Because I'm really good at angst
Title: Do You Remember How I Carried Your Heart?
Pairing: Jon/Ryan
Rating: Hard R I would say
Summary: After the split Ryan is more lost than ever and Jon doesn't really know how to fix him, but he knows how to try.
Disclaimer: I don't know the boys, I own nothing! this is 100% fake and I'm not getting paid to write this. Also the title is taken from the song 'Parker' by Automatic Loveletter.
AN: Another story done for the anon_lovefest
It’s nearly three in the afternoon and Ryan still isn’t awake. Sure, Jon knows that Ryan likes to stay up at all hours of the night, likes to sleep in during the day but he usually always sees the other boy by at least one or so. He’s not worried, should he be? So Ryan’s been a little quiet, he’s always quiet. That’s nothing different or at least that’s what Jon tells himself.
He pads softly through the back of the house. If Ryan’s really so tired then he doesn’t want to wake him up. The older boy moves to Ryan’s room, presses open the door that wasn’t closed all the way. The room is dark due to the heavy curtains that Ryan has drawn but there is light filtering in from behind Jon, casting cut bars of white light across Ryan’s king sized bed.
Ryan’s not sleeping like Jon expected him to be. No, he’s sitting on the edge of the bed, his back to Jon and his shoulders hunched in like he’s crumpling in on himself. Jon opens his mouth to speak but Ryan beats him to it.
“What do you want?” It’s not angry, not curious, it’s nothing. Ryan’s voice as blank and monotone as everyone says it is. Jon’s hands find the wood of the doorway, gripping slightly.
“To check on you.” He answers back, his own voice is a lot softer than he had expected. Ryan huffs out a little laugh.
“Since when did it become necessary for me to be checked on?” The younger boy asks, he lifts his head up for a moment and Jon thinks that he’ll turn back and look at him but he doesn’t and Ryan’s head drops down once again.
Jon can’t bring himself to say what he’s thinking. That this split…the separating of Ryan and Jon from Brendon and Spencer, that it’s affecting the younger boy more than he lets on. He can’t say it out loud, not to Ryan so he lies, right through his teeth.
“I just wanted to see if you were sleeping, if you were hungry or anything?” It’s almost the truth because that’s actually what Jon had come back here for but upon entering the room, his reason may have shifted just a little.
“I’m fine Jon...Alright?” Ryan says and he still won’t even turn around and look at Jon, his shoulders are still hunched, he’s still hiding in the dark.
“Do you want me to leave you alone?” Jon asks, again his voice is drifting out and soft and careful which will probably only serve to piss Ryan off more because according to him there’s no need to be careful.
The younger boy is silent, seated perfectly still on the bed and Jon takes that for all the answer he needs. He sighs a little as he turns back ready to leave the room.
“I just…I didn’t think,” Ryan says softly and Jon stops in his tracks. He doesn’t turn around though, his back to Ryan’s. He does wait because now Ryan’s voice has gone soft, small bits of emotion bleeding into his monotone. “I didn’t think he’d stay with Brendon.” The younger boy finishes.
And suddenly it all becomes a lot clearer to Jon. The split itself might be affecting Ryan but the fact that Spencer didn’t choose him, that his best friend decided to stick with Brendon over Ryan, that’s affecting Ryan on a much larger scale.
Jon does turn around now so that he’s facing Ryan’s back once again. Ryan’s shoulders shake just slightly but the older boy doesn’t think he’s crying.
“It’s not…” Jon starts but he doesn’t know how to finish. “He didn’t choose Brendon over you. You know that right?” It wasn’t like that. It was the musical directions they wanted to take. It wasn’t a lie to ease the fans minds, it was the truth.
Ryan gives half a shrug. “He’s my best friend, Jon. I expected us to just be…together.”
Jon dares to take a few more steps into the room, edging closer to Ryan. “He’ll always be your best friend; they’ll always be our friends, Ryan.” Jon’s knees touch against the opposite side of the mattress from where Ryan is sitting.
“It’s going to be strange,” The younger boy says slowly. “Them not being there.”
“I know.” Jon does. There’s this strange incomplete feeling to them that he can’t seem to shake. It almost feels wrong to him when he sees Ryan pick up the microphone or when he himself takes up the guitar. But it’s a decision that’s already been made and they can’t just go back now.
Ryan’s shoulders are shaking again. “I can’t help but feel like this is all…am I making a mistake, Jon?” Jon finds himself crawling up on the bed, knee walking slowly over to Ryan. His hands find the younger boy’s shoulders and he just touches, feels the muscles tremble under his palms.
Ryan lets out a shaky breath.
“Don’t think that way. This is what you want to do, what we want to do. It’s not just you, Ryan. You’re not alone because I’m with you.” Jon’s voice is small, almost comes off sounding hurt but he’s not because he gets it, he understands how Ryan can feel like he’s all alone. Jon himself has a Brendon Urie shaped hole in his own existence.
Ryan’s shoulders slump down as he relaxes under the older man’s touch. The younger boy tips his head back against Jon’s solid chest, his soft brown eyes meeting Jon’s.
“I’m glad; you know, that you’re here with me. I don’t want you to think that I’m not.” Ryan whispers, his own spidery fingers slip up and wrap around Jon’s bicep, holding on firmly as if some unknown force were trying to pull Jon away and the only thing keeping him here in this bed is Ryan’s touch.
Jon smiles down at the younger boy. His fingers trace against the pale smooth skin of Ryan’s chest and the other boy’s breathe catches in his throat. Ryan tugs on Jon’s arm brings them closer, Jon’s chin almost bumping Ryan’s forehead. They’re closer than they’ve been in a long while and Jon swallows thickly.
Ryan’s just staring up at Jon, staring like he’s trying to read and understand every thought the older boy has ever had. Jon’s heart speeds up. He and Ryan are close, of course they are and Jon can easily admit that he loves the younger boy just like he can admit that he loves Spencer and Brendon, Tom, his cats. But maybe, maybe in the past he has thought of Ryan differently, a different sort of love.
Despite how close they are, how they act. The only thing they’ve ever done in a sexual manner was a kiss, a drunken, sloppy kiss at that, a kiss neither were actually supposed to ever remember. But Jon does remember it, warm, wet, just Ryan.
The older man is lifted out of his thoughts of the one kiss he and Ryan have shared, because now Ryan is moving. He slides away from Jon’s touch and stands from the bed completely. Jon maybe panics. He touched too long, sent the wrong signals, took too much from the younger boy.
Ryan is standing right in front of him, all lean and pale and partway exposed. Jon looks up to meet his eyes and they stare at one another, long endless moments but Jon isn’t Spencer and he can’t do that trick where they seemingly read each other’s minds. He doesn’t know how many times he’s wished for that particular talent.
Ryan moves. His long arms come out and hot palms find their way to Jon’s shoulders, holding on tightly. Jon doesn’t even have time to be confused because Ryan moves fluidly on to the bed, his knees bumping against Jon’s and then they’re face to face. And Ryan, he’s staring again and just as Jon opens his mouth to speak Ryan decides to lean in and silence him with the soft press of his lips against Jon’s.
It’s not a very sexy kiss. It’s soft, sweet. Ryan’s hands sweep up, curling around the back of Jon’s neck, those long fingers pressing into Jon’s warm skin. Jon’s mouth isn’t quite keeping up with all of this so Ryan breaks away and kisses him again, those same fingers curling up into Jon’s shaggy hair. It seems now his mouth gets the message because he’s kissing the younger boy back, soft slightly wet presses of lips against lips.
Jon blocks out the voice yelling in the back of his mind. The one that’s asking him ‘just what’s happening here?’ How did checking on Ryan turn into kissing Ryan? The smaller boy presses forward, gets his body tight against Jon’s. The older boy finally remembers that he has hands and that he’s being allowed to touch, he can do it.
Jon’s hands circle around Ryan’s waist, squeeze slightly. Ryan shivers against him and Jon takes it as a sign that it would be alright if he continued. He slides his tongue out against Ryan’s lips and just like that, the younger boy is opening up for him.
This kiss is quickly destroying the memory of the old one, the one that Jon shouldn’t even remember in the first place. Ryan moans softly into Jon’s mouth as their tongues tangle together. Ryan keeps Jon close with the hand holding on to the back of his head. The older boy allows his tongue to explore every inch of Ryan’s mouth, learning his body in ways he never had allowed himself to hope of before.
They shift, Ryan’s hands on Jon’s chest, pushing him gently down on to his back on the bed. The younger boy is lying on top of Jon and they’re bodies are pressed together completely. Jon can feel Ryan’s hips pressing down against his own. Ryan delves down into Jon’s mouth, fighting for dominance in their kiss, Jon gives it up easily, let’s Ryan take charge. The younger man’s hands on Jon’s face tilting his jaw to get better access.
Jon’s fine, completely fine with laying here with Ryan, drinking in the younger boy and letting their mouths meet, their tongues teasing and tangling together. He’s totally fine with just doing that for the rest of his life until he feels Ryan start to rut against him, his sharp hips grinding down against Jon’s.
Their kiss breaks and Ryan moans when Jon lifts his own hips to meet Ryan’s, the younger boy’s moan loud in the silence of the room. They’re not kissing now and Ryan’s hips are rolling down to thrust lightly against Jon but they’re looking right at one another. Ryan with his brown eyes darker than Jon’s ever seen, his lips red and swollen. He looks beautiful.
But that voice, the one hiding in the back of Jon’s skull, it comes back and prods at Jon.
“Ry,” Jon sounds breathless, sounds so turned on even to his own ears. “What are we…doing?”
Ryan’s hands move back to Jon’s biceps, he holds on firmly once again. “Please, Jon, I just…don’t make me stop. I need this.” Ryan mumbles against the skin of Jon’s jaw. The younger boy presses a kiss there, drags his tongue out and down against Jon’s neck. The older man shivers. He lies there and let’s Ryan bite at his skin.
Ryan’s words cycle through Jon’s head. ‘I need this.’ Jon knows that Ryan does. He gets it all like its some sudden realization but it’s really not, its things he’s known all along but never wanted to admit to. It’s Ryan needing someone, Jon, anyone from his old life, the Panic timeframe, to be with him. He needs to know that there’s someone he knew back then who will still support him now, who will still be with him.
Ryan hasn’t talked to Spencer since the Fourth of July. He hasn’t talked to Pete for longer. Hell, Ryan didn’t talk to Brendon at all in the weeks, days, hours, leading up to the split. Of course the younger boy needs Jon, who else from back then does he have? But it’s not a one sided thing because as much as Ryan needs Jon, Jon needs the other boy just as much. He thinks it must be obvious with the way he’s already here, already where Ryan needs him to be. It’s obvious in the sense that Jon will always follow Ryan.
Ryan has kissed his way down Jon’s chest and now those long nimble fingers are playing at his waistband. Ryan’s eyes meet Jon’s, almost like he’s asking permission. The older boy props himself up on his elbows and nods, giving Ryan the okay. Ryan slides his hands inside of Jon’s shorts, tugging them down past Jon’s thighs and down to his knees.
Jon wonders briefly if they’re really going to do this. Are he and Ryan going to fuck? He doesn’t know what’s happening but he does know that he trusts Ryan and that Ryan most certainly trusts Jon.
The older boy is already hard when Ryan wraps his hand around Jon’s cock and Jon hisses at the touch. Ryan strokes him slowly, fingers curling around his shaft and pumping. Jon tips his head back and moans out which only seems to encourage Ryan to go faster.
Jon really doesn’t think this could get any better but then he feels damp heat around the head of his dick and he looks back down at Ryan, seeing his mouth wrapped around the head of Jon’s cock, sinking down and taking the other boy in slowly.
Jon groans out loud and desperate when he feels Ryan swirling his tongue around the now leaking head. And this, this feels beyond amazing. Jon’s fingers curl tight into the sheets of Ryan’s bed as the younger boy sinks his mouth down, taking Jon deeper.
Ryan’s own arm snakes out and he’s lifting one of Jon’s hands from the bed, entwining their fingers together. Ryan pulls their hands closer to him and he slowly pulls off of Jon with a wet pop. His lips are all red and swollen again and he takes a few shaky breathes.
“I want you to touch me.” He says; voice just this side of needy. Ryan’s fingers slip away from Jon’s, leaving Jon’s hand raised near Ryan’s face. Slowly Jon reaches out and caresses Ryan’s cheek, pushes thick fingers into the younger boy’s soft dark hair. Ryan sighs softly and leans into the older man’s touch.
Jon lets his hand slip out of Ryan’s hair, fingers tracing down his neck, pale stretch of shoulder, wrapping around a thin arm.
“Come up here, Ryan.” Jon asks, gives Ryan a little tug. The younger boy looks at Jon then down at Jon’s achingly hard cock before he once again meets Jon’s eyes.
“But I was-“
“I want you up here. I want to kiss you again.” Jon tells the other boy. Ryan ducks his head slightly but crawls up the bed, up to Jon. They’re side by side and Jon wraps his hand around Ryan’s clothed hip and leans in to kiss him once again.
Jon lets his own fingertips push under the waist of Ryan’s sleep pants, tugging them down slowly. Ryan lifts his hips for Jon, lets him get both hands on him and his pants down far enough for Ryan to kick them off the rest of the way. Jon also kicks off his already pushed down shorts and then he and Ryan are just there, bare, exposed for one another.
Jon drinks in Ryan’s lithe form and he leans forward, crushing their mouths together once again. Ryan’s hands slide down Jon’s chest, his fingers trailing across his thighs before his hand finds Jon’s cock once again and Ryan’s jacking him off, slow, lazy pumps of his hand.
The older boy moans right into Ryan’s mouth, the younger swallowing down the sounds and tightening his grip. Jon can feel Ryan’s own hard dick rubbing against him and his own hand moves down to take hold of the younger boy’s cock.
Ryan breaks their kiss and presses his face into Jon’s neck, kisses and nips at the pale skin there. Jon almost feels like he’s drowning in a haze of whirling emotions, it’s all happening so suddenly, everything coming at him so fast. How quickly they decided to stop trying with Brendon and Spencer, how they were already picking band news, new songs, pissed off fans, Ryan so fucking lost and Jon beyond how to help him.
This, them doing this, probably isn’t going to fix all their problems. Ryan twists his wrist on Jon’s cock and the older boy mimics the movements. They bite at each other’s mouths and Jon is so far gone, has been so strung out that he’s closer than he thought and it only takes a few relentlessly hot moves from Ryan before he’s coming all over the younger boy’s hand.
“Fuck, Jon.” Ryan breathes out, his voice hot against Jon’s face. The older boy kisses the younger again, rubs his thumb over Ryan’s slit, gives him a few good pumps and he can feel Ryan trembling against him, feels Ryan’s come hitting his skin and the desperate moan leaving his throat.
They lay together afterwards, pressed slicked skinned and panting against one another. Jon wipes his hand on Ryan’s sheets before he runs it through the younger boy’s sweaty hair. Ryan smiles at him, the first real smile Jon’s saw in a long time. He leans in and kisses Ryan.
Jon might not be able to fix it right now but someday, maybe, he will.
Pairing: Jon/Ryan
Rating: Hard R I would say
Summary: After the split Ryan is more lost than ever and Jon doesn't really know how to fix him, but he knows how to try.
Disclaimer: I don't know the boys, I own nothing! this is 100% fake and I'm not getting paid to write this. Also the title is taken from the song 'Parker' by Automatic Loveletter.
AN: Another story done for the anon_lovefest
It’s nearly three in the afternoon and Ryan still isn’t awake. Sure, Jon knows that Ryan likes to stay up at all hours of the night, likes to sleep in during the day but he usually always sees the other boy by at least one or so. He’s not worried, should he be? So Ryan’s been a little quiet, he’s always quiet. That’s nothing different or at least that’s what Jon tells himself.
He pads softly through the back of the house. If Ryan’s really so tired then he doesn’t want to wake him up. The older boy moves to Ryan’s room, presses open the door that wasn’t closed all the way. The room is dark due to the heavy curtains that Ryan has drawn but there is light filtering in from behind Jon, casting cut bars of white light across Ryan’s king sized bed.
Ryan’s not sleeping like Jon expected him to be. No, he’s sitting on the edge of the bed, his back to Jon and his shoulders hunched in like he’s crumpling in on himself. Jon opens his mouth to speak but Ryan beats him to it.
“What do you want?” It’s not angry, not curious, it’s nothing. Ryan’s voice as blank and monotone as everyone says it is. Jon’s hands find the wood of the doorway, gripping slightly.
“To check on you.” He answers back, his own voice is a lot softer than he had expected. Ryan huffs out a little laugh.
“Since when did it become necessary for me to be checked on?” The younger boy asks, he lifts his head up for a moment and Jon thinks that he’ll turn back and look at him but he doesn’t and Ryan’s head drops down once again.
Jon can’t bring himself to say what he’s thinking. That this split…the separating of Ryan and Jon from Brendon and Spencer, that it’s affecting the younger boy more than he lets on. He can’t say it out loud, not to Ryan so he lies, right through his teeth.
“I just wanted to see if you were sleeping, if you were hungry or anything?” It’s almost the truth because that’s actually what Jon had come back here for but upon entering the room, his reason may have shifted just a little.
“I’m fine Jon...Alright?” Ryan says and he still won’t even turn around and look at Jon, his shoulders are still hunched, he’s still hiding in the dark.
“Do you want me to leave you alone?” Jon asks, again his voice is drifting out and soft and careful which will probably only serve to piss Ryan off more because according to him there’s no need to be careful.
The younger boy is silent, seated perfectly still on the bed and Jon takes that for all the answer he needs. He sighs a little as he turns back ready to leave the room.
“I just…I didn’t think,” Ryan says softly and Jon stops in his tracks. He doesn’t turn around though, his back to Ryan’s. He does wait because now Ryan’s voice has gone soft, small bits of emotion bleeding into his monotone. “I didn’t think he’d stay with Brendon.” The younger boy finishes.
And suddenly it all becomes a lot clearer to Jon. The split itself might be affecting Ryan but the fact that Spencer didn’t choose him, that his best friend decided to stick with Brendon over Ryan, that’s affecting Ryan on a much larger scale.
Jon does turn around now so that he’s facing Ryan’s back once again. Ryan’s shoulders shake just slightly but the older boy doesn’t think he’s crying.
“It’s not…” Jon starts but he doesn’t know how to finish. “He didn’t choose Brendon over you. You know that right?” It wasn’t like that. It was the musical directions they wanted to take. It wasn’t a lie to ease the fans minds, it was the truth.
Ryan gives half a shrug. “He’s my best friend, Jon. I expected us to just be…together.”
Jon dares to take a few more steps into the room, edging closer to Ryan. “He’ll always be your best friend; they’ll always be our friends, Ryan.” Jon’s knees touch against the opposite side of the mattress from where Ryan is sitting.
“It’s going to be strange,” The younger boy says slowly. “Them not being there.”
“I know.” Jon does. There’s this strange incomplete feeling to them that he can’t seem to shake. It almost feels wrong to him when he sees Ryan pick up the microphone or when he himself takes up the guitar. But it’s a decision that’s already been made and they can’t just go back now.
Ryan’s shoulders are shaking again. “I can’t help but feel like this is all…am I making a mistake, Jon?” Jon finds himself crawling up on the bed, knee walking slowly over to Ryan. His hands find the younger boy’s shoulders and he just touches, feels the muscles tremble under his palms.
Ryan lets out a shaky breath.
“Don’t think that way. This is what you want to do, what we want to do. It’s not just you, Ryan. You’re not alone because I’m with you.” Jon’s voice is small, almost comes off sounding hurt but he’s not because he gets it, he understands how Ryan can feel like he’s all alone. Jon himself has a Brendon Urie shaped hole in his own existence.
Ryan’s shoulders slump down as he relaxes under the older man’s touch. The younger boy tips his head back against Jon’s solid chest, his soft brown eyes meeting Jon’s.
“I’m glad; you know, that you’re here with me. I don’t want you to think that I’m not.” Ryan whispers, his own spidery fingers slip up and wrap around Jon’s bicep, holding on firmly as if some unknown force were trying to pull Jon away and the only thing keeping him here in this bed is Ryan’s touch.
Jon smiles down at the younger boy. His fingers trace against the pale smooth skin of Ryan’s chest and the other boy’s breathe catches in his throat. Ryan tugs on Jon’s arm brings them closer, Jon’s chin almost bumping Ryan’s forehead. They’re closer than they’ve been in a long while and Jon swallows thickly.
Ryan’s just staring up at Jon, staring like he’s trying to read and understand every thought the older boy has ever had. Jon’s heart speeds up. He and Ryan are close, of course they are and Jon can easily admit that he loves the younger boy just like he can admit that he loves Spencer and Brendon, Tom, his cats. But maybe, maybe in the past he has thought of Ryan differently, a different sort of love.
Despite how close they are, how they act. The only thing they’ve ever done in a sexual manner was a kiss, a drunken, sloppy kiss at that, a kiss neither were actually supposed to ever remember. But Jon does remember it, warm, wet, just Ryan.
The older man is lifted out of his thoughts of the one kiss he and Ryan have shared, because now Ryan is moving. He slides away from Jon’s touch and stands from the bed completely. Jon maybe panics. He touched too long, sent the wrong signals, took too much from the younger boy.
Ryan is standing right in front of him, all lean and pale and partway exposed. Jon looks up to meet his eyes and they stare at one another, long endless moments but Jon isn’t Spencer and he can’t do that trick where they seemingly read each other’s minds. He doesn’t know how many times he’s wished for that particular talent.
Ryan moves. His long arms come out and hot palms find their way to Jon’s shoulders, holding on tightly. Jon doesn’t even have time to be confused because Ryan moves fluidly on to the bed, his knees bumping against Jon’s and then they’re face to face. And Ryan, he’s staring again and just as Jon opens his mouth to speak Ryan decides to lean in and silence him with the soft press of his lips against Jon’s.
It’s not a very sexy kiss. It’s soft, sweet. Ryan’s hands sweep up, curling around the back of Jon’s neck, those long fingers pressing into Jon’s warm skin. Jon’s mouth isn’t quite keeping up with all of this so Ryan breaks away and kisses him again, those same fingers curling up into Jon’s shaggy hair. It seems now his mouth gets the message because he’s kissing the younger boy back, soft slightly wet presses of lips against lips.
Jon blocks out the voice yelling in the back of his mind. The one that’s asking him ‘just what’s happening here?’ How did checking on Ryan turn into kissing Ryan? The smaller boy presses forward, gets his body tight against Jon’s. The older boy finally remembers that he has hands and that he’s being allowed to touch, he can do it.
Jon’s hands circle around Ryan’s waist, squeeze slightly. Ryan shivers against him and Jon takes it as a sign that it would be alright if he continued. He slides his tongue out against Ryan’s lips and just like that, the younger boy is opening up for him.
This kiss is quickly destroying the memory of the old one, the one that Jon shouldn’t even remember in the first place. Ryan moans softly into Jon’s mouth as their tongues tangle together. Ryan keeps Jon close with the hand holding on to the back of his head. The older boy allows his tongue to explore every inch of Ryan’s mouth, learning his body in ways he never had allowed himself to hope of before.
They shift, Ryan’s hands on Jon’s chest, pushing him gently down on to his back on the bed. The younger boy is lying on top of Jon and they’re bodies are pressed together completely. Jon can feel Ryan’s hips pressing down against his own. Ryan delves down into Jon’s mouth, fighting for dominance in their kiss, Jon gives it up easily, let’s Ryan take charge. The younger man’s hands on Jon’s face tilting his jaw to get better access.
Jon’s fine, completely fine with laying here with Ryan, drinking in the younger boy and letting their mouths meet, their tongues teasing and tangling together. He’s totally fine with just doing that for the rest of his life until he feels Ryan start to rut against him, his sharp hips grinding down against Jon’s.
Their kiss breaks and Ryan moans when Jon lifts his own hips to meet Ryan’s, the younger boy’s moan loud in the silence of the room. They’re not kissing now and Ryan’s hips are rolling down to thrust lightly against Jon but they’re looking right at one another. Ryan with his brown eyes darker than Jon’s ever seen, his lips red and swollen. He looks beautiful.
But that voice, the one hiding in the back of Jon’s skull, it comes back and prods at Jon.
“Ry,” Jon sounds breathless, sounds so turned on even to his own ears. “What are we…doing?”
Ryan’s hands move back to Jon’s biceps, he holds on firmly once again. “Please, Jon, I just…don’t make me stop. I need this.” Ryan mumbles against the skin of Jon’s jaw. The younger boy presses a kiss there, drags his tongue out and down against Jon’s neck. The older man shivers. He lies there and let’s Ryan bite at his skin.
Ryan’s words cycle through Jon’s head. ‘I need this.’ Jon knows that Ryan does. He gets it all like its some sudden realization but it’s really not, its things he’s known all along but never wanted to admit to. It’s Ryan needing someone, Jon, anyone from his old life, the Panic timeframe, to be with him. He needs to know that there’s someone he knew back then who will still support him now, who will still be with him.
Ryan hasn’t talked to Spencer since the Fourth of July. He hasn’t talked to Pete for longer. Hell, Ryan didn’t talk to Brendon at all in the weeks, days, hours, leading up to the split. Of course the younger boy needs Jon, who else from back then does he have? But it’s not a one sided thing because as much as Ryan needs Jon, Jon needs the other boy just as much. He thinks it must be obvious with the way he’s already here, already where Ryan needs him to be. It’s obvious in the sense that Jon will always follow Ryan.
Ryan has kissed his way down Jon’s chest and now those long nimble fingers are playing at his waistband. Ryan’s eyes meet Jon’s, almost like he’s asking permission. The older boy props himself up on his elbows and nods, giving Ryan the okay. Ryan slides his hands inside of Jon’s shorts, tugging them down past Jon’s thighs and down to his knees.
Jon wonders briefly if they’re really going to do this. Are he and Ryan going to fuck? He doesn’t know what’s happening but he does know that he trusts Ryan and that Ryan most certainly trusts Jon.
The older boy is already hard when Ryan wraps his hand around Jon’s cock and Jon hisses at the touch. Ryan strokes him slowly, fingers curling around his shaft and pumping. Jon tips his head back and moans out which only seems to encourage Ryan to go faster.
Jon really doesn’t think this could get any better but then he feels damp heat around the head of his dick and he looks back down at Ryan, seeing his mouth wrapped around the head of Jon’s cock, sinking down and taking the other boy in slowly.
Jon groans out loud and desperate when he feels Ryan swirling his tongue around the now leaking head. And this, this feels beyond amazing. Jon’s fingers curl tight into the sheets of Ryan’s bed as the younger boy sinks his mouth down, taking Jon deeper.
Ryan’s own arm snakes out and he’s lifting one of Jon’s hands from the bed, entwining their fingers together. Ryan pulls their hands closer to him and he slowly pulls off of Jon with a wet pop. His lips are all red and swollen again and he takes a few shaky breathes.
“I want you to touch me.” He says; voice just this side of needy. Ryan’s fingers slip away from Jon’s, leaving Jon’s hand raised near Ryan’s face. Slowly Jon reaches out and caresses Ryan’s cheek, pushes thick fingers into the younger boy’s soft dark hair. Ryan sighs softly and leans into the older man’s touch.
Jon lets his hand slip out of Ryan’s hair, fingers tracing down his neck, pale stretch of shoulder, wrapping around a thin arm.
“Come up here, Ryan.” Jon asks, gives Ryan a little tug. The younger boy looks at Jon then down at Jon’s achingly hard cock before he once again meets Jon’s eyes.
“But I was-“
“I want you up here. I want to kiss you again.” Jon tells the other boy. Ryan ducks his head slightly but crawls up the bed, up to Jon. They’re side by side and Jon wraps his hand around Ryan’s clothed hip and leans in to kiss him once again.
Jon lets his own fingertips push under the waist of Ryan’s sleep pants, tugging them down slowly. Ryan lifts his hips for Jon, lets him get both hands on him and his pants down far enough for Ryan to kick them off the rest of the way. Jon also kicks off his already pushed down shorts and then he and Ryan are just there, bare, exposed for one another.
Jon drinks in Ryan’s lithe form and he leans forward, crushing their mouths together once again. Ryan’s hands slide down Jon’s chest, his fingers trailing across his thighs before his hand finds Jon’s cock once again and Ryan’s jacking him off, slow, lazy pumps of his hand.
The older boy moans right into Ryan’s mouth, the younger swallowing down the sounds and tightening his grip. Jon can feel Ryan’s own hard dick rubbing against him and his own hand moves down to take hold of the younger boy’s cock.
Ryan breaks their kiss and presses his face into Jon’s neck, kisses and nips at the pale skin there. Jon almost feels like he’s drowning in a haze of whirling emotions, it’s all happening so suddenly, everything coming at him so fast. How quickly they decided to stop trying with Brendon and Spencer, how they were already picking band news, new songs, pissed off fans, Ryan so fucking lost and Jon beyond how to help him.
This, them doing this, probably isn’t going to fix all their problems. Ryan twists his wrist on Jon’s cock and the older boy mimics the movements. They bite at each other’s mouths and Jon is so far gone, has been so strung out that he’s closer than he thought and it only takes a few relentlessly hot moves from Ryan before he’s coming all over the younger boy’s hand.
“Fuck, Jon.” Ryan breathes out, his voice hot against Jon’s face. The older boy kisses the younger again, rubs his thumb over Ryan’s slit, gives him a few good pumps and he can feel Ryan trembling against him, feels Ryan’s come hitting his skin and the desperate moan leaving his throat.
They lay together afterwards, pressed slicked skinned and panting against one another. Jon wipes his hand on Ryan’s sheets before he runs it through the younger boy’s sweaty hair. Ryan smiles at him, the first real smile Jon’s saw in a long time. He leans in and kisses Ryan.
Jon might not be able to fix it right now but someday, maybe, he will.