I hate the way I could never hate you....
I think that wanting goes in cycles. For a time you have the giddy feeling of wanting, then you go into the depressive phase, then you go into the REALLY depressive phase when it hurts to want that person and all you can do is think about that person. Then the next phase is happy wanting, like, even though you can't have them, everthing, from little interactions to a phone call seem so perfect. And the next phase is forgetting about them for awhile. And then you go back to giddyness.
I wonder if there's a way to controll it. Some people i know say that they have an "off switch", basically, if they want to they can make themselves stop wanting someone. I wish i had that. The closest i can come is to just forget that it is a reality. Basically, pretend to myself and everyone else that i don't want them. Yet little by little that pretending to myself wears off and I go through the cycle all over again, but I can still pretend to everyone else.
By pretending to everyone else, it's just easier to deal with it all. No one comes up to you and asks "So how's it going with so-and-so??" But the major downside is that when you are going through the REALLY depressive stage, you have no one to call or talk to about it, no one to break down to, you have to hold it all inside. I know for some people that's easy, but not to me.
I wish there were an easy solution to this all, unfortunatly i must keep wishing and waiting. The below way scarily close to explaining this all:
I wonder if there's a way to controll it. Some people i know say that they have an "off switch", basically, if they want to they can make themselves stop wanting someone. I wish i had that. The closest i can come is to just forget that it is a reality. Basically, pretend to myself and everyone else that i don't want them. Yet little by little that pretending to myself wears off and I go through the cycle all over again, but I can still pretend to everyone else.
By pretending to everyone else, it's just easier to deal with it all. No one comes up to you and asks "So how's it going with so-and-so??" But the major downside is that when you are going through the REALLY depressive stage, you have no one to call or talk to about it, no one to break down to, you have to hold it all inside. I know for some people that's easy, but not to me.
I wish there were an easy solution to this all, unfortunatly i must keep wishing and waiting. The below way scarily close to explaining this all: