several painstaking minutes of attempting to pull Jinki’s pants over his monstrous bulge and his full, round ass.
He sits back and takes a little break. As if Jinki’s butt isn’t big enough, he has to have ridiculously huge thighs, too! Jonghyun almost cries at the sight. By the time he has peeled Jinki’s pants down to mid-thigh, he is utterly spent, no longer in the mood to ravish Jinki into the throes of subconscious ecstasy. If such a state even exists.
Whatever, Jonghyun thinks tiredly, gasping for breath as he lies beside Jinki and fatigue washes over him in waves, this would go so much better if Jinki is actually awake to reciprocate. He sleepily pats Jinki’s crotch through his threadbare cotton briefs and yawns, sliding his hand up to curl against Jinki’s chest.
Plan B, wake-up sex.
Kibum screams when the line goes dead, the sound of Jonghyun’s obscene gasps and groans still ringing in his ears.
“Hyung, are you sure you don’t want to tell me what’s wrong?” Taemin asks cautiously, hugging his pillow to his chest and looking like he’s ready to flee at the slightest provocation.
“No, Taemin-ah, everything’s fine,” Kibum tells him in clipped tones. He is quick to cover his crotch with his own pillow before leaning towards the bedside table and calmly setting his mobile phone down on it. “That idiot Jonghyun just forgot to charge his phone again, and he and Jinki-hyung are stranded somewhere so they won’t be coming home tonight.”
Taemin nods, Kibum’s strange actions not going unnoticed by his sharp eyes, and he says, “Uh, okay then. If you want, I can go sleep in Minho-hyung’s room-”
“What for? You don’t have to,” Kibum says crossly.
Taemin’s gaze lingers on Kibum’s pillow, or rather, where Kibum is strategically placing it. “I insist,” he says, flashing Kibum a reassuring smile. He bounces off his bed and runs out the door. “Good night, hyung!”
Kibum blinks - a beat later, Minho appears in the doorway with a book in hand, as if he is just getting ready to head into his and Jonghyun’s room to turn in for the night. Minho stares after Taemin and then casts Kibum a sideways glance.
“Thanks, Kibum,” he says with a smirk, oh-so-thoughtfully reaching out to close Kibum’s door for him before shuffling off.
Kibum sputters in indignation, but Minho’s footsteps have long faded by the time he comes up with a scathing retort. He distinctly hears Taemin’s muffled voice and the sound of bedsprings creaking from the combined weight of two people occupying a single bed.
Goddamit, is he the only one not getting any action tonight?
lmfao i can’t believe this almost hit 3k words omg. i am terribly sorry for sullying the good name of jongyu fic OTL /crawls under a rock to die