for laura

[pinkrugger]

So its been a hot minute since Ive updated...and per Lauras request...I am doing just that. I dunno what to say or where to begin or what even to go into. SO much is going on with me right now...im so overwhelemed. Im so distracted by life, by people, by Jessie, by school, by my self, by my feelings, my wants, my desires, my fears, my hopes, my desires, my everything. I try to just live for the moment, but the moments get clouded with my thoughts.

I just dont know about anything anymore. I want to just drown myself in my school work and forget about everything and everyone else because school should be my number one, my top priority and everything is a distraction. But thats not the case. Im afraid to be forgotten, to get passed by, to be alone, to be the one that never was....

I want to cry so bad. I want to cry to someone. More so, I think i want to laugh, to smile with my friends and truly be happy. but how can i living this lie. I dont know who or what i am. Ll i know is that i want to be a doctor and that should be all i want right now. why am i surrounding myself with other concerns that really hold ne bearing on my future?

i dunno...i think im just gonna grab a notebook and write...write everything im thinking, feeling, fearing, whatever....down....goodnight