21st birthday
i guess its starting to become a trend that every year i grow older, i revert back to my old LJ days...Everything comes to a surface by your birthday, at least it has always been that way in my adult life. So I am turning 21 in 2 days and seriously I could care less. My father has once again denoted me to not even being worth having a part of his life. He takes every financial thing and turns it into a crisis...What a shame he has chosen not to be a part of my life, again. I feel like I am reliving high school, we were doing so good...his dad dies the other day and i get screamed at for trying to buy a dress for the funeral. It hurts me so much I cannot have a relationship with my father because of his anger issues- mostly always over money. He would never deem me an alcoholic if there were not a 20 charge on my credit card at a bar...he tries to rule my life. I cant handle the harassing and degrading statements, so I just told him to spend all his money on himself and please just leave me be...Now i will never see my own dad again. My grandfather having died makes my life just stand still. I was supposed to see him, and I came too late- and then my father leaves me out of the funeral. I swear I cant stand him, just sad I have to endure such a bs 'family' situation. I dont have one. What sucks more than anything is I am dead broke because my dad said he would give me some money for my birthday and now I have nothing and I will be 21. My job involves spending so much money that its almost unrealistic to make anything, especially when your contact refuses to answer his phone. I have been inside my apt for 4 days now trying to format an application to get a promotion and if I dont get it, I have a very big feeling I will do something crazy. Seriously, no one wants to live in east austin alone in a city that just keeps proving me right. I am in need of a change, figuring out my game plan to leave will be hectic, but I am a super strong girl...and I CAN handle anything. Life is too short, get up and make it happen. The best thing I could do is just dust it off, and go my own way. I got an iMac, that is probably the only thing keeping my head up right now- there is so much to learn on it, and I am actually very good at creating things. I know I will figure out where my life is headed, and looking back at these entries later always makes me laugh.