(Untitled)

[pinkspiderhide]

He'd been at the hospital watching over Cha. Not that he really needed to. There was a steady stream of people in and out of there. He wondered when the last time was that Juka had slept in a bed. Poor guy, he knew that his friend's lover wasn't aware of everything that had happened to his koi, and it hurt the vocalist. Well it was not like he

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[kaminotenshi]

Peeking out from the branches of tree he had decided to climb, Kami waved to hide and from his lips came clear chimes of laughter. Jumping down, the rather peculiar mist that seemed to follow him spanned out, looking much like elegant butterfly wings. Landing just before the man he knew to be his love, he peered curiously at hide's new decor before cupping the guitarist's face in his hands gently. You look different, hide... lovely... Kami paused with a small smile tracing his features.

...but exhausted, he concluded, drawing the other into his arms, ...anything I can do?

[pinkspiderhide]

As he was drawn into the other spirit's arms he felt his heart shatter. He shouldn't feel this way when Kami held him. He should feel happy...he shouldn't feel so...so...
[the word you are looking for hide matsumoto is GUILTY! You lied to him because you are selfish. Tell him the truth...tell him that you aren't his love...] His concious beating him over the head. That little voice he had always been so good of getting rid of was getting louder now. He held Kami tighter, almost to the point of pain to them both.

I don't want to lose you...

He whispered softly as he laid his head against the spirit's shoulder and closed his eyes.

[kaminotenshi]

The faint whisper confused the drummer a bit, not understanding completely why hide was scared to lose him. He decided it must have something to do with the dreams so he soothingly stroked down hide's back, cradling him to a point.

...don't worry, hide... I'm not going anywhere... don't add me to your list of burdens... his voice was gentle and understanding, filled with trust and affection. He pressed a soft kiss on the guitarist's temple, nuzzling the other lightly.

Don't worry... I'm here...

[pinkspiderhide]

At the kiss he moved his head, cupping the drummer's cheek with one hand he drew the other into a deep kiss. Moving to lay him down softly on the grass beneath the tree the other had just been climbing. Soft lips traveled over Kami's cheeks, eyelids, forehead and back to those tempting lips once more.

[Drown in him...his touch...his scent....his taste...drown to forget that, he's not yours...Demo...is it so wrong to want to see him happy...for me to want to be happy with him...he's the only one that I have left now...You don't deserve to be happy. You are to be punished, for what you did....Iie...I'll atone...just please...give me this one piece of happiness...onegai...No...]

The voice died out about the time that hide's lips had reached Kami's neck and the scar there. A mark...a brand...one he'd seen before on the marks of those still living and close to his Chau. Clenching his eyes closed he moved up and off of his would be lover and rolled to his side, facing away from the drummer, his eyes sad.

You're not mine....He

[kaminotenshi]

The content smile dancing on his lips died instantly at those words. His hand instantly reached for Gackt's brand and caused him to flinch, eyes fluttering shut momentarily.

hide... I-i..I don't... understand... what moments before had been a confident, loving voice was now nothing more than a lost, frightened whisper. It made it clear that the problem was not that Kami did not understand but that he did not want to understand.

...and that made all the difference in the world.

[pinkspiderhide]

You don't belong with me...you never have...as much as I wish you did...you are the only person I have. but you stayed for him, you've always loved him, and much to my dismay, more then likely always will. I'm a selfish bastard...always have been. I wanted you to want me, so when I saw that you not only didn't remember me but didn't remember Camui-san as well, I thought maybe I had a chance to take you from him. To see you smile rather then to cry about him all the time. So you wouldn't have a reason to disappear into your dreams where you are happy with him...so you wouldn't disappear from me...Gomen ne for lying to you. The sadist thing was that it was working too. I'm sure if I'd kept up with the masquerade that you more then likely would have never thought any different...unfortantly, I can't have you unless it goes both ways.

He gave a dry chuckle and shook his head his arms wrapping about himself in a semi selfconcious hug.

Would you look at that...I do have a concious after all...and all these years I thought I didn't...

[kaminotenshi]

There was nothing Kami wanted to do more that moment than simply fade away again. Leaving behind all of his troubles, heartbreaks, and inner torments... but over the past day or so he had whole heartedly believed himself to be hide's and had loved him accordingly. While it was such a short amount of time, to him it was forever. There was nothing before hide, no one before hide. Now, he had no idea what he was to do. It would be cruel of him to leave the guitarist to his own devices as Kami was finding so tempting. [And he wasn't cruel for lying to you? Taking advantage of your trust?] Ah, that was a part of himself Kami had not seen in a while. He quickly chided his selfish, judgmental side back to silence.

...what am I supposed to do... he whispered softly instead, ...when you're the only world I know...?

[pinkspiderhide]

Turning to face the drummer he brought his dark eyes up to look into Kami's endless ones. Reaching out timidly he took the other man's hands in his own and brought the fingers to his lips in a fleeting kiss, holding them in his own. Just so that he could touch, could feel the other still so close to him.

As much as it pains me...you should go and find Camui-san...and see if in truth he's still the one that you want...if so...then I don't know how to tell you how to proceed after that...Such things are entirely up to you. Demo...if he's not the one you want...not the person you remember promising eternity to...then...maybe...you could consider me...

The last part was spoken so unsurely as he dropped his eyes to their hands, his own tracing over the graceful fingers of the drummer's.

One chance to try and make you happy if I could...I would try for you. You are the only person I have left to lose. I've lost everyone else...

[kaminotenshi]

Please... please don't say that... Kami begged before crawling into hide's arms, holding the guitarist close. He could feel his heart cracking and crumbling to hear such pained words from hide.

...I'm... not ready to see Gaku again... hide... he didn't call me... for months... not once... he made no move to pull away, on the contrary he held on tighter to the world he had been taught to know. The concept of confronting Gackt again... it was frightening, almost. After all... it had been three... four years since he had actually died, hadn't it?

...I came back for you this time... didn't I...?

[pinkspiderhide]

He froze for a moment as Kami wrapped those arms about him, but only for a moment as his went instinctively around the other, holding onto him tightly. Warmth and life he could feel. He wanted to hold onto that feeling no matter what.

I don't know....did you? You had my spider with you...in the other place...I didn't send him...you took him...didn't you...because you wanted to?

The voice was almost pleading, just because he wanted so badly for it to be true. For Kami to have really come back for him. If he had, then things would be okay, he wouldn't have to feel guilty. But the nagging doubt was still in his mind.

You can't run from him forever...he knows you are here. He can see us...has seen and talked to you multiple times...professed that he still loved you...asked you to take him away from here to be with you...He knew that he was volunteering too much, and that everything he said could possibly lose him the affections of the drummer. But he had to be sure. Kami had to be sure. If Kami wasn't, he couldn't be either

[kaminotenshi]

I came back for you, hide... Kami repeated, sounding a little as though he were trying to convince himself. If Gaku's okay after all this time without me... he'll be find on his own... besides... what can the dead really do for the living... I-i... I meant what I said, hide... I want to be here for you... I want to ease your pain... If we don't help each other... there's no one else who can...

[pinkspiderhide]

besides... what can the dead really do for the living...

He froze at the words. Gackt had told him the exact same thing after the vocalist had found him with Cha, and then just simply nodded. It was true. It had already been proven to him that he had very little to no effect on the physical world. This was his world now. Kami was in his world...no Kami WAS his world now.

There is no pain when I'm here with you like this....

Placing soft kisses against Kami's lips his fingers traveled lightly over the other's body over the chosen costume for the day and trailing up over the drummer's neck to tangle in the long, silken strands of hair. This time the voice did not interupt his intentions. Kami said it was for him, so he was free to do such things without nagging guilt.