It's Done.
Well I did it. I talked to Alex, though I dont know if it was a good idea or not. It might have helped me a little, like it stopped me from hurting in one way, but it caused a whole new category of pain. He wants space. Okay he can have his damn space. But its going to come at the cost of our friendship. Thats the only way I know how to give something like that to anyone. For me, when you're as close to someone as I thought alex and I were (and maybe just anyone) they're a part of your life. When suddenly you cant talk to them, see them, or anything, that hurts. The only way to stop that pain is to stop thinking about them, and the only way to do that is to stop trying and wanting to be their friend. So he wants space. Well he's got it. I hope he is sure that it's what he wanted. I personally wouldnt be willing to pay that price for it but I guess he is.
I went home from school today cuz I was an emotional wreck. I am sick of hurting. I am sick of crying. When I came home I was crying hysterically. Everything just hurt so badly because I know what I had to do and I didnt want to do it. The only way I was able to stop hurting was to go to sleep - so I did, I slept through the rest of the school day. Maybe I should just go back to bed. Maybe not. I think I need to learn how to be awake and stop hurting. I just need to forget about him. So thats what I am going to try to do.
I went home from school today cuz I was an emotional wreck. I am sick of hurting. I am sick of crying. When I came home I was crying hysterically. Everything just hurt so badly because I know what I had to do and I didnt want to do it. The only way I was able to stop hurting was to go to sleep - so I did, I slept through the rest of the school day. Maybe I should just go back to bed. Maybe not. I think I need to learn how to be awake and stop hurting. I just need to forget about him. So thats what I am going to try to do.