High School, Love, and Vampires...?
Okay so it's the third day of school and I still get lost trying to find my classes and stuff sometimes. And it's heartbreaking 'cause Sam and K-chan and Coral and Cody all have 2nd lunch and I have first! T_T *sadness* Luckily I have lunch with Alisa and Jenny and Mara and unfortunately Ty. His hair looks way better now. He re did it and cut it. But it's still blond and I prefer it black. Anyway, I'm starting to get scared. Of myself and my own emotions. At least I think they're mine. I'm having some mental conflicts and it's killing me inside. I need help from these freaking HORMONES. I've only told K-chan this. My little- or rather bug secret. Its got me running up and down trying to figure out who I am why I feel this way and how HE ended up clouding my thoughts. Since day one I couldn't stand him. He's arrogant,. egotistical, sadistic, and as Coral put it, "a man slut." He goes through girls like a playboy and yet he's so not. I've always hated him but theres always been... this weird feeling inside me about him. And for some freaking reason that feeling wants to break out NOW of all times! When I talked to K-chan I played it very casually asking simple questions. She knew instantly who I was reffering to. We decided to not speak his name and play it the hypothetical way. For someone so innocent and inexperienced, K-chan is very insightful. *shocker* But if there's one thing I've learned it's that I can't hide crap from her. K-chan knows me more than I know myself. Which says a lot. But she gave me some things to think about the possible reasons I may have feelings for him. POSSIBLY. Nothing is final. I'm still confused and determined to hate him until the end. Karina sais the maybe I hate him because I like him. It's a possiblity. And a horrible paradox. But she also said it could be because he has the power to minipulate me. And normally, I'd rather die than admit to that, but I'm desparate and running out of options. He DOES have the power to minipulate me, emotionally. But also physically because his energy is like poison to me and he knows it. That's why he hugs me. He's so sadistic. I hate him. And I'm hating him even more the longer I think about it. Damn all this mental contraversy! (omg did I just cuss?!) I'm too distraught to care. He makes me sick. In more ways than one. But I can't have feelings for him. I just can't. Because SHE does. And I can't hurt her with that. I could never do something like that to her. Plus.. it's not like he could ever feel the same way about me. And maybe that's why I act like a hate him when he's near me. Because I'm afraid that when I stop repelling him and let him into me... he'll just get bored. Like he always does. K-chan said I love mysteries. And I do. She said he's mysterious. And he is. And no one has ever had power over me like this before. But I'm determined to fight it. I wont lose to this. Damn Vampire!