weak in the knees for me... errr um... for him.
oh my goodness journal... i need some sort of revitalizing structure of security in my life. situation: i met a boi... i know right? i really like him, probably more than i should. ( i've come to the conclusion that these redundant episodes that i have with these boys will be perennially active throughout my existence.) i rarely see him, yet i think about him all the time, i look forward to his calls, smile when i hear his voice, and on the off chance that i do get to see him, i get nervous and jittery... yes, the whole nine. the trouble is that he has a crazy job which inhibits us from seeing each other. Now, when we met, we had the "im not looking for anything serious" talk. i should keep my options open... that's what i've been telling myself, but i don't really want to see anybody else, nor do i wanna feel daft in my actions fo commit to a non-existent relationship. besides, he's so weird, i don't think he really knows what he wants. one minute he's completely "googly" and sweet as hell. kind, caring, "i wanna fly out to see you!" shit like that, then the next he's like "all the girls will like me" and "oh, i'm sooooo busy" blah blah blah. ugh!!!!!!!!! stupid boys. i truly wish that i could be content as a lesbian. damn the love for penetration!!!!!!!! damn it to hell! its like he's trying to say... i like you, but don't get carried away honey... i almost feel like i'm wasting my time. i don't see anything coming out of this and i don't see the point of hanging around waiting for him. I LIKE HIM SOOOOOOOOOO MUCH THOUGH!!!!!!!! god, i wish i could switch off feelings in a matter of a jiffy. i've heard of taking it slow, but this is an extreme exaggeration of the phrase. i don't know, i don't want a boyfriend, but i don't want this either. no one else has caught my attention as he. the other day when i hung our with joe, it was completely excruciating!! OH ME, OH MY! i can't stand chilling with him. first off, every other word is "fuckin" "fuck" "shit" "fuck" jeez! grow a vocabulary guy! on top of that, its just drama with him, he talks about nothing interesting, we don't have much in common, and i'm not physically attracted to him. its just not there, and that's how i've been feeling about most guys lately. i should probably take an example from Dj and be alone for a while. i mean, focus on myself and only myself. i know i've been saying that forever journal, but you know how i feel about that. ok, i'm rambling. i shall conclude this with no real conclusion.