Most of the time...
Sometimes I think that the only times I write in these journals is when I am very very tired.
I don't know what I am doing any more. I think in high school I knew what I was doing. I knew I wanted to go to college,and i knew how to get there. But now... midlife crisis came early.
I ate a whole pint of Ben and Jerry's Magic Brownie ice-cream last night. It was delicious.
I regretted it though.
I had a stomach ache this morning and usually i never get stomach aches from eating too much.
When i was little i used to go out in my front yard and we had two lawns that were seperated by a concrete walkway and a hedge. This was the kind of hedge that smelled really strongly of pine and had a ton of cobwebs in it.
I would take off my shoes and start running from one end of the lawn and try and jump over the hedge. I can't remember if I made it over though. I must have done it over 20 times as a kid, but i can't remember whether or not I did it.
I do remember that I was really scared of those cobwebs. Cobwebs meant spiders and spiders in a bush meant spiders in my clothes.
When we moved a new family came in and they tore up the whole front yard. They tore up my mother's garden and they tore up the lawn. They tore up those hedges and those spiders. I get the chills just thinking of how many spiders must have come crawling out of that bush when they ripped it out of the ground.
It reminds me of how when i was a little girl, my dad would be doing yard work and he would ask me to come out and help him. I would always say i didn't want to, not because I was too lazy but because of the bugs. i hated those bugs. he would have me move wood piles or move giant rocks. And every time, there would always be these worms that would fall off and leave moist spots on the rocks. And centipedes would come squirming out of the logs. I know that they never would have hurt me, but the amount of movement that I used to throw the rock or the piece of wood when I saw them would cause them to get so scared and fall on me or something. Then I would go across the yard screaming bloody murder, and there my dad would be standing wearing his gloves, covered in dirt. He would say "Come on Ami, they aren't gonna bite cha", slowly I would come back. He would tell me to go into the garage and get some gloves that way I wouldn't have to worry about those worms and centipedes going on my hands when I lifted rocks and wood. I went into the garage and went over to the shelf and picked up the pair of thick leather gardening gloves. They were meant for men with large hands. Not a girl with little hands. I put them on anyways. My fingers barely went past the knuckles.
I looked down at them to see how out of proportion they were. It was dim in the garage, the sun was going to be setting soon.
But i could still see the dried up worm encrusted on the palm.
I don't know what I am doing any more. I think in high school I knew what I was doing. I knew I wanted to go to college,and i knew how to get there. But now... midlife crisis came early.
I ate a whole pint of Ben and Jerry's Magic Brownie ice-cream last night. It was delicious.
I regretted it though.
I had a stomach ache this morning and usually i never get stomach aches from eating too much.
When i was little i used to go out in my front yard and we had two lawns that were seperated by a concrete walkway and a hedge. This was the kind of hedge that smelled really strongly of pine and had a ton of cobwebs in it.
I would take off my shoes and start running from one end of the lawn and try and jump over the hedge. I can't remember if I made it over though. I must have done it over 20 times as a kid, but i can't remember whether or not I did it.
I do remember that I was really scared of those cobwebs. Cobwebs meant spiders and spiders in a bush meant spiders in my clothes.
When we moved a new family came in and they tore up the whole front yard. They tore up my mother's garden and they tore up the lawn. They tore up those hedges and those spiders. I get the chills just thinking of how many spiders must have come crawling out of that bush when they ripped it out of the ground.
It reminds me of how when i was a little girl, my dad would be doing yard work and he would ask me to come out and help him. I would always say i didn't want to, not because I was too lazy but because of the bugs. i hated those bugs. he would have me move wood piles or move giant rocks. And every time, there would always be these worms that would fall off and leave moist spots on the rocks. And centipedes would come squirming out of the logs. I know that they never would have hurt me, but the amount of movement that I used to throw the rock or the piece of wood when I saw them would cause them to get so scared and fall on me or something. Then I would go across the yard screaming bloody murder, and there my dad would be standing wearing his gloves, covered in dirt. He would say "Come on Ami, they aren't gonna bite cha", slowly I would come back. He would tell me to go into the garage and get some gloves that way I wouldn't have to worry about those worms and centipedes going on my hands when I lifted rocks and wood. I went into the garage and went over to the shelf and picked up the pair of thick leather gardening gloves. They were meant for men with large hands. Not a girl with little hands. I put them on anyways. My fingers barely went past the knuckles.
I looked down at them to see how out of proportion they were. It was dim in the garage, the sun was going to be setting soon.
But i could still see the dried up worm encrusted on the palm.