(no subject)
Since there is nothing in the house to eat, I made Ramen. When I opened the seasoning packet, I almost started to cry. The smell of it just reminded me of a few of months ago, (when all I ate was Ramen) when everything was happier, it seems. When I actually wanted to get out of bed in the morning because I had something (anything) to look forward to. Now, what is there? Feels like nothing. School gives me nothing, my friends...are like walls. I know they are there, but all they seem to do is...be. And sometimes that is what we all need, but they feel oppressive. Like they are walls to my cell, and they are holding me back. But them sometimes, they are all that is keeping me from shrinking into a nothingness that I would create for myself, abandoning everyone and everything to just...be. Not live. Merely exist. Maybe I am already in that nothingness, and it is keeping me there. Away from living life. Or maybe I am keeping myself there, afraid of what life would be like if I actually cared. I want to get myself out, but I don't know how. And it is really starting to kill me. Emotionally, I am almost dead. Dulled, pointless emotions are all I have left, and what are they supposed to do? Nothing. Which is all I have.
"And all that had once been endless would by then have ended..."