Everything and Anything....
I want to start writing again. I'm not sure what, but I know that I miss it.
Even if it is just blogging, I just feel like I've just got a lot of...stuff...in my head, that I need to get out.
I've had most of a bottle of wine tonight and I feel relaxed but strangely nostalgic. At the moment I can't seem to find the motivation I need to get studying. My dissertation had been desserted and I haven't really started working on my assignments for this semester.
My life with Russell feels like it hasn't really started yet. I feel like I'm waiting for it to start. While we live 300 miles apart it's like we're on hold, as we're together but not really because it's not physically possible. We're engaged but actually getting married seems so far off that sometimes it feels like it might not happen at all. We've looked at getting a place together but we can't afford it on just his income, I feel I don't...like I can't contribute anything.
I miss my family as much as I did when I first moved to Bangor 3 years ago. It doesn't get easier and the guilt never disappears. Part of me will always feel that I have (in a way) abandoned them, especially my mum. Despite this, in general I enjoy student life. I enjoy the freedom. And the learning. I love the unpredictable life that a student lives. Being poor doesn't bother me much, I do however, wonder if I am 'living life to the max'. I want to leave Bangor (and with it, my student life) with no regrets. That is what I should aim for, what I should promise myself.