Most of you won't read this I'm sure but......
To damn near everyone on my friends list thingie:
Things have been tough for 3-4 years or so....Mostly unintentionally and partly due to funds or living situations, I have lost communication with many of you because I had to rebuild things that I let get broken for all the wrong reasons. Long process...but I think I'm getting there. I never thought about you any less. It's just sometimes the only things I have had to say for years were things I wouldn't have wanted to bother anyone with. Imagine you are busy doing clubby things or whatever the case may be and I call you all the time with things like this. That's how it would've been. You would hate me more than you do now. I would have rather kept everything inside until I would spontaneously combust so you could all have a part of me that is tangible.
So, you see. I love you so I did you a favor....I'm sorry if all of this meant I wasn't there for you, for that I apologize, but I didn't have the strength. I did the best thing I thought I could do. If you are willing to forgive, forget, and close the gap between us then rock on we'll get together. If you will still stand by my side, I will return the favor with the best of my abilities.
But, if you want to get it twisted and tell yourself "If she really ever cared about me she would have called when she went away" I woud pray your conscience would say "wait, did I ever call her, no I don't think I did I think I too was caught up in trying to obtain a sense of self or some sort of life worth living." I would hope you'd agree...your conscience seems to know it's shit and believe me my silence and distance (both emotionally and physically) were completely necessary for me to still be alive. Now that that time between us has passed and I came back to you I would hope that you understand not to take the lack of communication personally. I care about you as much as I ever have no matter how poorly I show it or infrequently I say it. With that said....we can now start anew and begin to catch up. I'm sure I missed a million things large and small.
<3
As you can see, I finally have internet again as of yesterday-ish after ages in the dark...I'm still in the dark really, but I now have internet and the darkness....
I'm not sure I really have much to update anyone with really..I have moved again...I lost count of how many times actually...I work and go home and think about work and making things better. I still haven't gone out, which you know because you haven't seen me have you? If you have seen me you work with me, I have dyed your hair, I paid you a visit (insanely super blue moon rareness...I think 2 people received that hell, or you are stalking me and I hate you like whoa.
It is technically my birthday which frightens me since they progressively get worse. I swear, if this one is anything like the last one I will go out with a blade in my heart like Elliot Smith because another birthday would suck to fucken much.
AAAAAAAANYWAAAY!! I am bored as hell right now as I imagine you are if you are reading this (or you simply love me, which in return I love you too) and am going to stop writing and go cry in a corner somewhere while I get cancer.
.
Things have been tough for 3-4 years or so....Mostly unintentionally and partly due to funds or living situations, I have lost communication with many of you because I had to rebuild things that I let get broken for all the wrong reasons. Long process...but I think I'm getting there. I never thought about you any less. It's just sometimes the only things I have had to say for years were things I wouldn't have wanted to bother anyone with. Imagine you are busy doing clubby things or whatever the case may be and I call you all the time with things like this. That's how it would've been. You would hate me more than you do now. I would have rather kept everything inside until I would spontaneously combust so you could all have a part of me that is tangible.
So, you see. I love you so I did you a favor....I'm sorry if all of this meant I wasn't there for you, for that I apologize, but I didn't have the strength. I did the best thing I thought I could do. If you are willing to forgive, forget, and close the gap between us then rock on we'll get together. If you will still stand by my side, I will return the favor with the best of my abilities.
But, if you want to get it twisted and tell yourself "If she really ever cared about me she would have called when she went away" I woud pray your conscience would say "wait, did I ever call her, no I don't think I did I think I too was caught up in trying to obtain a sense of self or some sort of life worth living." I would hope you'd agree...your conscience seems to know it's shit and believe me my silence and distance (both emotionally and physically) were completely necessary for me to still be alive. Now that that time between us has passed and I came back to you I would hope that you understand not to take the lack of communication personally. I care about you as much as I ever have no matter how poorly I show it or infrequently I say it. With that said....we can now start anew and begin to catch up. I'm sure I missed a million things large and small.
<3
As you can see, I finally have internet again as of yesterday-ish after ages in the dark...I'm still in the dark really, but I now have internet and the darkness....
I'm not sure I really have much to update anyone with really..I have moved again...I lost count of how many times actually...I work and go home and think about work and making things better. I still haven't gone out, which you know because you haven't seen me have you? If you have seen me you work with me, I have dyed your hair, I paid you a visit (insanely super blue moon rareness...I think 2 people received that hell, or you are stalking me and I hate you like whoa.
It is technically my birthday which frightens me since they progressively get worse. I swear, if this one is anything like the last one I will go out with a blade in my heart like Elliot Smith because another birthday would suck to fucken much.
AAAAAAAANYWAAAY!! I am bored as hell right now as I imagine you are if you are reading this (or you simply love me, which in return I love you too) and am going to stop writing and go cry in a corner somewhere while I get cancer.
.