♥ D.
Disappointment: the act or fact of disappointing, adapted from Dictionary.com.
Sometimes, as human beings, we expect a lot from ourselves, we expect things from others as well. When we fail to meet our target or goal, we simply slump into our pathetic hole. I'm trying to find a word to really express my emotions right now, and disappointment probably is the closest word possible. I do wonder at times, my purpose for whatever I'm doing everyday. Everything is a routine, and I'm not even sure if I even like it. Are assignments even fun and enjoyable to begin with? I'm finding it tough to stay focused, and let alone be driven by motivation of any sort. I'm tired. I really am. Day to day I'm living life as though all there is really, is just school work. I no longer find time to do stuff I used to like. I don't even know what I really like anymore. Even shopping had become a drag, and weekends are merely another day to churn out reports after reports, and probably catching on sleep I've lost. Sleep has even been awful of late. Idk where all those weird dreams come from. Maybe, I'm just too weary in the day, thinking and thinking, so much so that when it comes to the time for bed, to settle down to rest, my mind just speeds. And speeding, is probably an understatement. And my ailing health, really just isn't helping.
Where's all this negativity coming from? Is school work really robbing me of my joy? I recall having been carefree and fun, child-like and free. Lately, I'm drone and boring, and really, I'd rather be alone than be in company. I'm just too tired of speaking, entertaining, or even sharing. Everyday's just a drag.
Life is just this short, and is just too short to waste. Yet, why am I living in such pathetic ways that even I despise? The incident today with a friend's brother of mine was just a wake up call in some sorts. You really don't know what's gonna happen the next moment. You probably don't have that much time to waste. It just got me thinking, and deep down, that fear I had as a kid came back. It was just totally random. But as I was on my way to AMK train station, while on the bus, I froze. I was taken aback by my own response. I was just totally lost for a moment. Maybe, it really is good that we let sleeping dogs lie. Then again, what can I do when it comes to haunt me?
I'm not liking this bout of negativity. It's just making me really weary, and afraid.