(no subject)
Hi. It's been a while. I have to go to school tomorrow. Yuck. I don't know. I have mental issues. Like, seriously. My panic attack has been a warning sign. And now I'm even more scared. I understand now why its good to be normal. Because I've started to feel things that I shouldn't. Maybe it's because I sort of had another episode a few nights ago. But right now, I'm just so worried that I actually am going crazy. Which doesn't help with the not having panic attacks. Steven thinks I should get help. But if I got help it would be like I was confirming that I was a weirdo. But I do want to make the shit stop. We'll see. Mom says she's not gonna let me sit here and be miserable but that one panic attack is not enough to go flying off to the doctor. That means I have to wait for more to come. Yay. Although, the other night when I tried to start having one I had way more control over it and it was helping me calm myself down. But still, the worst part is what comes before the panic attack. You get these horrible feelings. I can't even make people understand unless they actually have had one. It's just like the whole world was ending and nobody cared about me. I was all alone. I was scared to death. I know that I'm not alone and that people love me. It's just my brain chemicals are telling me something different. I don't know what to do. I just have to wait it out. So... on a lighter note, my classes are all gone. Yep. Two days before I'm supposed to go to school I went and registered for my Regents Test which you register for just like a class. And when I found the one I wanted and submitted it all my other classes disappeared. So I logged out and logged back in and yep it was true. All of my classes had been dropped. I totally freaked. And I couldn't even call the offices because they are closed on the weekend. Bastards. So now monday, thats tomorrow, me and my daddy are going up there first thing in the morning before any of my classes to get it straightened out. It better get fixed or I'm gonna pitch a fit. Man, life is a ball. The other day I was at work and I was wearing my stupid little lab coat thing that we have to wear that says walmart on it, even though I don't even work for walmart I work for the doctor. So anyways, I was out in the store buying candy and I'm standing in the self checkout lane just minding my own damn business when the nastiest man walks up. I mean, we are talking straight up winder trash. I can't believe he even had shoes on. He was all dirty and greasy and his huge gut was hanging over the tops of his sweatpants. And he says, "excuuuse me ma'am". Now I've never been one who wants to turn down people who ask for help, but just the sight of this man actually coming up to talk to me with his toothless mouth was enough to make me want to run. But I was trapped. So then he goes on to say, "do you know where I can find the head lice medicine?". Man, I took an automatic large step backwards. I said, "I have no idea. I just work in the vision center." But he still didn't go away. So I said, "maybe try the pharmacy". He's like "oh, okay". And he left. By then I had lost my appetite and didn't even want the candy. And that's my newest nasty winder story. Please, be careful and try to go around it not through it. You have been warned.