no one else can speak the words on ur lips
im mad at mark. he sux. i hate him, but i love him. its so stupid i know. i need psychological help. i need to get out of this circle and get out of my habit. anyways im still really sore from the surgery and unfortunately im almost done with my vicodin and its the only medicine that really takes my pain away. except my heart is still breaking and i have really bad headaches and my back is killing me so idk. life sux right now but its slowly gonna get better and i believe that.
anyways im mad at mark bc hes never gonna be that person i need, hes never gonna really show an interest in my life, hes never gonna call when he says he will, hes never gonna always be there for me. it sux hes not the one i need but hes the only one i love. hes my first real love, my first real heartbreak, my first real regret, my first real special someone. i wish i knew what to do. idk how women do it you know, i mean the wives of all the army men, the wives of all those men that died during war. idk how they do it. is love the only thing they really survive on? is it patience? is it the belief that love can conquor anything or is it there was no one else and this was the life they chose???? oh idk. i know i wanna marry mark, i know i wanna be there for him, i know he needs me and i know he wants to be with me too. its just i feel that what i feel for him he will never feel back for me. idk. only time will tell, until then i will cry myself to sleep and waste my time thinking of him and wondering if hes thinking of me too.....
im pathetic i know. but isnt ever1 when they are in love?
love is evol. hahah ok anyways so next thursday i get to go to chicago and i get to miss all my family traditions and miss being with this family but owell bc im making christmas at my dads house. im gonna make christmas dinner and im gonna hold my head high and im gonna get through this. idk its cold and my hands are freezing here in this library. lately i havent been sleeping. during the night i waste in sighs of regret and my pillow drowns in my tears and then during the day i have to many things to do that i seldom get done and just yea. idk lol im drifting away from everything i once knew and im in this place that i cant get out of. idk ugh i need my computer im going crazy. i have so many things i wanna say. so many people i wanna talk to and coming to the library just sux. idk but in chicago i will have a computer there so hopefully i wont have to fight with my brothers and sister to use it. ugh 10 days with a hundred kids oh dear god save me now. ok well have a good day every1 laters.
anyways im mad at mark bc hes never gonna be that person i need, hes never gonna really show an interest in my life, hes never gonna call when he says he will, hes never gonna always be there for me. it sux hes not the one i need but hes the only one i love. hes my first real love, my first real heartbreak, my first real regret, my first real special someone. i wish i knew what to do. idk how women do it you know, i mean the wives of all the army men, the wives of all those men that died during war. idk how they do it. is love the only thing they really survive on? is it patience? is it the belief that love can conquor anything or is it there was no one else and this was the life they chose???? oh idk. i know i wanna marry mark, i know i wanna be there for him, i know he needs me and i know he wants to be with me too. its just i feel that what i feel for him he will never feel back for me. idk. only time will tell, until then i will cry myself to sleep and waste my time thinking of him and wondering if hes thinking of me too.....
im pathetic i know. but isnt ever1 when they are in love?
love is evol. hahah ok anyways so next thursday i get to go to chicago and i get to miss all my family traditions and miss being with this family but owell bc im making christmas at my dads house. im gonna make christmas dinner and im gonna hold my head high and im gonna get through this. idk its cold and my hands are freezing here in this library. lately i havent been sleeping. during the night i waste in sighs of regret and my pillow drowns in my tears and then during the day i have to many things to do that i seldom get done and just yea. idk lol im drifting away from everything i once knew and im in this place that i cant get out of. idk ugh i need my computer im going crazy. i have so many things i wanna say. so many people i wanna talk to and coming to the library just sux. idk but in chicago i will have a computer there so hopefully i wont have to fight with my brothers and sister to use it. ugh 10 days with a hundred kids oh dear god save me now. ok well have a good day every1 laters.