Sinking
I kind of just feel like I cant do this anymore. My head hurts right now and I dont want to go to class and talk about pictures. Pictures that suck but you have to pretend to like them cause the person who took them is sitting right next to you. I havent taken a photo in over two weeks because Im too busy. But also cause I dont want to tack them into the wall and have people judge me.
And I dont want to write a film paper. Im sick of analyzing shit. Im sick of looking for symbolic meanings. Sometimes I think its all bullshit, and we're making up meanings that werent original put there. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.
Im sick of waking up everyday and having anxiety attacks over all the things I need to do. And of course because I feel so overwhelmed I end up doing absolutely nothing. I sit on the couch and escape into "reality" tv. I wish their reality was my reality. My reality fucking sucks right now!
I wish people (ahem, professors) were more considerate. Theyre all so busy and self important, they forget what its like to be 21 years old and totally overwhelmed with life. Two jobs, 4 extremely intense classes, and a depression that hasnt been this bad since 9th grade. Theyve forgotten what its like, as if their life was ever like this.
I want to drop it all. I want to just get a full time job and not have things to worry about all the time. Then my bills would get paid, I would have a set schedule, and nothing would suddenly spring up on me. Or back up on me. Or drown me.
Im drowning.
And I dont want to write a film paper. Im sick of analyzing shit. Im sick of looking for symbolic meanings. Sometimes I think its all bullshit, and we're making up meanings that werent original put there. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.
Im sick of waking up everyday and having anxiety attacks over all the things I need to do. And of course because I feel so overwhelmed I end up doing absolutely nothing. I sit on the couch and escape into "reality" tv. I wish their reality was my reality. My reality fucking sucks right now!
I wish people (ahem, professors) were more considerate. Theyre all so busy and self important, they forget what its like to be 21 years old and totally overwhelmed with life. Two jobs, 4 extremely intense classes, and a depression that hasnt been this bad since 9th grade. Theyve forgotten what its like, as if their life was ever like this.
I want to drop it all. I want to just get a full time job and not have things to worry about all the time. Then my bills would get paid, I would have a set schedule, and nothing would suddenly spring up on me. Or back up on me. Or drown me.
Im drowning.