Off the Deep End
"A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. You think more people would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo?" -Greys Anatomy
I feel like thats enough to describe the thoughts buzzing through my brain but for some reason I have the desire to elaborate. What I really should do is go to bed. But maybe pushing these thoughts out through my fingers will somehow get them to leave my head.
Why dont I do it? Why dont I just pack up for Australia and leave tomorrow? I could drive my fucking car to Boston, buy a ticket and be there in less than 24 hours. I could surprise them all when I call from Sydney airport and say, "Come pick me up! Im here!" But no, thats the dream I had last night and its not going to be the reality I face tomorrow. Tomorrow Im opening and closing the store and then going out for beers.
The reasons I cannot be in the southern hemisphere by Tuesday are seemingly endless. 1. I have a lease for my apartment till May. 2. I have a two year cell phone contract 3. I still owe like $6,000 on my car 4. I have no fucking money 5. Im one month into my first semester of my junior year 6. What would I do with all my shit? 6. Where would I live? 7. Im not exactly eligible for a migration visa ... on and on and on.
After a recent breakdown I came to the decision that I would finish this year of school and then move to the continent of which my heart is still residing. I thought that was a much better option than waiting until I graduate in May '08. Turns out time isnt passing quickly enough.
I wish I was the type of person to get completely naked and jump right in to a potentially freezing cold swimming pool. Instead I use the steps. I wade. I stand on tip toe so that the water doesnt hit my belly button - cause thats when it gets really cold.
I want to dive but I cant breathe under water.
I wish someone would just push me in.
I feel like thats enough to describe the thoughts buzzing through my brain but for some reason I have the desire to elaborate. What I really should do is go to bed. But maybe pushing these thoughts out through my fingers will somehow get them to leave my head.
Why dont I do it? Why dont I just pack up for Australia and leave tomorrow? I could drive my fucking car to Boston, buy a ticket and be there in less than 24 hours. I could surprise them all when I call from Sydney airport and say, "Come pick me up! Im here!" But no, thats the dream I had last night and its not going to be the reality I face tomorrow. Tomorrow Im opening and closing the store and then going out for beers.
The reasons I cannot be in the southern hemisphere by Tuesday are seemingly endless. 1. I have a lease for my apartment till May. 2. I have a two year cell phone contract 3. I still owe like $6,000 on my car 4. I have no fucking money 5. Im one month into my first semester of my junior year 6. What would I do with all my shit? 6. Where would I live? 7. Im not exactly eligible for a migration visa ... on and on and on.
After a recent breakdown I came to the decision that I would finish this year of school and then move to the continent of which my heart is still residing. I thought that was a much better option than waiting until I graduate in May '08. Turns out time isnt passing quickly enough.
I wish I was the type of person to get completely naked and jump right in to a potentially freezing cold swimming pool. Instead I use the steps. I wade. I stand on tip toe so that the water doesnt hit my belly button - cause thats when it gets really cold.
I want to dive but I cant breathe under water.
I wish someone would just push me in.