My tummy hurts and my heart aches.
I have been feeling down right aweful today. LOL. why the fuck is my journal reserved for bitching bitching bitching? I dont know, but god damnit, im sick of it!
yet, here i go
i have felt horrid all day. I became convinced it was due to carbohydrates today, so i went to subway and got one of those atkins salads. I ofcourse had to get cookies with it. (wait, i thought carbs were the problem? DUMBASS!) So then i eat the whole salad and cookies and all and feel disgusting. So i purge it all up. Now my stomach feels like shit twice run over and i cant do anything about it.
ah. i dont know why i did it. I mean, in total it couldnt have been more than 800 cals, which if i ate nothing else wouldnt have been too big a deal, but oi. I dont know what the fuck is wrong with me
and i tried to call guy, but he wouldnt talk to me....and im actually pretty upset that his parents came up today and visited, and didnt wait to see me before they left. nor did they stop in to my work and say hi, despite the fact that it was on their way, and they infact drove RIGHT PAST me twice. I dont know why it offends me so much....but it does. How fucking stupid is that. The thing is, i was actually kinda looking forward to seeing them. Thats why we must live life without expectations, therefore there will be no disapointment.
i cant even begin to describe what i feel about the whole mark situation on the is board. I know everyone is tired of hearing about it too, but this is my journal, therefore i can continue to rant about it, because god damnit its making me sad. I feel in a lot of ways like its somehow "my fault." even though, logically i know its not. I mean, i know that it was a lot of mark lying to me that made jon make his initial post.....but i dont know. I certainly didnt ask or tell jon to make that post. And i dont really know what to think or feel other than shitty. SHITTY SHITTY SHITTY. argh.
and when i meet fay day after tomarrow she will puke when she sees me. Because my face very obviously resembles a pizza. lol
dont you love whyning entries? i know i sure do
if you made it this far.....
I love you.
yet, here i go
i have felt horrid all day. I became convinced it was due to carbohydrates today, so i went to subway and got one of those atkins salads. I ofcourse had to get cookies with it. (wait, i thought carbs were the problem? DUMBASS!) So then i eat the whole salad and cookies and all and feel disgusting. So i purge it all up. Now my stomach feels like shit twice run over and i cant do anything about it.
ah. i dont know why i did it. I mean, in total it couldnt have been more than 800 cals, which if i ate nothing else wouldnt have been too big a deal, but oi. I dont know what the fuck is wrong with me
and i tried to call guy, but he wouldnt talk to me....and im actually pretty upset that his parents came up today and visited, and didnt wait to see me before they left. nor did they stop in to my work and say hi, despite the fact that it was on their way, and they infact drove RIGHT PAST me twice. I dont know why it offends me so much....but it does. How fucking stupid is that. The thing is, i was actually kinda looking forward to seeing them. Thats why we must live life without expectations, therefore there will be no disapointment.
i cant even begin to describe what i feel about the whole mark situation on the is board. I know everyone is tired of hearing about it too, but this is my journal, therefore i can continue to rant about it, because god damnit its making me sad. I feel in a lot of ways like its somehow "my fault." even though, logically i know its not. I mean, i know that it was a lot of mark lying to me that made jon make his initial post.....but i dont know. I certainly didnt ask or tell jon to make that post. And i dont really know what to think or feel other than shitty. SHITTY SHITTY SHITTY. argh.
and when i meet fay day after tomarrow she will puke when she sees me. Because my face very obviously resembles a pizza. lol
dont you love whyning entries? i know i sure do
if you made it this far.....
I love you.