DEG: Through the looking glass
Title: Through the looking glass
Author: cateris
Pairing: not revealing it is important to the story.
Rating: R
Summary: And this place...it was funny...all those big door viewers pointing accusingly towards him. He felt trapped. Trapped with a burden he never chose to carry in the first place. Never wanted to be acquainted with.
Disclaimer: The events and characters depicted in the following piece of work are completely fictitious. Even though similarities with the members of Dir en Grey, or other public personae may be found they are in no way impling that any of the events or character traits are true. I do not know the members of Dir en Grey, and am in no way affiliated to them, the story itself is completely untrue and is in no way meant to reflect the private lives, actual practices, or activities of any persons named. No harm, libel or disrespect is intended. No statements whatsoever and no commercial gain are made out of the work archived here; this is simply for entertainment purposes.
NOTE: this is seen through Kyo's eyes and contains all the other band mates
+ LOTS OF THANKS AND LOVE TO rheakurokawa bearing with me late last night,and helping me correct stuff, instead of enjoying herself on the computer after a long day of work.
THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
“HAPPY NEW YEAR, Kyo!”
He could still feel his heart racing from being startled and woken up by Die’s loud voice and his annoying shaking on his shoulder.
„Hmm?”
„Duuude! Shinya told you not to drink that shit. HE brought it to the party. Why didn’t you believe?”
Oh yes. The party. Now he remembered. Instead of staying home and sleeping on their day off, he decided he’d take up Kaoru’s invitation of going with all the guys to this organized party. Because here there were: BOSS’ men with BOSS himself, as well as other J-rockers and friends, high school buddies and new faces. A change of scenery never hurt for a change.
„Man, you missed the fireworks. It was insane!”
Straighten up and trying not to break any glasses in the process of pulling his hands back along his body, Kyo watched how in the distance Shinya was coming towards them.
„We thought we lost you completely.”
„He’s fucking drunk and he thinks I’M drunk!”
„Whaaa?”
„It’s not New Year’s Eve, Die. And there are no fireworks. It has been raining all day since this morning,”looking straight to him.
Slowly petting Kyo dearly on his shoulder Shinya smiled at Die.
„Didn’t you know when he’s drunk he’s always damn lucid and very conscious about his surroundings?” Snorting. „He’s not like you, Die. You should’ve known that after so much time spend together, that you just can’t fool the man.”
Die was smirking mysteriously while sipping on his beer bottle.
„Never hurt to try, though...”
„So how are you feeling? ...Truly now...”
Shinya was looking at him, now crouching in front of him.
„At least the feeling of nausea did go away?”
He felt lightheaded and not exactly, truly there. It was like living a dream only more vividly.
„I think I need a glass of water.”
He was blinking slowly and soon he started to feel that damn pain in his head, from the noise, the crowd, the bass sounds in the music.
„Sure. I’ll bring you a bottle. Plus, I’ll talk with one of the girls here, there has to be someone-
„Is that Kaoru?” faintly echoed Die’s voice.
with some head painkillers.”
„He looks upset.”
By the time Shinya was back on his legs and ready to leave, Die was already gone. And it was this annoyed chick that just hit the couch when Kyo realized he lost his cigarettes. Great! But he was frustrated and didn’t give a specific shit anyway if the girl would think that he’d actually want to hit on her.
„Excuse me.”
Totally not his type. It screamed fake from the choice of clothes to the one length of her nails. She pretended she didn’t hear him.
„Excuse me, miss,” after rolling his eyes.
She really looked like she was ready to leave when:
„Look, do you happen to have any cigarettes? I lost my pack,” sincerity and annoyance in his voice.
That’s when she looked at him. At least her eyes were beautiful. Too much make-up, but beautiful enough.
She was already searching through her small tacky clutch, when Kyo looked once more towards the crowd and tried to think exactly what he was feeling. Because, truth be told, when it come to numbers, Kyo never cared about many people in one place. Just didn’t matter. Didn’t fill him with any kind of enjoyment. Even Shinya looked like he would care about parties and such.
„Here.”
„Thank you.” Not even looking, but only bowing his head a little toward her in gratitude.
Then he closed his eyes back, smoking silently. The music was so loud and had hip-hop beats. At least it was quality hip-hop which is always a bonus. He didn’t really feel his legs and it was as if the world started racing again, turning circles, and circles.
- - -
(cool feeling on his hand)
„Hey. Brought you your water. Asked the guys to put some fresh lime in it too. Hope it helps in a way.” Shinya always had something motherly and protective in himself. You could always count on him.
The couch was empty again only with him on it and now Shinya too.
„Look, I really think you should go home. It’s late, you feel like shit,” lowering his gaze in sadness and guilt, „and this is all my fault... At least listen to me now...”
Between half-lidded eyes and cool liquid purifying his insides and going straight to its temples, sending a whole wave of vibrations and pulsations to his brain, soothing it.
„What...” clearing his throat and raising his right hand holding the cigarette to his temple, rubbing there. „What time is it?”
„It’s 3:30. You came at 11:00.”
„What?” It was the noise.
„I said: it’s 3:30 and you came at 11:00! Look, I’ll just call you a cab and you’ll get back safely at your home lying in your bed! OK?” raising his voice.
It was a stupid change of colors in the light that made him close his eyes in defense. Feeling Shinya ready to leave the couch he grabbed him by his long shirt.
„No.” Shinya was already lowered in front of him „There’s no need. Some fresh cool air will do me good.”
„Kyo, but it’s raining outside like crazy. Some minutes ago there were also some nasty thunder lights.”
„Ok, so there’s also gonna be some humidity in the air...”
„You know I never appreciated your sense of joking...”
„Cute. No. Seriously now. There’s no need. In the worst case I’ll call a cab myself,” and tried to smile reassuringly.
„Ok. Have it your way. I’m bringing you the jacket,” and he left again.
Good. Raining. Some little cold. Already felt refreshed just from the thought of it. The city was really beautiful while raining and it calmed Kyo. Made him think about things, and it was a moment in time exclusively his, because, truth be told, this party consumed him and tired him and brought him no happiness in the end. Again. So he wanted some little time alone. His apartment didn’t count because that was another temple of routines and stupid habits. Always the same.
It was Kenji, who gave him the jacket, soon followed by Shinya’s presence.
„You sure you’re gonna be alright?”
„Yeah, there’s no need to worry, Shin,” while dressing himself.
„At least let me walk you outside. You’ve seen this place. It’s insane. I’ve never seen something like this,” slightly laughing, „Just in movies maybe...”
„No, no, seriously. I’ll be ok.”
Shinya was starting to look slightly guilty again having his gaze turned onto the ground.
„We’ll talk tomorrow, ok? Enjoy yourself.”
„Thanks. Really. Take care,” hugging and patting their backs.
People were dancing and it started to feel really hot and unbearable. It was like there was no oxygen either. Just masses of bodies pushing against each other, bumping into him or chatting loudly between the beats.
The really high black door seemed like true salvation when coming into sight. Outside, on the hallway, there were other small groups of people, really heavy tattooed girls, piercings, foreigners too.
„Hey, do you have a cig?” this guy with eyeliner bumped into him.
„No, sorry.”
„Do you need one?”
He was just walking calmly feeling the dizziness in his head again.
„I just might have exactly what you need.”
What did this guy want from him? I mean, yes, he knew what he want, but honestly now. Annoying people...
„I really don’t have time for this...” he tried.
They started drifting away from the other people carelessly scattered all over the place, outside, on the hallway.
„It’s not even that expensive.”
Confused, he stopped. Looking to his right. Then to his left. It was this really small foyer on the floor and he didn’t remember exactly which way he came to this place.
„I can give you a discount too.” Then heard him laughing softly. „...because I like you...”
Why didn’t he at least let Shinya walk him downstairs?... This was so annoying. Him and his ideas... Ok. Fine. Let it be left and that’s that. What can happen.
„Look, seriously, I don’t have time for this. Go bug some other guy inside, ok? I’m just on my way home, so beat it.”
And with that he left, opening the door that opened into another long hallway with doors on their right and left.
The walls were white and there were these huge pipes running on the ceiling high above. The place looked old and made him think of horror movies and old abandoned British hospitals he saw in stupid movies, with strange nurses. 1930ies architecture.
Then he came across an old stone staircase going down and around a big wrought iron elevator cage with wooden doors.
He furrowed his brows having a confused look on his face. He didn’t remember passing through here when he came to this place.
He considered going back then. Or ringing Shinya? What was it? No. He did come all this way, he’ll get himself out of this.
While he decided on moving on and not taking the stairs or the elevator, he got startled a little while passing by a big door and hearing a barking little dog from the inside.
„Gods!”
The new hallway he found opened into a big foyer. And there was a change in the way the doors looked like. There was a newfound finesse and elegance in the details and the use of wood essences, followed by all these strange, really big, like 10cm in diameter door viewers. The flooring also changed its finish having one delicate rectangular pattern made of different colored ceramic tiles.
He should have listened to Shinya...
It was covered in darkness. The foyer, that is. He slowed down his pace while taking small, well thought steps and adjusting his eyes to the change. In the distance he could hear the rain tapping heavily on the glass. Here the space was rather generous, and not far away, gracefully contoured on the ceiling by one big skylight. Actually, the skylight, covered the whole big staircase and the large void between its flights spiraling down.
He was starting to get closer to the marble rail to see how many floors there still are to descend, when he heard one strange sound of movement one floor under. Then something resembling much to muffled human voices.
The rain was tapping and tapping, and light in this place was brought only by the white clouds in the sky.
He was already much sober than inside the party. All this walking and quietness made him more conscious of his surroundings if not for other reasons but to only manage to get home eventually. Get away from this place.
Now crouching, he peered carefully between the heavy decorations of the stone balusters.
He couldn’t see much though. It was because of the descendent perspective and how the slabs covered a part of his sight. Or because the source of sound was not exactly in the direction of his view...
Eventually with a bold move he straightened up and decided to leave, to take the stairs. Nothing could happen really. He just wanted to go home.
„Listen to me!”
The higher sound echoed between the cold walls almost instantly. And in that second Kyo froze. He knew that voice.
Soon after it there was another voice, but he couldn’t hear it properly mostly because by that time he was too preoccupied to get back down because Toshiya was now in sight.
Wonderful. He never liked to barge in on his friends and ruin their possible plans. So he thought now he really had a reason to go back, find the fucking way out, the one he used the first time when he came here, and not adventuring in this labyrinthic place.
He was already back on his feet and ready to leave, with his back slowly bent.
„Kaoru!”
Kaoru and Toshiya? He looked back, crouching once more. Why did they fight, why did-
Kyo was in shock. Both men were in sight. Toshiya one step lower. Still tall. Only... only...
...only fiercingly kissing Kaoru... on his mouth. Holding onto him. Having both of his wrists in his hold on either side of his body. His Toshiya, and his Kaoru. His two best friends. Especially Kaoru.
Kaoru eventually managed to escape his grip and retreat. He looked mad. And angry. And he was now on the landing, a few steps farther from where he left Toshiya standing. He looked down, towards the ground floor. Kyo couldn’t see his face now anymore. Couldn’t. Because he was blankly staring at the slippery cold finish of the stone rail in front of him. Trying to concentrate. To think.
Too much darkness. But still...
Eventually his sight shifted on his right hand and started to stare there.
One lazy thunder rolled outside in the distance. That snapped him back to reality. In the corner of his eye he saw Toshiya’s blurry form with his head lowered, his back towards him. Frozen. He didn’t want to look. Dared not to.
His legs started to hurt from the extended uncommon and forced position, so he tried to shift in a way, change the weight of his body.
In the blurry background of his sight he could see Toshiya throwing his jacket away on the stairs, an aura of long black sleeves on him. He started to move.
For a second he wanted to see. But still couldn’t. So he lowered his gaze. Looking at the flooring.
He started to feel like his heart was racing a little bit too fast and his ears deafened by the rain outside.
He dared.
Toshiya’s big arms were around Kaoru. It seemed almost like he was saying something to him, in his ear. But Kaoru’s own appearance was clothed in cold and limpness, without any reaction.
They stayed like that for a while.
Then Toshiya looked like he was saying something more while his right hand slowly started to lower.
It was Kaoru who shook violently with his whole body, turning towards him and shaking him.
In that instant Kyo shivered, with one cold feeling going through his whole body. He was not supposed to see this. It was not his right. He could feel some cool sweat forming on his forehead. He was already looking away.
What was this?
He almost felt sober. Is this real? Is this really happening?
The light coming from the skylight was decreasing lightly towards the far away hallway on the opposite side of the foyer. He could see it. One door.
His knees gave up on him. He slowly lowered himself to the ground, his thighs painfully stinging. He was with his back turned to the staircase, one hand still clinging to part of one big baluster. Kept him focused. Or that’s what he liked to think.
He closed his eyes slowly. Tried to take some deep breaths in one controlled pace. Opened his eyes. That damn pain in his temples. And the rain. So loud.
From behind he heard some muffled, rather high, voices. Couldn’t understand one bit.
He should leave. Not say anything. Not tomorrow, not ever. It was not his problem. It was not his right to barge in.
The rain started to fall slower.
And this place...it was funny...all those big door viewers pointing accusingly towards him. He felt trapped. Trapped with a burden he never chose to carry in the first place. Never wanted to be acquainted with.
He started to rub his temples gently. Felt his left foot unconsciously shaking. It was a reflex. His position and all these uncomfortable feelings.
He’ll leave. Now. Until it’ll be too late and he’ll be exposed, one way or the other.
Quietly he turned around holding the rail with both of his hands. Gods, his legs were hurting.
One glance.
One accidental glance.
ONE.
Toshiya on his knees.
Kaoru’s face not in sight. It was the slab that kept him in darkness and all those shadows underneath it.
But the repeated pacing movements were evident.
Toshiya was sucking Kaoru off
and he couldn’t breathe anymore...
Desperately looked away, closing his eyes and furrowing his brows.
The rain was back to its loud constant sound. Tapping, and tapping, and tapping. He registered it, but couldn’t fully concentrate on it.
He gripped the rail harder.
Glanced back.
Kaoru’s hands were not in sight. Only Toshiya’s head, with his unseen hands moving, and moving.
It was hypnotizing.
It was too much.
Skipping one heartbeat he felt something racing through him straight between his legs. Closed his eyes. Opened. He couldn’t look anymore.
This was passion. Raw and hidden. Dangerous and yet not totally revealing. He didn’t have all the pieces to the puzzle. Still didn’t know what was between them. Felt like, he never knew them in the first place.
They were finished.
And Toshiya, still on his knees, was now hugging Kaoru’s body with his hands around his thighs. It was a quiet scene.
Faintly he tried to put some strength into his hands. This was not his place to be.
...not his place...
Author: cateris
Pairing: not revealing it is important to the story.
Rating: R
Summary: And this place...it was funny...all those big door viewers pointing accusingly towards him. He felt trapped. Trapped with a burden he never chose to carry in the first place. Never wanted to be acquainted with.
Disclaimer: The events and characters depicted in the following piece of work are completely fictitious. Even though similarities with the members of Dir en Grey, or other public personae may be found they are in no way impling that any of the events or character traits are true. I do not know the members of Dir en Grey, and am in no way affiliated to them, the story itself is completely untrue and is in no way meant to reflect the private lives, actual practices, or activities of any persons named. No harm, libel or disrespect is intended. No statements whatsoever and no commercial gain are made out of the work archived here; this is simply for entertainment purposes.
NOTE: this is seen through Kyo's eyes and contains all the other band mates
+ LOTS OF THANKS AND LOVE TO rheakurokawa bearing with me late last night,and helping me correct stuff, instead of enjoying herself on the computer after a long day of work.
THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
“HAPPY NEW YEAR, Kyo!”
He could still feel his heart racing from being startled and woken up by Die’s loud voice and his annoying shaking on his shoulder.
„Hmm?”
„Duuude! Shinya told you not to drink that shit. HE brought it to the party. Why didn’t you believe?”
Oh yes. The party. Now he remembered. Instead of staying home and sleeping on their day off, he decided he’d take up Kaoru’s invitation of going with all the guys to this organized party. Because here there were: BOSS’ men with BOSS himself, as well as other J-rockers and friends, high school buddies and new faces. A change of scenery never hurt for a change.
„Man, you missed the fireworks. It was insane!”
Straighten up and trying not to break any glasses in the process of pulling his hands back along his body, Kyo watched how in the distance Shinya was coming towards them.
„We thought we lost you completely.”
„He’s fucking drunk and he thinks I’M drunk!”
„Whaaa?”
„It’s not New Year’s Eve, Die. And there are no fireworks. It has been raining all day since this morning,”looking straight to him.
Slowly petting Kyo dearly on his shoulder Shinya smiled at Die.
„Didn’t you know when he’s drunk he’s always damn lucid and very conscious about his surroundings?” Snorting. „He’s not like you, Die. You should’ve known that after so much time spend together, that you just can’t fool the man.”
Die was smirking mysteriously while sipping on his beer bottle.
„Never hurt to try, though...”
„So how are you feeling? ...Truly now...”
Shinya was looking at him, now crouching in front of him.
„At least the feeling of nausea did go away?”
He felt lightheaded and not exactly, truly there. It was like living a dream only more vividly.
„I think I need a glass of water.”
He was blinking slowly and soon he started to feel that damn pain in his head, from the noise, the crowd, the bass sounds in the music.
„Sure. I’ll bring you a bottle. Plus, I’ll talk with one of the girls here, there has to be someone-
„Is that Kaoru?” faintly echoed Die’s voice.
with some head painkillers.”
„He looks upset.”
By the time Shinya was back on his legs and ready to leave, Die was already gone. And it was this annoyed chick that just hit the couch when Kyo realized he lost his cigarettes. Great! But he was frustrated and didn’t give a specific shit anyway if the girl would think that he’d actually want to hit on her.
„Excuse me.”
Totally not his type. It screamed fake from the choice of clothes to the one length of her nails. She pretended she didn’t hear him.
„Excuse me, miss,” after rolling his eyes.
She really looked like she was ready to leave when:
„Look, do you happen to have any cigarettes? I lost my pack,” sincerity and annoyance in his voice.
That’s when she looked at him. At least her eyes were beautiful. Too much make-up, but beautiful enough.
She was already searching through her small tacky clutch, when Kyo looked once more towards the crowd and tried to think exactly what he was feeling. Because, truth be told, when it come to numbers, Kyo never cared about many people in one place. Just didn’t matter. Didn’t fill him with any kind of enjoyment. Even Shinya looked like he would care about parties and such.
„Here.”
„Thank you.” Not even looking, but only bowing his head a little toward her in gratitude.
Then he closed his eyes back, smoking silently. The music was so loud and had hip-hop beats. At least it was quality hip-hop which is always a bonus. He didn’t really feel his legs and it was as if the world started racing again, turning circles, and circles.
- - -
(cool feeling on his hand)
„Hey. Brought you your water. Asked the guys to put some fresh lime in it too. Hope it helps in a way.” Shinya always had something motherly and protective in himself. You could always count on him.
The couch was empty again only with him on it and now Shinya too.
„Look, I really think you should go home. It’s late, you feel like shit,” lowering his gaze in sadness and guilt, „and this is all my fault... At least listen to me now...”
Between half-lidded eyes and cool liquid purifying his insides and going straight to its temples, sending a whole wave of vibrations and pulsations to his brain, soothing it.
„What...” clearing his throat and raising his right hand holding the cigarette to his temple, rubbing there. „What time is it?”
„It’s 3:30. You came at 11:00.”
„What?” It was the noise.
„I said: it’s 3:30 and you came at 11:00! Look, I’ll just call you a cab and you’ll get back safely at your home lying in your bed! OK?” raising his voice.
It was a stupid change of colors in the light that made him close his eyes in defense. Feeling Shinya ready to leave the couch he grabbed him by his long shirt.
„No.” Shinya was already lowered in front of him „There’s no need. Some fresh cool air will do me good.”
„Kyo, but it’s raining outside like crazy. Some minutes ago there were also some nasty thunder lights.”
„Ok, so there’s also gonna be some humidity in the air...”
„You know I never appreciated your sense of joking...”
„Cute. No. Seriously now. There’s no need. In the worst case I’ll call a cab myself,” and tried to smile reassuringly.
„Ok. Have it your way. I’m bringing you the jacket,” and he left again.
Good. Raining. Some little cold. Already felt refreshed just from the thought of it. The city was really beautiful while raining and it calmed Kyo. Made him think about things, and it was a moment in time exclusively his, because, truth be told, this party consumed him and tired him and brought him no happiness in the end. Again. So he wanted some little time alone. His apartment didn’t count because that was another temple of routines and stupid habits. Always the same.
It was Kenji, who gave him the jacket, soon followed by Shinya’s presence.
„You sure you’re gonna be alright?”
„Yeah, there’s no need to worry, Shin,” while dressing himself.
„At least let me walk you outside. You’ve seen this place. It’s insane. I’ve never seen something like this,” slightly laughing, „Just in movies maybe...”
„No, no, seriously. I’ll be ok.”
Shinya was starting to look slightly guilty again having his gaze turned onto the ground.
„We’ll talk tomorrow, ok? Enjoy yourself.”
„Thanks. Really. Take care,” hugging and patting their backs.
People were dancing and it started to feel really hot and unbearable. It was like there was no oxygen either. Just masses of bodies pushing against each other, bumping into him or chatting loudly between the beats.
The really high black door seemed like true salvation when coming into sight. Outside, on the hallway, there were other small groups of people, really heavy tattooed girls, piercings, foreigners too.
„Hey, do you have a cig?” this guy with eyeliner bumped into him.
„No, sorry.”
„Do you need one?”
He was just walking calmly feeling the dizziness in his head again.
„I just might have exactly what you need.”
What did this guy want from him? I mean, yes, he knew what he want, but honestly now. Annoying people...
„I really don’t have time for this...” he tried.
They started drifting away from the other people carelessly scattered all over the place, outside, on the hallway.
„It’s not even that expensive.”
Confused, he stopped. Looking to his right. Then to his left. It was this really small foyer on the floor and he didn’t remember exactly which way he came to this place.
„I can give you a discount too.” Then heard him laughing softly. „...because I like you...”
Why didn’t he at least let Shinya walk him downstairs?... This was so annoying. Him and his ideas... Ok. Fine. Let it be left and that’s that. What can happen.
„Look, seriously, I don’t have time for this. Go bug some other guy inside, ok? I’m just on my way home, so beat it.”
And with that he left, opening the door that opened into another long hallway with doors on their right and left.
The walls were white and there were these huge pipes running on the ceiling high above. The place looked old and made him think of horror movies and old abandoned British hospitals he saw in stupid movies, with strange nurses. 1930ies architecture.
Then he came across an old stone staircase going down and around a big wrought iron elevator cage with wooden doors.
He furrowed his brows having a confused look on his face. He didn’t remember passing through here when he came to this place.
He considered going back then. Or ringing Shinya? What was it? No. He did come all this way, he’ll get himself out of this.
While he decided on moving on and not taking the stairs or the elevator, he got startled a little while passing by a big door and hearing a barking little dog from the inside.
„Gods!”
The new hallway he found opened into a big foyer. And there was a change in the way the doors looked like. There was a newfound finesse and elegance in the details and the use of wood essences, followed by all these strange, really big, like 10cm in diameter door viewers. The flooring also changed its finish having one delicate rectangular pattern made of different colored ceramic tiles.
He should have listened to Shinya...
It was covered in darkness. The foyer, that is. He slowed down his pace while taking small, well thought steps and adjusting his eyes to the change. In the distance he could hear the rain tapping heavily on the glass. Here the space was rather generous, and not far away, gracefully contoured on the ceiling by one big skylight. Actually, the skylight, covered the whole big staircase and the large void between its flights spiraling down.
He was starting to get closer to the marble rail to see how many floors there still are to descend, when he heard one strange sound of movement one floor under. Then something resembling much to muffled human voices.
The rain was tapping and tapping, and light in this place was brought only by the white clouds in the sky.
He was already much sober than inside the party. All this walking and quietness made him more conscious of his surroundings if not for other reasons but to only manage to get home eventually. Get away from this place.
Now crouching, he peered carefully between the heavy decorations of the stone balusters.
He couldn’t see much though. It was because of the descendent perspective and how the slabs covered a part of his sight. Or because the source of sound was not exactly in the direction of his view...
Eventually with a bold move he straightened up and decided to leave, to take the stairs. Nothing could happen really. He just wanted to go home.
„Listen to me!”
The higher sound echoed between the cold walls almost instantly. And in that second Kyo froze. He knew that voice.
Soon after it there was another voice, but he couldn’t hear it properly mostly because by that time he was too preoccupied to get back down because Toshiya was now in sight.
Wonderful. He never liked to barge in on his friends and ruin their possible plans. So he thought now he really had a reason to go back, find the fucking way out, the one he used the first time when he came here, and not adventuring in this labyrinthic place.
He was already back on his feet and ready to leave, with his back slowly bent.
„Kaoru!”
Kaoru and Toshiya? He looked back, crouching once more. Why did they fight, why did-
Kyo was in shock. Both men were in sight. Toshiya one step lower. Still tall. Only... only...
...only fiercingly kissing Kaoru... on his mouth. Holding onto him. Having both of his wrists in his hold on either side of his body. His Toshiya, and his Kaoru. His two best friends. Especially Kaoru.
Kaoru eventually managed to escape his grip and retreat. He looked mad. And angry. And he was now on the landing, a few steps farther from where he left Toshiya standing. He looked down, towards the ground floor. Kyo couldn’t see his face now anymore. Couldn’t. Because he was blankly staring at the slippery cold finish of the stone rail in front of him. Trying to concentrate. To think.
Too much darkness. But still...
Eventually his sight shifted on his right hand and started to stare there.
One lazy thunder rolled outside in the distance. That snapped him back to reality. In the corner of his eye he saw Toshiya’s blurry form with his head lowered, his back towards him. Frozen. He didn’t want to look. Dared not to.
His legs started to hurt from the extended uncommon and forced position, so he tried to shift in a way, change the weight of his body.
In the blurry background of his sight he could see Toshiya throwing his jacket away on the stairs, an aura of long black sleeves on him. He started to move.
For a second he wanted to see. But still couldn’t. So he lowered his gaze. Looking at the flooring.
He started to feel like his heart was racing a little bit too fast and his ears deafened by the rain outside.
He dared.
Toshiya’s big arms were around Kaoru. It seemed almost like he was saying something to him, in his ear. But Kaoru’s own appearance was clothed in cold and limpness, without any reaction.
They stayed like that for a while.
Then Toshiya looked like he was saying something more while his right hand slowly started to lower.
It was Kaoru who shook violently with his whole body, turning towards him and shaking him.
In that instant Kyo shivered, with one cold feeling going through his whole body. He was not supposed to see this. It was not his right. He could feel some cool sweat forming on his forehead. He was already looking away.
What was this?
He almost felt sober. Is this real? Is this really happening?
The light coming from the skylight was decreasing lightly towards the far away hallway on the opposite side of the foyer. He could see it. One door.
His knees gave up on him. He slowly lowered himself to the ground, his thighs painfully stinging. He was with his back turned to the staircase, one hand still clinging to part of one big baluster. Kept him focused. Or that’s what he liked to think.
He closed his eyes slowly. Tried to take some deep breaths in one controlled pace. Opened his eyes. That damn pain in his temples. And the rain. So loud.
From behind he heard some muffled, rather high, voices. Couldn’t understand one bit.
He should leave. Not say anything. Not tomorrow, not ever. It was not his problem. It was not his right to barge in.
The rain started to fall slower.
And this place...it was funny...all those big door viewers pointing accusingly towards him. He felt trapped. Trapped with a burden he never chose to carry in the first place. Never wanted to be acquainted with.
He started to rub his temples gently. Felt his left foot unconsciously shaking. It was a reflex. His position and all these uncomfortable feelings.
He’ll leave. Now. Until it’ll be too late and he’ll be exposed, one way or the other.
Quietly he turned around holding the rail with both of his hands. Gods, his legs were hurting.
One glance.
One accidental glance.
ONE.
Toshiya on his knees.
Kaoru’s face not in sight. It was the slab that kept him in darkness and all those shadows underneath it.
But the repeated pacing movements were evident.
Toshiya was sucking Kaoru off
and he couldn’t breathe anymore...
Desperately looked away, closing his eyes and furrowing his brows.
The rain was back to its loud constant sound. Tapping, and tapping, and tapping. He registered it, but couldn’t fully concentrate on it.
He gripped the rail harder.
Glanced back.
Kaoru’s hands were not in sight. Only Toshiya’s head, with his unseen hands moving, and moving.
It was hypnotizing.
It was too much.
Skipping one heartbeat he felt something racing through him straight between his legs. Closed his eyes. Opened. He couldn’t look anymore.
This was passion. Raw and hidden. Dangerous and yet not totally revealing. He didn’t have all the pieces to the puzzle. Still didn’t know what was between them. Felt like, he never knew them in the first place.
They were finished.
And Toshiya, still on his knees, was now hugging Kaoru’s body with his hands around his thighs. It was a quiet scene.
Faintly he tried to put some strength into his hands. This was not his place to be.
...not his place...