Life is a shit samwich...
I'd started to lose hope. I didn't know if I should be hurt or mad, but I was close to giving up. But, alas, I have never been able to bring myself to completely give up on you... and you know that. I'm not sure where these tears are flowing from: happiness that I've finally heard from you, anger with myself for getting so upset over something so unsure, or sadness that I let myself meander on without as much as an attempt at reaching you. I do know that I've been needing that. I needed the reassurance that you still care, that I'm not out of the picture.
I'm still waiting for the light at the end of this seemingly endless tunnel. You'd think qualifying for State Solo would boost my spirits, but not for long. It just means more work and more time to screw up. Then tonight... SO much happened - good and bad - that I don't even know where I stand right now... Whatever.
I'm so glad that I have a sister like her. I can call her at any time crying and she doesn't care. She said she wished there was more she could say besides "I'm sorry", but her sorries were more than enough. She had every right to say, "Yeah well shit happens. Look what life's handed me..." but she didn't, and I'm thankful for that. I wish she were my real sister.
Lying ahead are still 53 days of this Hell. Until tonight, I was weary as to whether or not I could make it, but now I'm fairly confident.
Much love... Cassie?