reflecting
i just read over most of these old entries and mostly i am ashamed of myself and then sometimes i totally cracked myself up at how nasty i can be sometimes.
These at whatever time it may have been have been my inner most feelings and thoughts so i guess they are accurate. I am very ashamed as i mentioned at the way i have refer to Al in here.
How could i have been so so...i cant even think of a word for it....selfish is one but no where near harsh enough.It still eats me up what i did to him,how we have never really spoken about it and that i have never told him how incredably happy he makes me.I am so glad i have him,i miss him so much now that i am here and he is there.....but it makes me appreciate him so much more.He is so very very special,and no matter how he feels about me i love him,and i know that i have said that about many others which is why i am so reserved in saying it now,but it is true,he is amazing and i dont tell him that enough,or if ever and because of who he is ,for everything he is ,i love him.
my life right now is so different to what is was back in those entries,so much slower,and located in a different city but i know ,as i predicted that i have only run away from many of those issues ,not delt with them,and its only a matter of time before they catch up with me.
i dont want that gypsy lady to be right,i dont want this to end,i want to play house with you for a much longer time.please please dont leave me.
These at whatever time it may have been have been my inner most feelings and thoughts so i guess they are accurate. I am very ashamed as i mentioned at the way i have refer to Al in here.
How could i have been so so...i cant even think of a word for it....selfish is one but no where near harsh enough.It still eats me up what i did to him,how we have never really spoken about it and that i have never told him how incredably happy he makes me.I am so glad i have him,i miss him so much now that i am here and he is there.....but it makes me appreciate him so much more.He is so very very special,and no matter how he feels about me i love him,and i know that i have said that about many others which is why i am so reserved in saying it now,but it is true,he is amazing and i dont tell him that enough,or if ever and because of who he is ,for everything he is ,i love him.
my life right now is so different to what is was back in those entries,so much slower,and located in a different city but i know ,as i predicted that i have only run away from many of those issues ,not delt with them,and its only a matter of time before they catch up with me.
i dont want that gypsy lady to be right,i dont want this to end,i want to play house with you for a much longer time.please please dont leave me.