No. Not again.

[pinko_commie3]

I can't believe myself for this. I hate it. Honestly, I wish I hadn't become friends with him again. Because he's got me all mixed up now. I can't do this again. I can't. It's unhealthy to like someone this much, when the feelings aren't reciprocated. About eight months ago, I threw away the best thing life ever gave me. I made a huge mistake. But I got over it. I moved on. I was so proud of myself... but now he's killing me again. And there is nothing I can do. I can't help myself. I want to hate him for this... for being so perfect. He doesn't understand; he never will. No one ever will. Liking him hurts so much, but I can't stop. I like hurting if it means I get to like him. He doesn't like me though. He never will again, after what I did. It was the worst thing I could've done. It wasn't worth it. I lost my life when I made that decision and I hate myself for it to this day. To this hour. To this very minute I hate myself. And I hate him. Because I love him. If that made any sense whatsoever. Well.. the pain has to end eventually. Even if I have to force it to.

It's weird how I went for so long with no trouble in the guy department. And now it's just erupted, and I'm having boy trouble with four different guys. And they don't even know it.