It Never Rained.
Today was beautiful. Really. If you could have been earlier today, you would agree with me. It had remnants of spring. Warm enough to be outside, cool enough for a jacket. The perfect "sit outside a coffeeshop and write in your journal" day. Which is exactly what I did.
Mondays are weird for me in that sense. My only class for the day lets out early at 3:30 instead of 5:00, leaving me plenty of time to tend to other things. Today was odd in the fact that I didn't know what to do with myself.My car is back home getting inspected, so I have no mode of transportation and am going to rely on friends to take me everywhere. Kind of like the old days. Heh.
I managed to convince Liz to take me to Cup-a-Joe's for some coffee and a little break off-campus. I needed to do some journaling (I haven't done any of any sort in a long time. Maybe that's what's been wrong with me! Ha!) We went and I did indeed get a good deal of journal writing in. My goal is to have all of my journals that I've been working on all finished and wrapped up by the end of the year. (Or by the time I graduate.) Ironically, I'm very far behind.
Rose soon came to join us, this made me happy. Am glad that she got coffee, too, that way she could surpress her inner thoughts, (just a little bit). ;)
Indeed it was a good day. Well, Was.
Dr. Clay is dead. There's no way of getting around it, there's no way of softening it. Saying she's passed on, she's gone,she's left us...that's not the reality, not really, anyway. She's dead. She fought her disease, and fought it until the end. I did not have the fortune of knowing her personally, only thru the stories that Liz and Rose told. I knew of her because of her story. It is because of her story that I am finding my own way back to recovery, (from an illness of a different sort). She was brave, and I am finding my own kind of courage thru her. There is so much living that has yet to be done, and that frightens me and enlivens me all at the same time. There are so many places, and so many ways to begin,but the dailyness of being is hindering me. (Life has an aweful habit of getting in the way of itself.)
There is only one thing I hate about this whole situation, and that is the lack of knowing. I walked into the cafeteria earlier, and noone knew she had passed. And I wanted to whisper it to everyone I knew who might have known her. I felt that, even if nobody knew her, that they should still mourn and learn from her. It renewed in me how I use to feel about dying when I was younger-- I wanted to go out with a bang. I didn't want to die quietly in a hospital bed, or in some sappy/romantic manner. I want, for once in my life, to be the hero.
But I guess we'll just have to wait and see if that ever happens. Until then, I can only repeat the lessons that others have taught me. Be Brave on the Rocks...Carpe Diem.
Today was a beautiful day to go. It never rained.
Mondays are weird for me in that sense. My only class for the day lets out early at 3:30 instead of 5:00, leaving me plenty of time to tend to other things. Today was odd in the fact that I didn't know what to do with myself.My car is back home getting inspected, so I have no mode of transportation and am going to rely on friends to take me everywhere. Kind of like the old days. Heh.
I managed to convince Liz to take me to Cup-a-Joe's for some coffee and a little break off-campus. I needed to do some journaling (I haven't done any of any sort in a long time. Maybe that's what's been wrong with me! Ha!) We went and I did indeed get a good deal of journal writing in. My goal is to have all of my journals that I've been working on all finished and wrapped up by the end of the year. (Or by the time I graduate.) Ironically, I'm very far behind.
Rose soon came to join us, this made me happy. Am glad that she got coffee, too, that way she could surpress her inner thoughts, (just a little bit). ;)
Indeed it was a good day. Well, Was.
Dr. Clay is dead. There's no way of getting around it, there's no way of softening it. Saying she's passed on, she's gone,she's left us...that's not the reality, not really, anyway. She's dead. She fought her disease, and fought it until the end. I did not have the fortune of knowing her personally, only thru the stories that Liz and Rose told. I knew of her because of her story. It is because of her story that I am finding my own way back to recovery, (from an illness of a different sort). She was brave, and I am finding my own kind of courage thru her. There is so much living that has yet to be done, and that frightens me and enlivens me all at the same time. There are so many places, and so many ways to begin,but the dailyness of being is hindering me. (Life has an aweful habit of getting in the way of itself.)
There is only one thing I hate about this whole situation, and that is the lack of knowing. I walked into the cafeteria earlier, and noone knew she had passed. And I wanted to whisper it to everyone I knew who might have known her. I felt that, even if nobody knew her, that they should still mourn and learn from her. It renewed in me how I use to feel about dying when I was younger-- I wanted to go out with a bang. I didn't want to die quietly in a hospital bed, or in some sappy/romantic manner. I want, for once in my life, to be the hero.
But I guess we'll just have to wait and see if that ever happens. Until then, I can only repeat the lessons that others have taught me. Be Brave on the Rocks...Carpe Diem.
Today was a beautiful day to go. It never rained.