Sour.
The morning started off bad, it was almost as if I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. It's probably due to the lack of sleep over the night. Dreams just flood my mind, things I really wish to just escape from, keeps coming back to me. Call me an escapist, but it's a sad fact. When things don't go my way, I get upset. But sometimes, it's really when you lose something so very dear, that makes one doubt. I'm human, before condemning me, you're probably an escapist in ways you call your own.
On the other hand, school was good today. Adam, Ryan and John were mad fun today. Science practicals are always a great laugh with them for partners. We even headed to NTU for brunch, whereby the food was better, and much cheaper as compared to those of NIE. We also did revision for Mathematics before tutorial. Mathematics was tough, but with some effort, I managed to conquer it. I'll probably just need more revision this weekend, especially for Babylonian, Mayan and Egyptian Mathematic symbols etc. Lesson this evening was upsetting, and it comes to a point where I'll somehow question my ability to teach, which is an irony. Things just shouldn't be this way.
My foot was in minor pain this morning and I kind of ignored it. It got worse this evening, making every step I take painful. I'm glad that the pain kind of come and go, and that it's not the unbearable kind of pain. I just hope that the pain will go away real soon, and hopefully, it's not one of the many side effects of that medication that I'm on.
Otherwise, I am pretty surprised by the gush of emotions that accompanied the reading of a book I adore. Children, what a lovely word. With those thoughts, tears just flooded my eyes on that bus ride home. And knowing that a friend of mine, being the same age as me has plans for four children with his partner made me somewhat sour within. I should be happy for him, and not upset for myself.
Father, would you please take this sense of self-pity away?
Would you please teach me to indeed appreciate the little blessings that I have, and not the things that I may never have?
Would you hold my hand through yet another period of doubts?
Father, grant me relief.
XOXO,
Cynthia