THE GAZETTE: URUHA/KAI: IMPRINTING
Title: Imprinting
Author: cateris
Pairing: Uruha/Kai (The Gazette)
Genre: sci-fi AU
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Scientists are saying the future is going to be far more futuristic than they originally predicted
Disclaimer: The events and characters depicted in the following piece of work are completely fictitious. Even though similarities with the members of The Gazette, or other public personae may be found they are in no way implying that any of the events or character traits are true. I do not know the members of The Gazette, and am in no way affiliated to them, the story itself is completely untrue and is in no way meant to reflect the private lives, actual practices, or activities of any persons named. No harm, libel or disrespect is intended. No statements whatsoever and no commercial gain are made out of the work archived here; this is simply for entertainment purposes.
NOTE: a CRAZY pinch-hitting ride written fully in one go and with the clock ticking on the wall on the last day of posting for jrockurisumasu. There are not enough words to explain what this story means for me. Writing wise I can only say: I WAS LUCKY! hahaha SO MANY PIECES COMING TOGETHER AT ONCE LIKE WITH MAGIC; SO MUCH SECRET BACKGROUND, SO MUCH INDIRECT INSPIRATION FROM rheakurokawa's links, HELEN'S TUMBLR, SO MUCH LUCK WITH THE NEW MUSIC I DISCOVERED LIKE THROUGH MAGIC (ohgod, this challenge I realized I'm actually apparently dependent of music lol; a picture prompt only wouldn't simply do for me anymore). This literally wrote itself and I have not enough words to express my OWN happiness for having finally the chance to put down this story on paper. Without jrockurisumasu this wouldn't seen the light of day maybe ever.
+ great thanks to rheakurokawa for English betaing this as soon as I finished it <3 AND for the title idea :)
I'm a room. I'm nothing but a room. Every once a week I get the chance to see them. Born on February 1, 2501 I'm the youngest of my family. Last floor of Sphere Z52, room 232. That's me.
Hand on the door handle, pressing it open, Uruha is too early. Lately he comes three hours sharp earlier although it has never been always like this. In the beginning there were no hours, which in time become half hours, one hours, one and a half hours, gradually just a little bit more hours. Always more. He finds Kai rested with the back against the bedroom wall, his legs resting on the floor. He finds Kai nonfunctional, off, sleeping, how humans like to call it so they can pretend they are respectful too, his hands to his sides, eyelids closed, mouth silent, smile not in place.
He sits opposite to Kai, right at the base of the bed, the side of his torso leaned against it, pillowing his head over his bent arm on the edge of the mattress, bringing his feet closer, leaving the last drops of rain from outside to drip and slide down on his neck and off from his fingers. This is how he spends his hours before his meetings with Kai. This is how he spends his time and more of his money on Kai.
-
They don't see reality as it is. Where there is grit and darkness and too much weakened humanity morphed into the most twisted of ways they see something else, always better, always in light and hope and idealism. This is how they've been programmed and this is how they saved humanity, selling them dreams and inspiring them to always live on.
Nobody knows how they perceive reality, not even their creators. They're results of generative binary system and applied systemic thinking; they're small children always seeing the best in things.
-
It's his first day of work and he's already late. Pedaling his bicycle desperately Uruha is trying not to cause any more damage around him (two Spheres away he managed to hit two people minding their own business and carrying their crates of fruits and tomatoes). In his back pocket he still has his bicycle speeding ticket that he graced himself with yesterday, before the job interview that he needs to pay today; he doesn't know how he always manages to be the most clumsy and careless of persons.
The road rubs off more and more bits of its surface under the heated rubber wheels. Blinking red, blue, golden yellow, a whole rainbow of colors for the eyes to be hypnotized, in the warm night the street signs give you company, the commercial holograms invite you to spend your time in their world and to forget your worries.
His bicycle positioning system announces him of statistics and shortcuts, graphics and numbers, more numbers, more logic and ways to shorten the kilometers he needs to carry. Sweat drips from his forehead sliding down temples, his skin is oily and heated and all he can think of is that he hasn't managed to eat breakfast today and that there are already eight hours since then and Reita had told him to at least drink the Source-Free pack for an extra boost at least. The big, red, twelve feet high model of Jun the Red King Crab hanging out of the wall of a living unit moves its claws, scissoring open and closed, open and closed, reminding Uruha of the 24h schedule of the successful fast food chain and how he could grab a bite on his way.
When he reaches the stop he makes sure the policeman won't recognize him. With Uruha's driving skills, he already has a background with the man and he knows how he likes to brag whenever he brings a new girlfriend making fun of Uruha in front of her at the police station. So instead he looks up at the complicated, tangled webs of dotted snake lights of FAST600's, the way they remind him of his ancestors' old fairy tale tablets full of stories, of ancient dragons and talking Gods, the way he always loved their colors.
-
Only two types of people can enter Sphere Z52: the wealthy and powerful heads of society and the workers. The thinkers do not consider themselves human anymore and they take the lower levels of the sphere, underwater. This is the district of brain and communication, ideals and creativity, innovation and forward-thinking. Kai is neither. Kai is active five hours per day for his Open Dialogue services, Reading and Philosophy. Unless you don't have a status in the society and enough money you cannot meet Kai. Kai is not unique though, he's just another from his kind that Sunken-JAPAN had come up with half a century ago. Sphere Z52 is the sphere district were Uruha works.
-
When Uruha enters the door Kai is already smiling. He greets him with a warm "Hello, Uruha-san," and he comes closer. Lately it has been worrisome to Uruha to manage to keep Kai away from him. He's here to keep room 232 clean and functional, to adjust the lights at their right intensity, to always keep the food fresh for the customers, to make sure everything is in order.
"Uruha-san has rays swaying over his face."
Uruha escapes that same confused breath, his brows furrowing just a little. His hair is black, it has always been black, but since he met Kai he had to always listen about this other person who had blond hair, red hair, golden hair, white hair and so on. Never black. It was always a different color. White was the day his mother died and he still had to come to work. Yellow was when he met with Reita's boyfriend, Aoi, this big mouth dude who stamped him with his first impression, not understanding a bit about Uruha, but liking to think he knows everything about him. Red was just after he scored in the Pleasures district, where he sometimes had enough money to drop by once every month. Blond was in the days he had no particular desire to leave the bed in the mornings when the sun was not even up yet. Golden was when-
With his hand he brushes away the untamed strands of hair from his face. He keeps it cool and minds his own business. "How was today?" He thinks Kai knows something, that he knows how he secretly comes earlier only to watch him being there.
"Mmmm..." Kai makes a face like he's thinking. Uruha knows he can't remember anything. He feels like a jerk for asking in the first place.
"Nevermind."
They can't remember anything from their previous wakes, from their meetings with their visitors. This is how confidentiality is always being kept.
He looks at Kai's hand and he has such a painful urge to grab it in his. Yet he moves further inside the room and starts doing the check-ups. The first three hours at least are always work, Kai curiously watching him, studying and learning.
"How does the room look today?" he asks Kai. He knows he likes this question. Kai always loves to talk about what he sees, yet he never speaks if not asked. Kai's lost face brightens; Uruha's heart skips a beat.
"There are bright pink and green sounds. It's a never ending structure of hexagonal concavities that move together when one cell reduces its size and another goes bigger. It's like a living organism breathing."
Uruha goes at the main panel, gets his hand inside the reader for the DNA scan. After confirmation he begins the manual check and looks at the graphic of activities he has to perform today.
"Uruha-san left a stardust flower on the window. It kept me company until Uruha-san came."
His heart thumps in his ribcage. "What?"
"The bedroom window. The one facing the Palace of Science."
Today he needed support. When he left the room Kai was still sleeping in he wanted to touch something instead of trying to reach out for him. He wanted to write something on the glass window. It was stupid and he left the print of his palm behind.
He tries to think of things to say.
"Oh! Uruha-san is so beautiful. Uruha-san has golden hair now."
"What kind of flower?" He finds it so hard to speak. He's terrified.
Kai stutters for a moment and looks past him. His eyes read the changing patterns behind Uruha, enjoy the seeping of pink in green, the hexagonal turning to cones. He even forgets about answering Uruha.
-
"What did you do?"
Uruha's paranoid mind turns to face Reita's question. "What?"
Aoi brings the tequila to the table and the little bowl with dry fish, in the background the people are dancing and changing identities.
"You did something, I know you did. Ever since you came back from work you have this face," Reita turns to Aoi, "doesn't he?" Aoi nods although he barely heard what Reita said. "Come on, Uruha, you have that same face you had when you broke your mom's little Buddha she had from her grandmother."
"I didn't do anything," he lies. He takes one of the new shots Aoi brought to the table down his throat and he repeats the same line unconvincingly. "Just mind your own business."
Aoi looks away not wanting to interfere. The bond between Reita and Uruha goes long way back that in times like these it makes Aoi feel out of their circle, out of place.
-
Floor 26 has a lake. At least that's how Kai sees it.
Floor 26 is the size of a whole district, the median of the Sphere, the water floor that keeps the balance of the upper floors and the underwater floors. Spheres float on water. Median floors are the floors that keep them balanced and stopping them from the possible disaster of starting to roll. The weight of water on Floor 26 keeps the ground still and the whole structure from swaying. Here there is a forest of solid tall columns holding the ceiling, joining the up with the down. Columns on the circulation areas, columns in the water, a web of verticals going forever in the distance. You can hear the echo on Floor 26.
They're not supposed to be here and Uruha is afraid he might lose his job, but Kai persuaded him to show him places inside the Sphere, he had made him promise he will.
Kai stays with his eyes closed and smiles close to the water. He tells Uruha about the grid of colorful lights that make the ceiling, the way the water tastes sweet, and how to the touch the water leaves itself to be pet.
Kai is too quick for him to jump in the water and Uruha panics when he sees the horror happening before his eyes. He jumps in right on the spot as if Kai's gonna drown, as if Kai had never seen water and he'll die because he doesn't know how to swim.
He forgets Kai's not human.
Kai is laughing like mad and spitting the water he had been swallowing out right into his face. His body shakes with laughter and is up for games in Uruha's angry and firm hold, he doesn't see how upset and worried Uruha is.
"Never do something like this, you hear me?"
He shakes Kai and he feels how his clothes make it harder to move. He brings them close to the side of the basin and waits for his heart to cease beating so damn hard.
"What's wrong with you?" he scolds Kai coldly. "I could lose my job if anything happens to you, I could-" he trails off.
Kai watches him.
"You scared me," he can't bring his eyes to face Kai. They're so close and it's almost like he's the one holding on to Kai and not the other way around.
"Are you cold?"
"Is Uruha-san cold?"
His heart sinks and he knows he shouldn't be looking at Kai's lips right now. He brushes Kai's plastered hair out of his eyes and forehead instead.
"You know..."
How do you start a confession?
"Kai, I think..."
He rests his eyes on the white tiles covering the basin.
"Please try to understand what I want to say now, please try to hear it. Can you do that? Can you Kai?" He looks for his attention in his eyes. He doesn't know what to make out of his smiles. He's always so lost in his smiles lately.
"Kai I really like you, I-"
The sound starts to fade. Kai can't hear him. It's always like this. Whenever Uruha tries to talk about his feelings or about love Kai can't hear him anymore. It's like someone gradually steals his sound making him deaf, leaving him lost only to lean on image, on the way Uruha seems so upset right now and his hair color is ever changing and Kai does announce Uruha that he can't hear him anymore and what does Uruha-san say? Uruha going silent for a moment, almost feeling like breaking down in front of him, smashing something. It's not only that he's not hearing him anymore, but half of him starts to shut down. One day Uruha tried so hard that Kai shut down completely in the end. He did cry that day.
He doesn't give up now, he continues to talk, he continues to say what he has on his heart, it's all about him, about Kai. He continues his monologue while Kai once in a while leaves an innocent Uruha-san? to slip out, calling out on him, his smile starting to fade more and more, I can't hear you, Uruha-san.
He knows what he has to do. He discovered it the day Reita knew something happened. He doesn't like to do it and to use it because it feels like cheating in a way, it makes him feel like he's the bad wolf here.
Under the water the fingers of his hand search for Kai's hand. Even before Kai starts to close his eyes he grabs a hold of it, grabs it tight and makes another human wish, a silly, childish wish. He buries his head next to Kai's neck and takes him in an embrace, holding him by the hand, not once stopping from telling what he feels.
The water is sapphire blue and shining with little dots of light underneath the surface. The ceiling is a cathedral of light blinking discontinuously, like talking to Kai and telling him secrets.
He still can't hear him, but Kai starts to feel. There's a warmness pooling inside, starting to surface, it's a feeling that first time he had it he was terrified of and it made him hold tighter on Uruha, so tight that it left Uruha with a crushed hand, with a visit to the doctor, with some days off and Reita throwing him a fit because they couldn't afford this.
Kai hears seagulls screeching that are not there, wind, in the water sees fishes waving in groups. He starts feeling the water cold.
What's the sketch for the theory of the emotion? Sartre tried one.
Kai feels Uruha. Through his hand he doesn't even need to hear his words anymore, all that he needs it's sealed in that simple connection of skin on skin. A concentration of hyperdensity of private meanings and intimate fragments of Uruha course through him, making him pull Uruha closer, see his confused face, his wondering eyes that are afraid of what Kai might do, see the lips that maybe give away one last question Kai still can't hear.
Kai's lips touch and permeate Uruha's last thoughts before they all explode in sunrays of bright colors Kai has no name for as his system does not know how to name them outside of human words.
-
At the station he takes SLOW300; he cannot afford more. He's having his heart boxed in a dot, his chest hurting from so much contraction, for so much happiness built up inside. He wants to call Reita, but he knows he shouldn't talk about this not even with him, he doesn't want to put Reita in danger. So he takes long and calming deep breaths while his mind keeps repeating what his body memorized from Kai. He starts to shake with his whole body and he gives away a nervous laugh, the one that tells him he should better take a grip of himself. He hears the way the wheels from the tube whine under the rails, the compartments sway and grunt, screech their old, worn metal. Outside the city is sleeping, but the buildings keep company. Human units for living come and go fast, barely leaving the eye to take in their shape, the standardized cells of cheap homes gathered in hills of biomorphic eco shapes with the green plants on the suspended balconies that comes with the key. In the background, more Spheres show up farther away, shiny and majestic, with their lightweight carbon fibers and smart fibers and who-knows-what fibers surface. FAST600 dashes suddenly over them and two more show on different tracks, running together, then parting their ways in the distance. The light changes from orange to violet in the compartment and Uruha knows this is the sign for 4am. Reita will be pissed in the morning.
Author: cateris
Pairing: Uruha/Kai (The Gazette)
Genre: sci-fi AU
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Scientists are saying the future is going to be far more futuristic than they originally predicted
Disclaimer: The events and characters depicted in the following piece of work are completely fictitious. Even though similarities with the members of The Gazette, or other public personae may be found they are in no way implying that any of the events or character traits are true. I do not know the members of The Gazette, and am in no way affiliated to them, the story itself is completely untrue and is in no way meant to reflect the private lives, actual practices, or activities of any persons named. No harm, libel or disrespect is intended. No statements whatsoever and no commercial gain are made out of the work archived here; this is simply for entertainment purposes.
NOTE: a CRAZY pinch-hitting ride written fully in one go and with the clock ticking on the wall on the last day of posting for jrockurisumasu. There are not enough words to explain what this story means for me. Writing wise I can only say: I WAS LUCKY! hahaha SO MANY PIECES COMING TOGETHER AT ONCE LIKE WITH MAGIC; SO MUCH SECRET BACKGROUND, SO MUCH INDIRECT INSPIRATION FROM rheakurokawa's links, HELEN'S TUMBLR, SO MUCH LUCK WITH THE NEW MUSIC I DISCOVERED LIKE THROUGH MAGIC (ohgod, this challenge I realized I'm actually apparently dependent of music lol; a picture prompt only wouldn't simply do for me anymore). This literally wrote itself and I have not enough words to express my OWN happiness for having finally the chance to put down this story on paper. Without jrockurisumasu this wouldn't seen the light of day maybe ever.
+ great thanks to rheakurokawa for English betaing this as soon as I finished it <3 AND for the title idea :)
I'm a room. I'm nothing but a room. Every once a week I get the chance to see them. Born on February 1, 2501 I'm the youngest of my family. Last floor of Sphere Z52, room 232. That's me.
Hand on the door handle, pressing it open, Uruha is too early. Lately he comes three hours sharp earlier although it has never been always like this. In the beginning there were no hours, which in time become half hours, one hours, one and a half hours, gradually just a little bit more hours. Always more. He finds Kai rested with the back against the bedroom wall, his legs resting on the floor. He finds Kai nonfunctional, off, sleeping, how humans like to call it so they can pretend they are respectful too, his hands to his sides, eyelids closed, mouth silent, smile not in place.
He sits opposite to Kai, right at the base of the bed, the side of his torso leaned against it, pillowing his head over his bent arm on the edge of the mattress, bringing his feet closer, leaving the last drops of rain from outside to drip and slide down on his neck and off from his fingers. This is how he spends his hours before his meetings with Kai. This is how he spends his time and more of his money on Kai.
-
They don't see reality as it is. Where there is grit and darkness and too much weakened humanity morphed into the most twisted of ways they see something else, always better, always in light and hope and idealism. This is how they've been programmed and this is how they saved humanity, selling them dreams and inspiring them to always live on.
Nobody knows how they perceive reality, not even their creators. They're results of generative binary system and applied systemic thinking; they're small children always seeing the best in things.
-
It's his first day of work and he's already late. Pedaling his bicycle desperately Uruha is trying not to cause any more damage around him (two Spheres away he managed to hit two people minding their own business and carrying their crates of fruits and tomatoes). In his back pocket he still has his bicycle speeding ticket that he graced himself with yesterday, before the job interview that he needs to pay today; he doesn't know how he always manages to be the most clumsy and careless of persons.
The road rubs off more and more bits of its surface under the heated rubber wheels. Blinking red, blue, golden yellow, a whole rainbow of colors for the eyes to be hypnotized, in the warm night the street signs give you company, the commercial holograms invite you to spend your time in their world and to forget your worries.
His bicycle positioning system announces him of statistics and shortcuts, graphics and numbers, more numbers, more logic and ways to shorten the kilometers he needs to carry. Sweat drips from his forehead sliding down temples, his skin is oily and heated and all he can think of is that he hasn't managed to eat breakfast today and that there are already eight hours since then and Reita had told him to at least drink the Source-Free pack for an extra boost at least. The big, red, twelve feet high model of Jun the Red King Crab hanging out of the wall of a living unit moves its claws, scissoring open and closed, open and closed, reminding Uruha of the 24h schedule of the successful fast food chain and how he could grab a bite on his way.
When he reaches the stop he makes sure the policeman won't recognize him. With Uruha's driving skills, he already has a background with the man and he knows how he likes to brag whenever he brings a new girlfriend making fun of Uruha in front of her at the police station. So instead he looks up at the complicated, tangled webs of dotted snake lights of FAST600's, the way they remind him of his ancestors' old fairy tale tablets full of stories, of ancient dragons and talking Gods, the way he always loved their colors.
-
Only two types of people can enter Sphere Z52: the wealthy and powerful heads of society and the workers. The thinkers do not consider themselves human anymore and they take the lower levels of the sphere, underwater. This is the district of brain and communication, ideals and creativity, innovation and forward-thinking. Kai is neither. Kai is active five hours per day for his Open Dialogue services, Reading and Philosophy. Unless you don't have a status in the society and enough money you cannot meet Kai. Kai is not unique though, he's just another from his kind that Sunken-JAPAN had come up with half a century ago. Sphere Z52 is the sphere district were Uruha works.
-
When Uruha enters the door Kai is already smiling. He greets him with a warm "Hello, Uruha-san," and he comes closer. Lately it has been worrisome to Uruha to manage to keep Kai away from him. He's here to keep room 232 clean and functional, to adjust the lights at their right intensity, to always keep the food fresh for the customers, to make sure everything is in order.
"Uruha-san has rays swaying over his face."
Uruha escapes that same confused breath, his brows furrowing just a little. His hair is black, it has always been black, but since he met Kai he had to always listen about this other person who had blond hair, red hair, golden hair, white hair and so on. Never black. It was always a different color. White was the day his mother died and he still had to come to work. Yellow was when he met with Reita's boyfriend, Aoi, this big mouth dude who stamped him with his first impression, not understanding a bit about Uruha, but liking to think he knows everything about him. Red was just after he scored in the Pleasures district, where he sometimes had enough money to drop by once every month. Blond was in the days he had no particular desire to leave the bed in the mornings when the sun was not even up yet. Golden was when-
With his hand he brushes away the untamed strands of hair from his face. He keeps it cool and minds his own business. "How was today?" He thinks Kai knows something, that he knows how he secretly comes earlier only to watch him being there.
"Mmmm..." Kai makes a face like he's thinking. Uruha knows he can't remember anything. He feels like a jerk for asking in the first place.
"Nevermind."
They can't remember anything from their previous wakes, from their meetings with their visitors. This is how confidentiality is always being kept.
He looks at Kai's hand and he has such a painful urge to grab it in his. Yet he moves further inside the room and starts doing the check-ups. The first three hours at least are always work, Kai curiously watching him, studying and learning.
"How does the room look today?" he asks Kai. He knows he likes this question. Kai always loves to talk about what he sees, yet he never speaks if not asked. Kai's lost face brightens; Uruha's heart skips a beat.
"There are bright pink and green sounds. It's a never ending structure of hexagonal concavities that move together when one cell reduces its size and another goes bigger. It's like a living organism breathing."
Uruha goes at the main panel, gets his hand inside the reader for the DNA scan. After confirmation he begins the manual check and looks at the graphic of activities he has to perform today.
"Uruha-san left a stardust flower on the window. It kept me company until Uruha-san came."
His heart thumps in his ribcage. "What?"
"The bedroom window. The one facing the Palace of Science."
Today he needed support. When he left the room Kai was still sleeping in he wanted to touch something instead of trying to reach out for him. He wanted to write something on the glass window. It was stupid and he left the print of his palm behind.
He tries to think of things to say.
"Oh! Uruha-san is so beautiful. Uruha-san has golden hair now."
"What kind of flower?" He finds it so hard to speak. He's terrified.
Kai stutters for a moment and looks past him. His eyes read the changing patterns behind Uruha, enjoy the seeping of pink in green, the hexagonal turning to cones. He even forgets about answering Uruha.
-
"What did you do?"
Uruha's paranoid mind turns to face Reita's question. "What?"
Aoi brings the tequila to the table and the little bowl with dry fish, in the background the people are dancing and changing identities.
"You did something, I know you did. Ever since you came back from work you have this face," Reita turns to Aoi, "doesn't he?" Aoi nods although he barely heard what Reita said. "Come on, Uruha, you have that same face you had when you broke your mom's little Buddha she had from her grandmother."
"I didn't do anything," he lies. He takes one of the new shots Aoi brought to the table down his throat and he repeats the same line unconvincingly. "Just mind your own business."
Aoi looks away not wanting to interfere. The bond between Reita and Uruha goes long way back that in times like these it makes Aoi feel out of their circle, out of place.
-
Floor 26 has a lake. At least that's how Kai sees it.
Floor 26 is the size of a whole district, the median of the Sphere, the water floor that keeps the balance of the upper floors and the underwater floors. Spheres float on water. Median floors are the floors that keep them balanced and stopping them from the possible disaster of starting to roll. The weight of water on Floor 26 keeps the ground still and the whole structure from swaying. Here there is a forest of solid tall columns holding the ceiling, joining the up with the down. Columns on the circulation areas, columns in the water, a web of verticals going forever in the distance. You can hear the echo on Floor 26.
They're not supposed to be here and Uruha is afraid he might lose his job, but Kai persuaded him to show him places inside the Sphere, he had made him promise he will.
Kai stays with his eyes closed and smiles close to the water. He tells Uruha about the grid of colorful lights that make the ceiling, the way the water tastes sweet, and how to the touch the water leaves itself to be pet.
Kai is too quick for him to jump in the water and Uruha panics when he sees the horror happening before his eyes. He jumps in right on the spot as if Kai's gonna drown, as if Kai had never seen water and he'll die because he doesn't know how to swim.
He forgets Kai's not human.
Kai is laughing like mad and spitting the water he had been swallowing out right into his face. His body shakes with laughter and is up for games in Uruha's angry and firm hold, he doesn't see how upset and worried Uruha is.
"Never do something like this, you hear me?"
He shakes Kai and he feels how his clothes make it harder to move. He brings them close to the side of the basin and waits for his heart to cease beating so damn hard.
"What's wrong with you?" he scolds Kai coldly. "I could lose my job if anything happens to you, I could-" he trails off.
Kai watches him.
"You scared me," he can't bring his eyes to face Kai. They're so close and it's almost like he's the one holding on to Kai and not the other way around.
"Are you cold?"
"Is Uruha-san cold?"
His heart sinks and he knows he shouldn't be looking at Kai's lips right now. He brushes Kai's plastered hair out of his eyes and forehead instead.
"You know..."
How do you start a confession?
"Kai, I think..."
He rests his eyes on the white tiles covering the basin.
"Please try to understand what I want to say now, please try to hear it. Can you do that? Can you Kai?" He looks for his attention in his eyes. He doesn't know what to make out of his smiles. He's always so lost in his smiles lately.
"Kai I really like you, I-"
The sound starts to fade. Kai can't hear him. It's always like this. Whenever Uruha tries to talk about his feelings or about love Kai can't hear him anymore. It's like someone gradually steals his sound making him deaf, leaving him lost only to lean on image, on the way Uruha seems so upset right now and his hair color is ever changing and Kai does announce Uruha that he can't hear him anymore and what does Uruha-san say? Uruha going silent for a moment, almost feeling like breaking down in front of him, smashing something. It's not only that he's not hearing him anymore, but half of him starts to shut down. One day Uruha tried so hard that Kai shut down completely in the end. He did cry that day.
He doesn't give up now, he continues to talk, he continues to say what he has on his heart, it's all about him, about Kai. He continues his monologue while Kai once in a while leaves an innocent Uruha-san? to slip out, calling out on him, his smile starting to fade more and more, I can't hear you, Uruha-san.
He knows what he has to do. He discovered it the day Reita knew something happened. He doesn't like to do it and to use it because it feels like cheating in a way, it makes him feel like he's the bad wolf here.
Under the water the fingers of his hand search for Kai's hand. Even before Kai starts to close his eyes he grabs a hold of it, grabs it tight and makes another human wish, a silly, childish wish. He buries his head next to Kai's neck and takes him in an embrace, holding him by the hand, not once stopping from telling what he feels.
The water is sapphire blue and shining with little dots of light underneath the surface. The ceiling is a cathedral of light blinking discontinuously, like talking to Kai and telling him secrets.
He still can't hear him, but Kai starts to feel. There's a warmness pooling inside, starting to surface, it's a feeling that first time he had it he was terrified of and it made him hold tighter on Uruha, so tight that it left Uruha with a crushed hand, with a visit to the doctor, with some days off and Reita throwing him a fit because they couldn't afford this.
Kai hears seagulls screeching that are not there, wind, in the water sees fishes waving in groups. He starts feeling the water cold.
What's the sketch for the theory of the emotion? Sartre tried one.
Kai feels Uruha. Through his hand he doesn't even need to hear his words anymore, all that he needs it's sealed in that simple connection of skin on skin. A concentration of hyperdensity of private meanings and intimate fragments of Uruha course through him, making him pull Uruha closer, see his confused face, his wondering eyes that are afraid of what Kai might do, see the lips that maybe give away one last question Kai still can't hear.
Kai's lips touch and permeate Uruha's last thoughts before they all explode in sunrays of bright colors Kai has no name for as his system does not know how to name them outside of human words.
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At the station he takes SLOW300; he cannot afford more. He's having his heart boxed in a dot, his chest hurting from so much contraction, for so much happiness built up inside. He wants to call Reita, but he knows he shouldn't talk about this not even with him, he doesn't want to put Reita in danger. So he takes long and calming deep breaths while his mind keeps repeating what his body memorized from Kai. He starts to shake with his whole body and he gives away a nervous laugh, the one that tells him he should better take a grip of himself. He hears the way the wheels from the tube whine under the rails, the compartments sway and grunt, screech their old, worn metal. Outside the city is sleeping, but the buildings keep company. Human units for living come and go fast, barely leaving the eye to take in their shape, the standardized cells of cheap homes gathered in hills of biomorphic eco shapes with the green plants on the suspended balconies that comes with the key. In the background, more Spheres show up farther away, shiny and majestic, with their lightweight carbon fibers and smart fibers and who-knows-what fibers surface. FAST600 dashes suddenly over them and two more show on different tracks, running together, then parting their ways in the distance. The light changes from orange to violet in the compartment and Uruha knows this is the sign for 4am. Reita will be pissed in the morning.
