selinium legs, a balancing act
Well, i am quite the muddled person right now. Everything feels very muddled indeed, especially at night when i lie in my bed thinking about anything and everything all at once and wondering (a) what i'm going to do and (b) what am i doing this for...etc etc.
The world is making me feel rather sad and sick right now, it just seems to be such a mess. I can't really think about it too much (though i know it is my duty to) because it upsets me a lot, but lately, i have been thinking about it a lot.
And i am not making any sense whatsoever.
Had a nice evening with Sian on monday night: we got a chinese takeaway and chatted and watched tv at her house. We talked about the future and stuff (oh, the peril!). Part of this included where we want to live after uni. I was saying that perhaps i'd live alone in a little flat or something (if i ever have the money), because i quite honestly don't feel like i am completely myself with people at the moment. Don't get me wrong, i thoroughly enjoy my life there and really do love the people i have met, but i often feel like i'm either a dull person/treading on eggshells/working out other people's characters and fitting myself around that. It's a bit bizarre really: i'm more myself than i've ever been, but not regarding my friendships/relations with other people. I would really like to stay there in the future. I strived so much to get away from here, but i find that here is where i am most comfortable because-around my family-i am very much ME.
I'm probably not making any sense again.
Work has been busy. I did 5 days in a row 9:30am (or 10am)-6:45 before my day off on tuesday. These two weeks are absolutely horrendous due to it being 'school's weeks', but then everybody says that "if you can survive this, you'll survive anything here", which is true. The sweetshop is continuously ransacked by the children, but we are all just about coping with a lack of staff (two are on holiday). I'm perfectly fine after a day off, but then as the days wear on i find it more difficult to sleep and i just CANNOT DO over-tiredness. Anyway, despite being spoken to innaproprietly by a senior manager today (i won't go into it, i'll just say that i or WE had done absolutely nothing wrong or contrary to the usual), it's okay...i am getting some beautiful wage slips for my efforts and i'm doing well with my savings. I do feel slightly anxious about some things though, but i won't go into that either.
Off to watch Big Brother with a mug of hot chocolate now, mmm.
Just posting this because my hair looks really red in it and i actually quite like it looking that colour!! The bags under my eyes are terrible...(perhaps you can't see them, because the flash is so bright here.) Also, i have a green knee, hurrah :D