For the love of books :)
I seem to have rediscovered my love of reading. After years of being lost only really reading things that related to my PhD (and yes I am SOOOOO glad its over) I have actually started to read non fiction again, and it seems I still adore it. OK, so I did read last year, but pretty much everything that I read was either related to my PhD or figuring out whether I was queer, and if so in what way. I suppose there is still an element of that, but now in a different area.
So, on to the books. They are all so good that it is difficult to pick one out to talk about, so I will probably talk about them all. The first is 'Yes means Yes' It is about rape culture and feminism. Its fucking brilliant. Its a whole different way of looking at the subject. Initially I was a little concerned about reading it. I didn't know whether it would trigger unplesant thoughts and be difficult to deal with somehow. Some of it was hard to read, but with the exception of a couple of less than brilliant chapters, it is a superb book. There is one chapter that is on female submission which I thought was particularly good, it is about fanatasy's of non consent. It talks about the BDSM community and feminist who identify as sexually submissive, and enjoy consentual scene's of non consent. Very interesting and very difficult area if you ask me. The thing I love about the BDSM community is the 'safe, sane and consentual' mantra, and in theory at least I can totally see that it is an acceptable choice and fantasy. In practice I find it very difficult to witness consentual S&M (though not the B&D aspects) where the man is the dom and the woman the sub. I am unfomcortable that it is so different for me. I don't think it 'should' be. If it is OK for me to participate in a S&M practice with another woman and be top why does it feel so uncomfortable to watch certain kinds of 'someone else' doing exactly the same thing? Does that mean it is something I shouldn't be doing? I don't have the answers, but I do have the questions. Another good article in the book was about reclaiming touch. It was about asking for and getting consent to every type of touch from a handshake to a hug to full on intercourse. It is a little extreme for me, takes things a little far, and the author does say that, but it is nonetheless an interesting thing. It made me re-evaluate what I want in terms of explicit consent, which I found a helpful exercise. All in all I would highly reccomend it.
I have also read an introduction to transexuality. There are a number of people in my life right now who identify as trans, and thinking about my sexual orientation has made me consider my gender identity. In some ways identifying as something other than straight must have an impact on one's perceptions of gender and gender roles, it has certainly played a part in my more recent relationships. Some books that I have read recently seem to conflate the concept of 'butch' with sexual top, and 'femme' with sexual bottom, its almost like a mimic of hetrosexuality with the more feminine identified person being the 'woman' and the other person being the 'man' - irrespective of the gender identity of the people involved. Its a little odd to me. I mean, I identify as femme, though I have played with butch recently - not sure how convincingly, but that certainly doesn't mean I am looking for a butch partner, nor that I am predomently a sexual bottom. I just doesn't work like that for me. So I am reading more on it now. I am reading 'whipping girl' and 'genderqueer'. Both these books are fantastic, and I will write some more once I am done with them.
Finally I just got 'the ethical slut', its superb. Its a guide to poly and open relationships. I am not reading it so narrowly though. I think it might be helful more broadly in terms of relating and making space for different kinds of relationships. I think I have an issue with jealousy. I am by nature competitive, and that is a huge aspect of my jealousy. It has been an issue for me in previous relationships, and getting a handle on that will he very helpful, even if I choose to continue in my pursuit of serial monogomy. I haven't finished the book yet, but I am loving reading it.
So, all in all a good few books. There are more I haven't mentioned that I have also enjoyed (like a Pat Califa book I read recently that I can't recall the title of) and I am sure they will get some mention some time down the line. But thats it for now.
So, on to the books. They are all so good that it is difficult to pick one out to talk about, so I will probably talk about them all. The first is 'Yes means Yes' It is about rape culture and feminism. Its fucking brilliant. Its a whole different way of looking at the subject. Initially I was a little concerned about reading it. I didn't know whether it would trigger unplesant thoughts and be difficult to deal with somehow. Some of it was hard to read, but with the exception of a couple of less than brilliant chapters, it is a superb book. There is one chapter that is on female submission which I thought was particularly good, it is about fanatasy's of non consent. It talks about the BDSM community and feminist who identify as sexually submissive, and enjoy consentual scene's of non consent. Very interesting and very difficult area if you ask me. The thing I love about the BDSM community is the 'safe, sane and consentual' mantra, and in theory at least I can totally see that it is an acceptable choice and fantasy. In practice I find it very difficult to witness consentual S&M (though not the B&D aspects) where the man is the dom and the woman the sub. I am unfomcortable that it is so different for me. I don't think it 'should' be. If it is OK for me to participate in a S&M practice with another woman and be top why does it feel so uncomfortable to watch certain kinds of 'someone else' doing exactly the same thing? Does that mean it is something I shouldn't be doing? I don't have the answers, but I do have the questions. Another good article in the book was about reclaiming touch. It was about asking for and getting consent to every type of touch from a handshake to a hug to full on intercourse. It is a little extreme for me, takes things a little far, and the author does say that, but it is nonetheless an interesting thing. It made me re-evaluate what I want in terms of explicit consent, which I found a helpful exercise. All in all I would highly reccomend it.
I have also read an introduction to transexuality. There are a number of people in my life right now who identify as trans, and thinking about my sexual orientation has made me consider my gender identity. In some ways identifying as something other than straight must have an impact on one's perceptions of gender and gender roles, it has certainly played a part in my more recent relationships. Some books that I have read recently seem to conflate the concept of 'butch' with sexual top, and 'femme' with sexual bottom, its almost like a mimic of hetrosexuality with the more feminine identified person being the 'woman' and the other person being the 'man' - irrespective of the gender identity of the people involved. Its a little odd to me. I mean, I identify as femme, though I have played with butch recently - not sure how convincingly, but that certainly doesn't mean I am looking for a butch partner, nor that I am predomently a sexual bottom. I just doesn't work like that for me. So I am reading more on it now. I am reading 'whipping girl' and 'genderqueer'. Both these books are fantastic, and I will write some more once I am done with them.
Finally I just got 'the ethical slut', its superb. Its a guide to poly and open relationships. I am not reading it so narrowly though. I think it might be helful more broadly in terms of relating and making space for different kinds of relationships. I think I have an issue with jealousy. I am by nature competitive, and that is a huge aspect of my jealousy. It has been an issue for me in previous relationships, and getting a handle on that will he very helpful, even if I choose to continue in my pursuit of serial monogomy. I haven't finished the book yet, but I am loving reading it.
So, all in all a good few books. There are more I haven't mentioned that I have also enjoyed (like a Pat Califa book I read recently that I can't recall the title of) and I am sure they will get some mention some time down the line. But thats it for now.