Hustle panto - episode 2
Notes.
1. Hustle does not belong to me unfortunately. I'm just playing.
2. Thanks to penfold2 for reading.
3. This wasn't intended to be anything like "how the crew met" fic. It just happened. When you've read this, go and read handy-melon's here
4 I know the crew didn't meet Phil & Charlie until S6 but *shrug* they do here. Because Colin Baker didn't have long enough...
Ash sighed.
"What's up?" asked Stacie.
"It's not much of a gaff this, is it? I promised your dad I'd look after you and, well..."
He paused and ran his fingers through his hair.
"I'm just not doing a very good job. How much money have we got this month?"
"Not much," said Stacie. "It wouldn't be so bad if that landlady wasn't ripping us off so much. Shame I can't go to that party she's going to. Full of rich marks..."
To their surprise, somebody appeared in the room. Ash consulted a set of notes on the kitchen worktop.
"Says here you're Stace's fairy godmother..."
"I'm not a fairy *or* a godmother," said the fairy.
"...and your name's Jean? That's a girly name."
"What? Give us that script."
Gene took the script.
"They've only gone and spelt me name wrong. It's not Jean - it's G-E-N-E. Gene, short for Eugene. Means of noble birth."
"Right," said Ash. "Are you sure? 'Cos you're wearing a dress."
"No need to be personal."
"Fairy nuff."
Stacie rolled her eyes.
"You got that from the panto last year didn't you?"
Ash grinned.
"Maybe. So anyway," he said to Gene, "are you going to do anything helpful for Stace or not?"
Gene looked at him.
"Well, that's what I've come for. You want to go to this party. So first you need transport. I'll need a pumpkin and two mice."
"Seriously? You want a pumpkin?" asked Stacie.
"Problem?"
"Now it's after Halloween, it's not so easy to get pumpkins."
Gene sighed.
"OK, a melon will do."
"You're OK Stace. Back in five," said Ash.
"Now," continued Gene, "you'll need a dress. I've got this rather nice one. What do ya reckon?"
He showed her a dress.
"That's beautiful. Where did you get it?" asked Stacie.
Gene looked a bit embarrassed.
"Don't ask," he said. "It might not be your size, but we can easily change it..."
Gene could apparently do alterations by clicking his fingers.
"There!" he said. "A perfect fit. Now, here's a matching bag. A Gucky I think it is."
"Gucci?"
"That's the one," said Gene.
Just then, Ash returned, looking pleased with himself.
"Where's the melon?" demanded Gene.
Ash ignored him.
"Limo's outside," he said to Stacie.
***
Stacie arrived at the party and soon found herself with lot of wallets and lots of profit. She was entirely unaware that she was being watched by four people.
"She's good, Michael" said Albert. "I think she's exactly what we are looking for."
"OK. Shall we ask her?"
Albert nodded. "First we need to get her out of trouble. Have you noticed she's being watched by Phil and Czech Charlie? If she tries anything on them..." He left the sentence unfinished.
Mickey rubbed his chin.
"In fact," said Albert, "I think we should persuade her to get rid of what she's already got."
Mickey went up to Stacie.
"You've been stealing wallets," he said.
Stacie face was impassive but she was shaken.
"They're in your bag. Don't turn around but Czech Charlie over there is not keen on people who do that. Let's just say you wouldn't be able to wear a wedding ring. I could look after it for you."
Stacie scoffed.
"You think I'd fall for that?"
"Albert said you were what we looking for. If I were you I'd put it in another bag in the lockers in the cloakroom. We will talk later."
Stacie watched him walk away, and decided it wouldn't do any harm to follow his advice.
As she returned she was cornered by two men. The larger of them pinned her against the wall.
"We don't like what you've been doing," said Charlie. "Open your bag."
It was empty. Charlie was still looking menacing.
"Where is the money?" he demanded.
"My dance, I think," said Albert. "You don't mind if I cut in...?" He whispered to Stacie, "Leave the bag."
She did as he said. They went to collect her money and Albert accompanied her to the limo.
Phil looked at Charlie. "She's switched the money. Follow her home."
####
The following morning, there was a knock at the door. It was Albert and Mickey.
"I think you may be getting a visitor," said Albert.
"Quite right," said Gene, appearing at once.
"Um, not quite who I expected," said Albert.
There was another knock. It was Phil and Charlie.
"Ah," said Albert.
"Whoever owns this bag will marry me," said Phil.
"Wrong story, bro," said Charlie. "They'll get their finger chopped off for stealing."
"Oh yes, that's right," said Phil.
"It's not mine," said Stacie.
"Are you sure?" asked Phil.
"It's the landlady's," put in Gene.
"Is it?" asked Stacie.
"Yep," said Gene.
"And where does she live?" demanded Charlie.
"I'll show you," said Gene, and took Charlie out.
Phil looked at Ash.
"Have I met you somewhere before?"
"Nah, don't think so," replied Ash.
"Another planet, in a galaxy far, far away?"
"Huh?"
"I was dying, you thought it was funny?"
"Are you winding me up?"
"No," said Phil, taken aback. "As it happens, technically, I did die. Yeah so actually, I didn't look like this... that's maybe why you don't recognise me."
Ash was looking at him as if he were mad, so Phil shrugged.
"Maybe you just look like him."
There was a blood-curdling scream from the flat above.
"Your landlady's lost her finger," said Phil. "She won't be nicking stuff again. Well, Happy Christmas."
####
"I've bought you a present," said Ash to Gene.
"No-one's ever bought me anything before," he said.
Ash went out and came back in carrying two melons. He gave them to Gene.
"Thought they might come in useful."
Gene looked touched.
"Thanks."
"Well, you sorted stuff out for Stace an' all."
He looked gloomily over to where Stacie was deep in coversation with Mickey.
"You really like her, don't you?"
Ash shrugged.
"Not much point, is there?"
"Give it a few years, you'll see. Anyway, I'll give *you* a present."
He took a ruler out of his pocket.
"A ruler?" said Ash. Then he remembered that his mum had told him he should always act grateful for presents. "Oh thanks," he said.
"Nah", said Gene. "You don't think I'm going to have a poncey wand, do ya? Now, I know you were always embarrassed by that nickname you used to have..."
Ash flushed a little, wondering how Gene knew. He looked puzzled for a moment, wondering why his jeans were a snugger fit. Then he grinned.
"Ash?" said Stacie, "are you OK?"
"Just fine," he said. "Yep, great. Thanks Gene."
'See ya Three Socks,' said Gene to himself, as he disappeared.
1. Hustle does not belong to me unfortunately. I'm just playing.
2. Thanks to penfold2 for reading.
3. This wasn't intended to be anything like "how the crew met" fic. It just happened. When you've read this, go and read handy-melon's here
4 I know the crew didn't meet Phil & Charlie until S6 but *shrug* they do here. Because Colin Baker didn't have long enough...
Ash sighed.
"What's up?" asked Stacie.
"It's not much of a gaff this, is it? I promised your dad I'd look after you and, well..."
He paused and ran his fingers through his hair.
"I'm just not doing a very good job. How much money have we got this month?"
"Not much," said Stacie. "It wouldn't be so bad if that landlady wasn't ripping us off so much. Shame I can't go to that party she's going to. Full of rich marks..."
To their surprise, somebody appeared in the room. Ash consulted a set of notes on the kitchen worktop.
"Says here you're Stace's fairy godmother..."
"I'm not a fairy *or* a godmother," said the fairy.
"...and your name's Jean? That's a girly name."
"What? Give us that script."
Gene took the script.
"They've only gone and spelt me name wrong. It's not Jean - it's G-E-N-E. Gene, short for Eugene. Means of noble birth."
"Right," said Ash. "Are you sure? 'Cos you're wearing a dress."
"No need to be personal."
"Fairy nuff."
Stacie rolled her eyes.
"You got that from the panto last year didn't you?"
Ash grinned.
"Maybe. So anyway," he said to Gene, "are you going to do anything helpful for Stace or not?"
Gene looked at him.
"Well, that's what I've come for. You want to go to this party. So first you need transport. I'll need a pumpkin and two mice."
"Seriously? You want a pumpkin?" asked Stacie.
"Problem?"
"Now it's after Halloween, it's not so easy to get pumpkins."
Gene sighed.
"OK, a melon will do."
"You're OK Stace. Back in five," said Ash.
"Now," continued Gene, "you'll need a dress. I've got this rather nice one. What do ya reckon?"
He showed her a dress.
"That's beautiful. Where did you get it?" asked Stacie.
Gene looked a bit embarrassed.
"Don't ask," he said. "It might not be your size, but we can easily change it..."
Gene could apparently do alterations by clicking his fingers.
"There!" he said. "A perfect fit. Now, here's a matching bag. A Gucky I think it is."
"Gucci?"
"That's the one," said Gene.
Just then, Ash returned, looking pleased with himself.
"Where's the melon?" demanded Gene.
Ash ignored him.
"Limo's outside," he said to Stacie.
***
Stacie arrived at the party and soon found herself with lot of wallets and lots of profit. She was entirely unaware that she was being watched by four people.
"She's good, Michael" said Albert. "I think she's exactly what we are looking for."
"OK. Shall we ask her?"
Albert nodded. "First we need to get her out of trouble. Have you noticed she's being watched by Phil and Czech Charlie? If she tries anything on them..." He left the sentence unfinished.
Mickey rubbed his chin.
"In fact," said Albert, "I think we should persuade her to get rid of what she's already got."
Mickey went up to Stacie.
"You've been stealing wallets," he said.
Stacie face was impassive but she was shaken.
"They're in your bag. Don't turn around but Czech Charlie over there is not keen on people who do that. Let's just say you wouldn't be able to wear a wedding ring. I could look after it for you."
Stacie scoffed.
"You think I'd fall for that?"
"Albert said you were what we looking for. If I were you I'd put it in another bag in the lockers in the cloakroom. We will talk later."
Stacie watched him walk away, and decided it wouldn't do any harm to follow his advice.
As she returned she was cornered by two men. The larger of them pinned her against the wall.
"We don't like what you've been doing," said Charlie. "Open your bag."
It was empty. Charlie was still looking menacing.
"Where is the money?" he demanded.
"My dance, I think," said Albert. "You don't mind if I cut in...?" He whispered to Stacie, "Leave the bag."
She did as he said. They went to collect her money and Albert accompanied her to the limo.
Phil looked at Charlie. "She's switched the money. Follow her home."
####
The following morning, there was a knock at the door. It was Albert and Mickey.
"I think you may be getting a visitor," said Albert.
"Quite right," said Gene, appearing at once.
"Um, not quite who I expected," said Albert.
There was another knock. It was Phil and Charlie.
"Ah," said Albert.
"Whoever owns this bag will marry me," said Phil.
"Wrong story, bro," said Charlie. "They'll get their finger chopped off for stealing."
"Oh yes, that's right," said Phil.
"It's not mine," said Stacie.
"Are you sure?" asked Phil.
"It's the landlady's," put in Gene.
"Is it?" asked Stacie.
"Yep," said Gene.
"And where does she live?" demanded Charlie.
"I'll show you," said Gene, and took Charlie out.
Phil looked at Ash.
"Have I met you somewhere before?"
"Nah, don't think so," replied Ash.
"Another planet, in a galaxy far, far away?"
"Huh?"
"I was dying, you thought it was funny?"
"Are you winding me up?"
"No," said Phil, taken aback. "As it happens, technically, I did die. Yeah so actually, I didn't look like this... that's maybe why you don't recognise me."
Ash was looking at him as if he were mad, so Phil shrugged.
"Maybe you just look like him."
There was a blood-curdling scream from the flat above.
"Your landlady's lost her finger," said Phil. "She won't be nicking stuff again. Well, Happy Christmas."
####
"I've bought you a present," said Ash to Gene.
"No-one's ever bought me anything before," he said.
Ash went out and came back in carrying two melons. He gave them to Gene.
"Thought they might come in useful."
Gene looked touched.
"Thanks."
"Well, you sorted stuff out for Stace an' all."
He looked gloomily over to where Stacie was deep in coversation with Mickey.
"You really like her, don't you?"
Ash shrugged.
"Not much point, is there?"
"Give it a few years, you'll see. Anyway, I'll give *you* a present."
He took a ruler out of his pocket.
"A ruler?" said Ash. Then he remembered that his mum had told him he should always act grateful for presents. "Oh thanks," he said.
"Nah", said Gene. "You don't think I'm going to have a poncey wand, do ya? Now, I know you were always embarrassed by that nickname you used to have..."
Ash flushed a little, wondering how Gene knew. He looked puzzled for a moment, wondering why his jeans were a snugger fit. Then he grinned.
"Ash?" said Stacie, "are you OK?"
"Just fine," he said. "Yep, great. Thanks Gene."
'See ya Three Socks,' said Gene to himself, as he disappeared.