(no subject)
We spend our lives learning, teaching, and living. We ask questions. Sometimes we find answers. Yet, there are still things we wish to learn.
One of those wishes for me is to learn more of my friends, the real deep down philosophies. I wish I didn't have to read them in a book or piece of writing. While I love surprises and the mystery of learning, I wish I knew more.
The problem seems to be learning the right way to learn the deep down stuff. A friendship is amazing when you can just discuss the deep down stuff without feeling like you're manipulating the other person because that's when it's real. Hoping for something to be real does not make it real. Sometimes that fact is difficult to face. Yet, wouldn't you rather tell your deep down stuff to someone who cares and wants to share their own with you? Why stay friends with fake people?
I've always had a problem with fake people. At one point I realized I was being one of them. I felt like I had to be fake to make people think I wasn't complaining. I never could figure out a way to express struggles to people in any other manner than what I did. The only other way I found was through my writing. I felt I had to be fake to stay around my fake friends. I felt there was no way to accepted if I let them go. I used my writing as an outlet in that area as well.
Now, I can't understand why it all mattered so much. Why did I let fake people turn me into one of them. I wasn't the same type of person, but I guess being fake made me feel I truely had something in common with them. It was a fake friendship in many ways. I tried to hold on to the small similarities we all shared. Yet, I shared more similarities with the friends I didn't spend as much time with.
I finally found a way to express this deep down stuff that has haunted me since middle school. It's through my writing yet again.
What a shame it is to be fake, to never feel a common ground of trust.
What a shame it is to express it all when it doesn't matter anymore.
What a shame it is to find that the real friends didn't get to know me any better. What a shame it is that I was fake, telling the real friends that life was perfect. What a shame it is that the fake outweighed the reality.
We may have been real friends at points in our lives. We may have been fake at points in our lives. The true person will always shine at somepoint. I pity the person who overlooks how amazing the truth, the reality is.
One of those wishes for me is to learn more of my friends, the real deep down philosophies. I wish I didn't have to read them in a book or piece of writing. While I love surprises and the mystery of learning, I wish I knew more.
The problem seems to be learning the right way to learn the deep down stuff. A friendship is amazing when you can just discuss the deep down stuff without feeling like you're manipulating the other person because that's when it's real. Hoping for something to be real does not make it real. Sometimes that fact is difficult to face. Yet, wouldn't you rather tell your deep down stuff to someone who cares and wants to share their own with you? Why stay friends with fake people?
I've always had a problem with fake people. At one point I realized I was being one of them. I felt like I had to be fake to make people think I wasn't complaining. I never could figure out a way to express struggles to people in any other manner than what I did. The only other way I found was through my writing. I felt I had to be fake to stay around my fake friends. I felt there was no way to accepted if I let them go. I used my writing as an outlet in that area as well.
Now, I can't understand why it all mattered so much. Why did I let fake people turn me into one of them. I wasn't the same type of person, but I guess being fake made me feel I truely had something in common with them. It was a fake friendship in many ways. I tried to hold on to the small similarities we all shared. Yet, I shared more similarities with the friends I didn't spend as much time with.
I finally found a way to express this deep down stuff that has haunted me since middle school. It's through my writing yet again.
What a shame it is to be fake, to never feel a common ground of trust.
What a shame it is to express it all when it doesn't matter anymore.
What a shame it is to find that the real friends didn't get to know me any better. What a shame it is that I was fake, telling the real friends that life was perfect. What a shame it is that the fake outweighed the reality.
We may have been real friends at points in our lives. We may have been fake at points in our lives. The true person will always shine at somepoint. I pity the person who overlooks how amazing the truth, the reality is.