Happy Halloween
When school ended, I lost something that defined who I was. I was a student, a full-time student and academic nerd who didn't have time for socializing. This wasn't unusual though. That's just how nerds are. Then school ended, and all I'm left is one chemistry class, two jobs, and the chance to finally socialize.
Socializing was my search to find myself. Redefine myself. It failed. It just left me with a nasty mark.
I still feel hollow. I still feel pointless. I still have nothing to keep me rooted.
Why do I do so poorly with people? I'm not an introvert. I want to socialize all the time, but I can't. I just fail at it. What's wrong with me? Am I too cold? Am I rude? Why can't I get along with people? Why can't I be fun enough to invite along? I feel so empty, therefore it should be easy to just rewrite myself so I'm better suited to hang out and make friends. But I don't know how. I don't know what to change.
I just want to feel connected to something in this world.
Socializing was my search to find myself. Redefine myself. It failed. It just left me with a nasty mark.
I still feel hollow. I still feel pointless. I still have nothing to keep me rooted.
Why do I do so poorly with people? I'm not an introvert. I want to socialize all the time, but I can't. I just fail at it. What's wrong with me? Am I too cold? Am I rude? Why can't I get along with people? Why can't I be fun enough to invite along? I feel so empty, therefore it should be easy to just rewrite myself so I'm better suited to hang out and make friends. But I don't know how. I don't know what to change.
I just want to feel connected to something in this world.