hey
wow its been like a month i havent been on here... no worries i read everyonesjournal.. i feel caught up on our daily drama's... reading thru everyones journals has made me realize how much i miss all of u:(... like emily ooo i want u bad haha..o em i love that u and jakub are still together im sooo happy for u cuz i knoe u deserve someone taht will make u happy and love u so muchy hope it will last forever o tru love... kenny i miss u too lets go to the movies ill watch king kong and wardrobe wit u and u geek u never callled me bak im guessing ur phone died in walmart i kept callin u tho lol.. but ya/...so many things has changed in jus a month.. goshy .. where to start .. well my turkish stud.. ha i met him finally after so much begging .. i jus said wat the hell go for it so i did.. it was good... i dunno im attached ..i already was b4 we met so jus meeting him completed everything all my concerns everything disappeared as soon as i met him .. it was very awkward at first but it went well and so now were together .. even tho i havent told my mom . which i really want too but im scared not of my mom but of my brother.. im even shocked with myself i cant keep anything from my mom.. but like last week my bro had a serious convo with me for the first time ever i dun think my bro has ever been so serious and caring for me.. it was odd which scared me a whole lot ... like my mom knows about him as in were friends we talk on the phone and all and she told my bro about him ... so he came up to me and hes like so whose this guy and i told him hes jus a friend all this stuff hes yes 25:S and he jus started hes like dunt let me find out ur fooling around with this guy i will seriously murder u .. i was like :O speechless haha im like oookay there then i talked bak of course saying its not up to u .. its all up to me if i want to be with this guy hes like not as long as im living :O like wtf .. so i seriously was stunned.. i didnt know wat to say or do... i got scared thinkin maybe he knows something thats why he suddenly had this convo... i dunno but in the end i was left speechless and scared and upset ...and when i talked to my stud that night i was so out of it thinkin of everything my bro said to me.. and of course savas-(savashhhh pronounced) knew something was up.. and so i told him and he was jus like hes right u know he cares for u .. and he was like id do the same to my own sister im like omgg how does this help us.. haha hes like i dunno wat to say .. but he calmed me and everything was fine.. its jus now im scared and uncertain how to tell anyone.. which sucks i dun wanna secretly see him .. and when im with him to be scared of who might see us.. sucks alot .. the only way to make things happen is if my bro meets him and kinda approves... but i think thats so gay .. i feel so weird thinkin im goin out with a guy the same age as my bro .. i think thats wats really gettin to my bro lol.. but omg .. its been stressful.. like we dunno where to meet anymore.. being scared we will get caught and i have no clue how to get to toronto ill get lost lol.. haha so i make him come here .. everything is so up in the air i feel so bla sometimes im scared cuz im totally falling for him,,, or have already fallen lets say .. and i dunt want him to ever go away ... i hate to say this but i think i love him:S he makes me feel amazing ... i love to know someone is thinkin of me constantly .. ha hes always sending me sweet messages..thru out the day .. makes me smile and blush aww i dun think i cud ever find someone like him again .. hes one of a kind.. makes me tingle inside... ahhh i miss him:( hes so wat i want ... sometimes i think crazy...thinkin i wish i cud jus run away and be with him but that wudnt be good wud it ha but i wish i had the guts haha.. anyways i guess i shud go and get ready for work as usual .. but seriously i need to see u guys all u like em we shuda gone shoppin one day even tho were probably as broke as ever but still haha it wud be fun window shopping:)i miss u haha i jus had some flash baks to when we were prom dress shopping hahahahahahah o god SUCK IT INNNNN...our back fat hahaha anywho hahahahaha anyways ttyl .. take all u's muahhhhhh love u all