a story of a boy and a car crash.
a few weeks ago, my mother and i were discussing my love life. she had said something along the lines of "the next time you go on a date, i should pick her." i said that would be fine. she said "oh, what about (so-and-so)? i liked her. i thought she had a crush on you." i replied that yes, in fact, i think so-and-so did have a crush on me. but i respected her a lot, and i wouldn't wish myself upon anybody, let alone someone i had a admiration and respect for, because i'd probably do irreparable damage to them. i told her i was far too unstable to make a relationship work. "oh, you're not unstable. you're just 23. that's always a bad phase."
despite my own rhetoric, i wouldn't associate with anyone i didn't admire and respect. still, it sounded good when i said it.
so i guess that is how i interact with people, you see. there are sparks, but it's usually because of the metal scraping against metal. i'm not just speaking romantically, either. i don't envy those who have to endure my bullshit. by the same token though, i rarely seek out people to interact with. we always just crash into each other. ask any of my friends. we're all heaps of metal and we all stink of gasoline.
but do i sound like i'm complaining? please don't think these things, such is not my intent. i was simply saying that my relationships with the people close to me are always strange and intense.
the last month or so, i've spent a lot of time with a lot of new people. i think i have some strange, disproportionate luck. they've all been eccentric, brilliant artists and bohemians and philosophers. i've grown closer and more open with a few older friends, too. people who weren't necessarily part of my daily life, as much as i adored them, are now my circle. maybe there's something in my body language or the stars. or maybe it has nothing to do with me at all, and i just happened to be in the right places at the right times. whatever the case, the energies i've collected around me are getting me quite drunk, even on the nights i haven't gone all henry chinaski.
despite my own rhetoric, i wouldn't associate with anyone i didn't admire and respect. still, it sounded good when i said it.
so i guess that is how i interact with people, you see. there are sparks, but it's usually because of the metal scraping against metal. i'm not just speaking romantically, either. i don't envy those who have to endure my bullshit. by the same token though, i rarely seek out people to interact with. we always just crash into each other. ask any of my friends. we're all heaps of metal and we all stink of gasoline.
but do i sound like i'm complaining? please don't think these things, such is not my intent. i was simply saying that my relationships with the people close to me are always strange and intense.
the last month or so, i've spent a lot of time with a lot of new people. i think i have some strange, disproportionate luck. they've all been eccentric, brilliant artists and bohemians and philosophers. i've grown closer and more open with a few older friends, too. people who weren't necessarily part of my daily life, as much as i adored them, are now my circle. maybe there's something in my body language or the stars. or maybe it has nothing to do with me at all, and i just happened to be in the right places at the right times. whatever the case, the energies i've collected around me are getting me quite drunk, even on the nights i haven't gone all henry chinaski.