Biggest decision of my life.
So I don't think its much of a secret anymore, I am in the midst of a big decision to make. I have to decide where I want to live for the next season of my life, maybe even the rest of it. My entire family lives in Los Angeles California. And I am here, in Franklin TN where i've lived since the first grade. This is MY territory, my comfort zone, my home. But the life that I used to have and love here, doesn't really exist anymore. . .i mean most of the people I didn't want to leave behind this time last year, i don't even hold friendships with anymore. Preston is DEFINITLY out of the picture and has been for quite a while, which is turning out to be such a blessing. So there's not really much olding me back, right?
But Los Angeles. . its so different there. I still don't know what it is I want to do with my life, or am supposed to do for that matter. I've tried to let go of it and wait for God to show me, but it's so hard to not feel like your wasting time waiting on some big answer your not going to receive. . .i dunno. It's so risky too. . .going there, trying to get into the industry of fame. Nothing is a sure thing. But then again. . . neither is happiness in this town where i've lived my whole life, and find myself now walking around not fully alive here.
I just don't know what to do. Everytime things start to fall towards moving, and i get really excited about it. . .something here makes me want to stay. Making new friends, having fun times with some old ones. . .i dunno. I just DON'T KNOW. And my Mom isn't helping, because thats her problem with the whole situation. . .that im so INDECISIVE about it. She's thinks something is wrong with me because I don't know what I want.
So thats where im at right now. Im straddling the line of indecision with my legs being stretched furthur and furthur apart, and I feel like if I dont' decide soon they're going to break. I love Franklin, I do. But it just feels like it's time to move on, time to get away. But at the same time, California scares me. IT scares me that I think i'm SOO right to leave and then i'll get there and not be happy, and everyone will say "i told you so".
What i REALLY want is, a CLEAR, BLATANT reason to stay here. . .or an incredible obvious oppurtunity to go.
Am i foolish to try and wait on an answer such as that? I'm praying. And I will continue to pray.
But Los Angeles. . its so different there. I still don't know what it is I want to do with my life, or am supposed to do for that matter. I've tried to let go of it and wait for God to show me, but it's so hard to not feel like your wasting time waiting on some big answer your not going to receive. . .i dunno. It's so risky too. . .going there, trying to get into the industry of fame. Nothing is a sure thing. But then again. . . neither is happiness in this town where i've lived my whole life, and find myself now walking around not fully alive here.
I just don't know what to do. Everytime things start to fall towards moving, and i get really excited about it. . .something here makes me want to stay. Making new friends, having fun times with some old ones. . .i dunno. I just DON'T KNOW. And my Mom isn't helping, because thats her problem with the whole situation. . .that im so INDECISIVE about it. She's thinks something is wrong with me because I don't know what I want.
So thats where im at right now. Im straddling the line of indecision with my legs being stretched furthur and furthur apart, and I feel like if I dont' decide soon they're going to break. I love Franklin, I do. But it just feels like it's time to move on, time to get away. But at the same time, California scares me. IT scares me that I think i'm SOO right to leave and then i'll get there and not be happy, and everyone will say "i told you so".
What i REALLY want is, a CLEAR, BLATANT reason to stay here. . .or an incredible obvious oppurtunity to go.
Am i foolish to try and wait on an answer such as that? I'm praying. And I will continue to pray.