11:11...fuck.
I'm fantasizing.
About cigarettes and drinking until I pass out and lots and lots of sex and running around the city barefoot with no coat in the cold and comas that make me forget. I am wanting and needing everything that's bad for me. I need to be promiscuous and cowardly for just a little while, because I never ever am. I want to feel something that's base and primal and isn't this stupid fluffy never-returned love shit. I want to take, for once, to take and take and take and gorge myself on life because I give and give and give and my soul is wrinkled and dry and hurting and it aches because no one will love me. And it aches even worse because, every time someone tries, I push them away.
I am stupid.
I break and kill everything I touch and I drive people away.
And there's nothing to go home to.
And I beg for water and then throw it in your face.
I ask you the questions I know it will kill me to hear you answer.
I make sure that I trap you into admitting things you probably didn't want to.
And I make absolutely certain that I hurt you as much as possible before you hurt me.
About cigarettes and drinking until I pass out and lots and lots of sex and running around the city barefoot with no coat in the cold and comas that make me forget. I am wanting and needing everything that's bad for me. I need to be promiscuous and cowardly for just a little while, because I never ever am. I want to feel something that's base and primal and isn't this stupid fluffy never-returned love shit. I want to take, for once, to take and take and take and gorge myself on life because I give and give and give and my soul is wrinkled and dry and hurting and it aches because no one will love me. And it aches even worse because, every time someone tries, I push them away.
I am stupid.
I break and kill everything I touch and I drive people away.
And there's nothing to go home to.
And I beg for water and then throw it in your face.
I ask you the questions I know it will kill me to hear you answer.
I make sure that I trap you into admitting things you probably didn't want to.
And I make absolutely certain that I hurt you as much as possible before you hurt me.