just a little more confused...
Ok, so I went to the last baseball game of the season. This is my last weekend here. I keep thinking well I know where I will be in the summer, but I don't know where I will be in the fall. I am thinking I will come back...but home seems so comfortable. I could be closer to my family...which is a good thing but it is also the thing that is keeping me from doing so. I love them but my parents don't get that at one point I will have to become an adult...or as close to that as I can get. So I am struggling with that. Also, the fact that I got so used to being where I am now and the people that are with me. I guess I am used to seeing the same people for three or four years at a time and now that some aren't coming back and I probably won't see them again makes me sad...I feel a little hollow. And of course there is that certain person...the one person I wish I hadn't met...I know that not seeing him and being away from him will be good for me but it makes me a little sad. I am so used to him being there that him not being there seems so strange. I just want to know that he is ok everyday. I wrote him a note to get some closure...we talked about everything...and at one point we knew we were talking out of our asses... and he still hasn't forgiven me...even though I never even got mad at him for the shit he put me through... I would say we are more than even...He has a couple on me. I think he is a good person despite the bad judgement. We all make mistakes. I think spending the summer at home is best for me. It'll give me time to clear my head and forget about certain things and people. At any rate... I guess I will end this here...I do have more to say but I don't have the words with which to say it all.