(no subject)
i havent written in here forever, and i dont feel like this is really the most appropriate outlet for my feelings but oh well, im bored.
recently things have been so up and down and frustrating that i feel like it'll just continue to be this endless cycle of uplifts and immediate letdowns. i know i shouldnt throw myself into relationsips so fast, that i shouldnt try to fix people who dont want help, that i shouldnt avoid seeing faults and only see the good in people who dont see anything in me. but its really hard for me to do that. and i think ive gotten better, i think i can now recognize my problem before 2 weeks turns into 2 years wasted, trying to fix an unsovable problem. i know that this too will pass, i just get nervous that i'll keep being tricked, or rather tricking myself, into believing in people and relationships and never find one that fits.
everytime i get sad about something not working out usually something else comes along to occupy me so i dont htink about it, an di push it away in the back of my mind and dont think about that person until the next one fails and it makes it 3 times harder because i suddenly remember everything that has gone wrong and it feels like this rush of waves that knocks me down everytime i try to stand back up.
apparently i like lame metaphors.
whatever, i needed to vent.
recently things have been so up and down and frustrating that i feel like it'll just continue to be this endless cycle of uplifts and immediate letdowns. i know i shouldnt throw myself into relationsips so fast, that i shouldnt try to fix people who dont want help, that i shouldnt avoid seeing faults and only see the good in people who dont see anything in me. but its really hard for me to do that. and i think ive gotten better, i think i can now recognize my problem before 2 weeks turns into 2 years wasted, trying to fix an unsovable problem. i know that this too will pass, i just get nervous that i'll keep being tricked, or rather tricking myself, into believing in people and relationships and never find one that fits.
everytime i get sad about something not working out usually something else comes along to occupy me so i dont htink about it, an di push it away in the back of my mind and dont think about that person until the next one fails and it makes it 3 times harder because i suddenly remember everything that has gone wrong and it feels like this rush of waves that knocks me down everytime i try to stand back up.
apparently i like lame metaphors.
whatever, i needed to vent.