Sometimes being a grown up sucks

[pinkneck]

When I first found out that my father was dating I was jealous in a way that I had never been before, I did not like the idea of having to share and I am not proud of the way that I behaved.  Then as I got to know J I realized that she was an amazing woman who made my dad happier than I had seen in a long time and the thought of sharing him no longer scared me because she and I wanted the same thing, my father to be happy.  When they announced that they were going to get married I was so happy not only because my father had found someone to spend his life with, but also because I was getting a stepmother whose opinion I respected, she had a kind heart, and was the kind of mother that I hope to be one day.  I knew that my father was not only gaining a wife, but a stepdaughter as well (oh and two beautiful dogs as well).  One of the good things about having siblings is that you learn to share at an early age, my father and I have a strong bond and I have never questioned where I stand with him, I have always known that my father loves me, I do not need to hear him say the words and I have never questioned that love.  Each of us children have a different relationship with our father and have shared our own special traditions, memories, and events although most have never really been talked about we all just know.  When we were growing up Mothers day was a day that was different for all of us, while we all privately thought of our mother we spent the day in very different ways.  My brother always spent the day with our Grandmother, my sister with Aunt E, and I with our father.  Usually I would pick out a card that was written for a mom I crossed out mom and would fill it in with Dad because he had always filled both roles and I thought it was important that he knew I was grateful for the sacrifices he had made for us the day meant more to me that Fathers day because it was the day for just the two of us, Fathers day I shared him with my siblings Mothers day was just us.  This year I knew that I would be getting a gift for J and welcome her to our family, maybe have dinner with her and her daughter but I just assumed that the day would be just like it always is me and Dad.  I figured that we would work in the garage or have lunch just hang out the two of us never did it cross my mind that it would not work that way.  When he said that he was meeting J and S for lunch I was surprised that we would not hang out, while he loved the idea of getting J a gift he could not even go with me to pick it out because he was going to be with them.  I know that it is childish and immature but my feelings were hurt I know that it was not done intentionally and there was no way that they could have known the importance of the day to me buy this is the first time in my life I feel left out of a part of my fathers life, not only for Mothers day but the whole wedding planning process, when they announced that they were getting married I never thought that I would find out details about the wedding from a third party, Aunt A telling me they are meeting with a minister, or A passing along Dad suggesting there would only be three people there.  I know that everything is happening quickly and this day is nothing to do with me, and if I were to say any of this out loud I would sound like a total spoiled brat. My dad is happier than I have ever seen him and that is the most important thing.  I am lucky to have the relationship I have with my father not all girls have a strong relationship with their father and I can not imagine what it would be like to lose my father I had not given it much thought that just like we are gaining a mother figure S is gaining a father figure.
When I thought about our family growing I didn't think of holidays, and merging two sets of family traditions I selfishly assumed that it would all be as it has been since I was a young girl but I now realize that things are going to change, and that does not mean that my father loves me any less or S any more than me I think that the jealous feelings are normal and I can not imagine how S is feeling having to share J with not only Dad, but the three of us kids as well (to say nothing of the rest of our family) I wonder if she feels the same bit of jealousy that I do. Since we are going to be sisters in a way I should spend more time getting to know her and making sure that she feels included as part of our family and less time being jealous of her.