nightmares
Is there such thing as fear of sleeping? i don't have a biological insomnia as much as a self inflicted one. I am tired of being plagued by the thoughts of seeing him with someone new. Gosh this part really really really sucks. I bet there are more songs about how much love hurts than about actually being in love. No WONDER. I am just going to throw this out there, trying to be smart and thinking of the future, never leave your present self satisfied. I let go the one person who has ever shown any real love, respect, and interest in me because i cannot imagine my future with his present self. Now why can't i wait for this person to grow up? Well it comes down to my inability to remain loyal while far away. I would take these frustrations out even further if we were still together but far apart. As for now, i am feeling pretty crappy. I keep setting up dates, and then blowing them off.
you know the book "he's just not that into you"? Well my life is a scene from that book. A guy meets me at my work. Asks for my number, calls the next day and the day after that. Obviously interested. Why can i not call him back. I guess i feel like it would still be disloyal to him if i did that. BLEH. I am definitely still got it bad.
Worst part. I have no idea how he feels. Thank goodness and worst part. I mean, what if he's partying it up and hooking up with his ex (who always seemed to be trying to get him out of his pants)? I would freak out...and probably lose all trust in men whatsoever. But if i knew he was missing me, i might feel like at least im not alone in this sorrow. If only i'd have been better friends with his friends...or something like that. But, i wasn't and that makes me feel at least partially okay.
i just wish that i could sleep soundly one night and not have him be the antagonist of my dreams. He never really popped up in them before, and now that it's over, he's all i can dream about. Isn't life a BITCH.
you know the book "he's just not that into you"? Well my life is a scene from that book. A guy meets me at my work. Asks for my number, calls the next day and the day after that. Obviously interested. Why can i not call him back. I guess i feel like it would still be disloyal to him if i did that. BLEH. I am definitely still got it bad.
Worst part. I have no idea how he feels. Thank goodness and worst part. I mean, what if he's partying it up and hooking up with his ex (who always seemed to be trying to get him out of his pants)? I would freak out...and probably lose all trust in men whatsoever. But if i knew he was missing me, i might feel like at least im not alone in this sorrow. If only i'd have been better friends with his friends...or something like that. But, i wasn't and that makes me feel at least partially okay.
i just wish that i could sleep soundly one night and not have him be the antagonist of my dreams. He never really popped up in them before, and now that it's over, he's all i can dream about. Isn't life a BITCH.