forever
It has been forever since I have updated this thing...
One year ago today I came out to my parents, then kelly and I became friends. It was a HUGE day. I was terrified, I knew no one in this city, i spent a lot of time lost on campus and crying in the HUB. I did not drop out of CU yet, because they don't go back to school until mid Jan and I wanted to allow myself the option to move back if I didn't think I could make it here. I can't believe I was once in this place of lonliness. I was lost, scared and missing the sea and the people with me abroad so desprately.
They have now all left town, I can't believe they all actually came out here to visit. I cryed a little. Saying goodbye was not as hard as a year ago, but I still miss them a lot. It is to quiet. SO much has happened the past year, my mom is now on the board of PFLAG and my dad has not disowned me, however his support as far as the queernees seems to end there it feels. And I feel sad that the changes are not over. I want stability. I will be graduating in 6 months, kel pointed out we will be 22 in 5. Shit. What the hell am I going to do? I don't know what is left, that sounds odd considering I am so young and have so many options, but I have passed up very little in my college years and feel very ready to move on from them, I just have no idea where the hell I am going. I feel old, I am looking at full-time jobs, I am going to support myself for the first time in my life, and am not nearly as close to my parents as I have always been.
This year has been remarakable. SO much has happened, I don't know where to start. I feel like myself for the first time in my life, and that feels so wonderful. In the passed year I dropped women's studies as my second major, decided not to go to law school right away...or ever, am working at the Q Cener, have made amazing friends, stopped identifying as a feminist, my need to travel feels somewhat fulfilled, I have been completely out, I have been challenged and laughed and cryed. I know what has changed, that is the easy part, I just don't know where this leaves me - sometimes I don't know what is left.
One year ago today I came out to my parents, then kelly and I became friends. It was a HUGE day. I was terrified, I knew no one in this city, i spent a lot of time lost on campus and crying in the HUB. I did not drop out of CU yet, because they don't go back to school until mid Jan and I wanted to allow myself the option to move back if I didn't think I could make it here. I can't believe I was once in this place of lonliness. I was lost, scared and missing the sea and the people with me abroad so desprately.
They have now all left town, I can't believe they all actually came out here to visit. I cryed a little. Saying goodbye was not as hard as a year ago, but I still miss them a lot. It is to quiet. SO much has happened the past year, my mom is now on the board of PFLAG and my dad has not disowned me, however his support as far as the queernees seems to end there it feels. And I feel sad that the changes are not over. I want stability. I will be graduating in 6 months, kel pointed out we will be 22 in 5. Shit. What the hell am I going to do? I don't know what is left, that sounds odd considering I am so young and have so many options, but I have passed up very little in my college years and feel very ready to move on from them, I just have no idea where the hell I am going. I feel old, I am looking at full-time jobs, I am going to support myself for the first time in my life, and am not nearly as close to my parents as I have always been.
This year has been remarakable. SO much has happened, I don't know where to start. I feel like myself for the first time in my life, and that feels so wonderful. In the passed year I dropped women's studies as my second major, decided not to go to law school right away...or ever, am working at the Q Cener, have made amazing friends, stopped identifying as a feminist, my need to travel feels somewhat fulfilled, I have been completely out, I have been challenged and laughed and cryed. I know what has changed, that is the easy part, I just don't know where this leaves me - sometimes I don't know what is left.